Post # 1
Im at a loss here. Long story short Im a student who works part time on campus while finishing up her BS in Math.
Originally at the time of the engagement, my fiance getting laid off of work for 2.5 months and we agreed I would take care of wedding stuff since he needed his savings for morgage payments and bills. Fast forward to today and he is back to work making bank (in my opinion) and he still refuses to help with wedding expenses.
I had a sit down with him and he claims that since he doesn’t want the wedding but wanted to do courthouse that he should not be responsible for it. His claim is he got the engagement ring and will take care of honeymoon that is enough.
I voiced that im running up on my savings and am scared to go over. His reply was why did I go over budget (our budget is 10k).
His parents are broke and only my dad is in the position to help but I truly dont want to run to Daddy.
Anyone else out there dealing with something similar? Kind of feeling alone right now.
Post # 2
I think the problem is the that you both want different weddings and different budgets. I would get on the same page and compromise so that you are both getting elements that you want. Maybe a compromise would be 20 guests and a nice dinner out. No where near 10k and not a court house wedding either.
Post # 3
If he thinks its getting too costly you need to talk about it. I don’t think it should be a fully “well you wanted it so you pay for it”, but if he wants something smaller and more affordable and you’re pushing for something bigger then I can see why he wouldn’t want to pay for it.
Generally (not always) after marriage it stops being ‘mine’ and ‘your’ money, and becomes ‘ours’. So he is fighting hard now, but what will happen after youre married? How are you going to deal with financial situations then? It seems like a good jumping off point for some conversations between you two.
Post # 4
Thanks. Did I mention the wedding is in 2.5 months?
Initially we wanted a small wedding. Very small. Until we told his mom. Needless to say, we are now having an 80 person wedding (includes kids).
Post # 5
Only spend the money you’re both comfortable attending as a couple. If you can’t agree on a wedding budget when you’re short on finances, how’s the rest of your marriage going to go?
If his mom wants to invite more people than you want to invite, she needs to be willing to pay for her guests. Otherwise, dinner out with a small group of friends and done would work.
Post # 6
It sounds like the issue here is that you’re both on totally different pages. Has he been telling you from the beginning that he wants a courthouse wedding? You really should have both compromised and had a medium sized wedding. But if you chose to plan a $10,000+ wedding even though he wanted to go to the courthouse, and you went over budget, I can’t really blame him for not wanting to help. I’m willing to bet the ring/honeymoon cost a lot so it’s not like he’s contributing nothing.
The thing is, you went over budget. So I don’t think it’s fair to go to him now and say he needs to help with costs. But that said, I do think that as your partner he should be considerate and willing to help when you’re in trouble, even if it’s not his ideal wedding . I think it is very important you two figure this out and compromise. This doesn’t sound like you guys are setting a healthy financial precedent for your marriage.
Post # 7
Yikes this is a sticky situation, reading the title of your post I was like oh fuck no, nope… But in context I can kinda understand where he’s coming from.
Is there a reason why you’re becoming consumed with the wedding and are now over budget?
He has a point in the sense that if you had a convo about a budget and now you’re not sticking to it maybe this is his way of reigning you in a bit by making you realize how much money it’s becoming so that you can both get back on the same page.
What is unfortunate is that you also set the precedent by paying for everything in the first place honestly. I mean I get that he was having an issue with bills but it should have been just a cut and dry, you’re the only one fitting the wedding bill kind of thing… But that’s all water under the bridge at this point…
I think you both need to sit down and come up with a new plan or compromise so you don’t start becoming more resentful of him and his choice to continue to not contribute. This could fester into a bigger issue if you don’t tackle it now…
Post # 8
We have discussed our future finances and have struggled in that department if Im honest. I am a strong believer in “ours” after the I Dos. On the other hand he got screwed over by an ex wife and is a little possessive. We argeed on a mutual account and then have separate accounts as well. Our way of compromising.
Post # 9
Also his mom has NO SAY if you are the one paying. Oh hell no! Put your foot down girl! If you want a small wedding then have a small wedding!
Post # 10
Honestly, if I was told while you were planning that I didn’t have to pay for the wedding cause I didn’t want it, and now 2.5 months out you’re hitting me up for money, I wouldn’t pay either.
Post # 11
thanks. Yes, I guess I did offer. Originally we where going in 50/50 but I told him to not worrt about it until after he goes back to work. Now its like we never had the conversation. He refuses to tell me how much my ring cost but keeps bringing it up as part of his part of paying for the wedding. I dont think that’s fair.
Of course going over budget is never something I intended. To be exact, I am 1k Underbudget.
Post # 12
lol. I WISH!! Just last week we get a phone call: his mom wants to invite he best friend in exchange of a wedding cake. Im like heck no. No more people. Then mama was like OMG my best friend cant even see my sin get married. Im like ok fine. Only to find out a week later: that best friend now is bringing her family of 5 😮
Post # 13
I guess that makes sense. Probably a miscommunication. I was under the assumption me funding the whole thing was temporary until he gets back to work. He took it as he didnt have to pay at all.
Post # 14
If you are a couple, then I think it is fair in this day and age, that the ring and the honeymoon are counted when you add up the expense of getting married. If you haven’t sent out invitations yet, you still have time to downsize the wedding so you don’t go over budget. That is completely within your control.
The two of you need to stand up to his Mom together. You don’t have to cave and say yes, just because she asks for something more than once.
You also need to be very clear in your communications in the future, so you are not constantly having this type of misunderstanding.
Post # 15
This is indicative of how things will be when your lives are totally merged. He says “you want it, you pay for it”. Where is the unity in that? Where is the “let’s figure this out together”? Money issues are a top reason why people get divorced. You are already having them now and you aren’t even married yet. I agree that his mom should not have a say in the wedding, but his attitude isn’t helping matters. If he doesn’t want the larger wedding and she does, he needs to talk to her. If you both agreed on a $10,000 budget, where is his contribution? Does the $10,000 include the engagement ring and the honeymoon? If not, well, he needs to get his ass in gear.
I would not get married until you feel more confident about your ability to talk about budgets and money. You aren’t even close to that point right now.