(Closed) Fiance said, “Lets take a Step Back…”

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am so sorry. This is such a tough thing to have to deal with, and I wish I had some solid advice.  I think you know that you should move on.  I think that if you take his offer you will feel even more powerless.

Post # 5
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you feel that God doesn’t want you there, then you need to get up and leave.  Remember, He won’t give you anything you can’t handle.  You are supposed to go through what you do in order to become the person you are meant to be.

I think that if you let him stick around, he’s only going to lead you on.  Granted I don’t know him or you, but if he’s already had a history of cheating on his ex, it’s likely that he’ll do the same to you.

Good luck!

Post # 6
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think that it’s best if you leave. You two are no longer on the same page it sounds like, from committment to kids. I couldn’t imagine how stressful it could be to pick up and walk away at this point, but I feel like the longer you stay the worse it will get and the more power he will keep.

Post # 7
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think leaving is the best option as well.  Sometimes you reach a point in a relationship where it just doesn’t make sense to take steps backwards. 

It’s also very concerning that the trust issues have developed during your engagement.  I think you should definitely trust your gut.


Post # 9
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

For me, personally, this situation would not work. It’s either all or nothing for me. You want to take a step back and move out? Then you’re moving out of my life. I don’t take breaks…if you’re having doubts, then by all means, go sow your wild oats. But don’t expect me to be here when you find the grass isn’t greener.

I’m really sorry that you’re going through this…it’s going to be the hardest thing you can possibly do to walk away from this, but based on your posts, it sounds like you already know that this isn’t going to work. Don’t allow him to keep you stringing along. Cut your losses now and allow yourself time to heal from the relationship.

Post # 10
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I know it’s hard to let go of something or someone when you feel like you’ve already invested so much time…. but when you think about it, that doesn’t make sense… you’re just wasting more time in the process.  You deserve to be happy.

Another bee posted this poem in response to another thread.  I really like it.

Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while
you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t always promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.

Post # 12
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont understand how you can take a step back, and still be engaged but just not live together. What is he hoping to achieve by moving out especially when you are supposed to be getting married soon

Post # 13
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It doesn’t make sense to stay engaged (essentially the promise to marry) and take a step back at the same time. It’s counter-productive. They cancel each other out which leaves you basically in limbo. Tell him the engagement is off if a step back is needed because it’s unfair for you to be in that situation. 

Post # 14
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you should leave.  It seems like the only thing holding you back is fear of leaving.  You don’t feel appreciated, you don’t feel you can trust him, you think he’s only with you as plan B, you don’t even feel like you should be in this relationship anymore.  Leave because you deserve better.  The first step is the hardest, it will get easier as you move on.  I think once you adjust, even being alone will feel much better than being together and neglected and unable to trust him.  Not only will being alone be better than being with him and full of doubt, it gives you many, many opportunities to find someone who makes you feel like he wants to be with you.

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