(Closed) Fiance really scared me… (long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh my goodness. That doesn’t seem like rational behavior at all. I’ve heard of internet addiction, sure, but this really seems to go above and beyond. What was he yelling about? Was it just about the email, or did he bring up other things?

Regardless, you probably don’t need to be alone right now. Do you have a friend that you can call, who could maybe come over for a while and keep you company?

Post # 5
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It definitely sounds like you guys need a cooling off period — or he does, anyway. Did he mention anything else going on when he was yelling? Or was it just about email? I’m glad he was willing to go and leave his key. I think that’s a good sign that he recognizes he freaked you out and is willing to give you the space that you need.

Post # 6
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh I wish you would call your mom and dad right now!  I don’t know what to say except that many hugs are here for you and I wish you safety.

Safety is FIRST.  If you’re frightened of him, then you need to tell somebody.  Please do that!

Maybe call and talk this over with your parents and see if they want you to talk to a counselor?  maybe he is stressed out right now with alot on his plate and maybe he needs to relax/cool off (as another poster suggested) and sit down and discuss this with you rationally.

I also agree w/the other poster that you should not be alone right now.  Please go somewhere with a friend at her house or to your mom and dad’s house.  Or your sis or a bff. 

Has he ever exhibited this kind of behavior?

Post # 7
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

is he a obessive type of person?  is his job at risk lately? 

unlike Bellenga, i actually suggest NOT phoning your mum and dad right now but let it cool off for a few hours/a days and talk to him first – even if its just over the phone or in a public place first

reason being is you are your parents child and anything you say will cloud their judgement on him forever. yes there is obviously something going on with him but you need to talk to him first before you involve your family

sorry this is happening and sending you positive vibes that it will be sorted out


Post # 8
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m sorry, but this is just strange. Did he just discover that the internet existed? Perhaps he’s acting out because you’re not feeling well or maybe something else is going on. Some how, get him to put down the computer and talk with you.

Post # 9
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I can’t tell if he was physically violent towards himself or towards you. If he threatened violence towards you, then definitely go stay with someone for a few days and get some distance to sort it out.  A counselor specializing in violence might also be helpful.

If not, then I agree that you may want to be careful about sharing this with too many friends and family.  It’s the sort of thing that they might hold against him for a long time, if you guys work things out.

If your Fiance is addicted to the internet, that could help explain his reaction.  Many alcoholics react with great anger or denial when confronted with their alcoholism – there have been a few posts in the beehive about this lately. 🙁  Maybe he’s having a similar reaction?  Addicts don’t like it when someone comes between them and their addiction.

I’m so sorry to hear about all this, and wish you all the luck in the world!! 

Post # 10
3331 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry to hear about this.  I would imagine you’re really frustrated and scared right now.  I do echo what the others have said that your safety comes first.  It might not be a bad idea if you have a place to stay tonight, just to give him a chance to cool off.  I do think Mr. Bee makes a good point, if this is something that the two of you are able to work out, then telling family may cause an issue in the future. If at all possible, I’d try to just get out of the house, even just for tonight.  You don’t have to go into specifics with whoever you stay with, just explain that you need some space or something.  

I would suggest once he’s cooled off, try to talk to him about his behavior.  Maybe try and tell him how scared you were by his reaction.  He may have been so focused in on his feelings at the time that he might not even realize how you feel. If you can, try to talk to him about why he did what he did and see if there’s a way to address this in the future so it doesn’t happen again–for both of your sakes.

I think maybe counseling for him/both of you might be a good idea, too.  If he does have an addiction issue, it’s something that you want to try to address now if you can.  

My heart goes out to you.  Let us know how things go and we’re all here for you.

Post # 12
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Imperia Hotel (modern chic hotel)

Oh no… I am so sorry. Im glad to hear things are better now….

Sometimes men dont realize what they do has an impact on us… but if something were to happen again, you should call someone you trust. Family or friend and maybe crash for the night. (if you are scared for your safety)

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