(Closed) Fiance said, “Lets take a Step Back…”

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Esmie: When the time comes, you will find the strength.  I just went through this last summer.  Except mine was a little more abusive.  You’ll be surprised how strong you actually are.  Give yourself some credit.

Post # 19
Member
6033 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@2PeasinaPod: can I just say that just today I have come across a few posts of yours where you took the words right out of my mouth? I think we would be friends in real life lol. But I could not agree more.

to the OP: Especially after there has already been cohabitation, at a certain point in a relationship there should be no need for such a thing as a break or even space. If working on the relationship is what he wants to do than not living together and remaning strong as a couple is the last thing that he should want to do. Im so so so sorry you are dealing with this OP. It is never a pain free decision but I do hope you pray and reflect on it and come to a decision that will lead you to happiness.

Post # 20
Member
3216 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

“I don’t know how many of you are spiritual woman, but I am and in my heart I don’t feel that God wants me here, but it’s been so hard to walk away. I do love him deeply, he is a good guy if he wasn’t this decision wouldnt be so hard. I feel like I’ve lost all my self-respect, courage and control over my life. I feel pathetic and such a loser because I have bent over backwards for this guy. He probably knows I wouldn’t leave and that’s why he acts the way he does because he knows he can get away with it.”

You said everything right there. God will give you the strength to walk away and he wouldn’t give you a relationship that made you feel “pathetic and such a loser”– there’s something better out there, just stay strong and have faith. 

Post # 21
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If anything, let him move out first then do it.  That way the leaving part isn’t so hard because he’s already gone.  Then you won’t have to watch him pack up.

Post # 22
Member
17 posts
Newbee

You need to live your life for YOU. If I were you I’d give him an ultamatum…either he wants this relationship or he doesn’t. But you can’t just sit in limbo waiting for him to make up his mind. You need to find out the things you want out of life and so does he, and if those goals don’t match up then maybe it’s time to let him go.

 

Post # 25
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Your post seems very similar to something that I went through a few years ago. I consider myself a strong woman but I was heartsick when my ex pulled the rug out from under my feet. He told me that he regretted proposing to me and that we needed “space”.  After a week of despair and denial, I cut my losses and moved on. Where am I now? I’m married to my best friend and soul mate. God has a plan for you…just listen! It may hurt right now but you will get past this. You’ve got this girl! **Hugs to you**

Post # 26
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

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@Esmie: You absolutely deserve better. No one deserves to feel as if they did something wrong when they catch their SO in a lie. He’s turning things around on you and blaming you for his baby mama drama! Not cool!

It will be the hardest thing that you ever have to do, but the hardest step is the first one. Every one after that will still be really hard, but will get easier as time goes by.

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@stardustintheeyes: Hah, thanks! We totally could be friends!

Post # 28
Member
4884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What a crap situation, I’m sorry 🙁

So I can sometimes be pretty blunt so I’d like to go ahead and apologize ahead of time if I come across as a b-word.  But from my perspective as an outsider, it sounds to me like your’e dealing with a dude who doesn’t have the balls to say what he really means. He’s giving you as much as he’s comfortable with, but won’t go ahead and say it: he doesn’t want to be with you. 

Being engaged involves moving forward, not taking steps back.  This person wants to downgrade your situation while you figure things out?  Oh no.  No no.  Lady, it’s time to free yourself.  Make this decision before he does it for you, because I can almost guar-an-tee that he’s beginning the end. 

Good luck to you.

Post # 31
Member
4884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Everyone’s situations are different, no doubt.. but I can tell you this:  it’s not supposed to be like this.  You’re not supposed to wonder, be confused, hurt, talk about dating others, etc etc etc.  This relationship isn’t going anywhere that is good for you.

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