- 9 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
Wow, I would have never thought I would be in this situation; confused, overwhelmed and definitely lost. My fiancé and I have been engaged for a little over a year. We started off strong with our planning and our feelings about us. Recently things have changed with us, our issues with each other has consumed my mind and his mentality about us seems different. One issue, I began to have trust issues (saw things in his phone) I never had legitimate proof but things that should not have been said or phone calls late at night. Baby mama drama, she would contact him constantly and late at night which had nothing to do with the kids, his family walked on egg shells for her, his partying ways lead to temptation. My fiancé didn’t do much with his family because he theory was, “Their going to think and do what they want, I have no control over that.” And about his phone, he always knew how to flip the story around to make me feel like I did something wrong. He felt he had no privacy with his phone, but I think its bulls***. I think he was getting mad because I always found something, but of course, I believed every story and stayed.
Recently, we took a few days apart to think things through due to a huge fight we had. When we spoke about our thoughts he said, “When people know it’s over they just know, right. Well, I don’t feel it in my heart that I am there. I still love you, missed you a lot, but we have a lot of issues that we need to work on. I think it would be best to take a step back and not live together. We’ll still be together, be engaged, and not date other people.” I don’t know what to take from this. A lot of my friends think its fishy and believe it’s a waste of my time before he says, “it’s over or finds someone else.” I offered for us to go back to our hometown (where he wants to live) and rent a place together. He was quick to say, no.
I could take the offer, but can I deal with it emotionally? I can play the same games that he might be playing, but I think at the end the only person that’s going to hurt will be me. Woman tend to be a lot emotional than man. I don’t know which decision is best. The thought of it hurts me and Im scared of the end result if we lived apart…less phone calls, less text messages and soon he will fade away. I wish he would just tell me the truth, but I know he would never. What I feel is that he won’t call it quits with me because he knows Im a good woman and wants me as Plan B, just in case. I could be wrong, but that’s how I feel. He is not ready for the commitment that I want. Now he told me he doesn’t want kids, I have none.
I don’t know how many of you are spiritual woman, but I am and in my heart I don’t feel that God wants me here, but it’s been so hard to walk away. I do love him deeply, he is a good guy if he wasn’t this decision wouldnt be so hard. I feel like I’ve lost all my self-respect, courage and control over my life. I feel pathetic and such a loser because I have bent over backwards for this guy. He probably knows I wouldn’t leave and that’s why he acts the way he does because he knows he can get away with it.
I need advice girls…what do you guys think? Have you been here before?
Thanks for listening.