- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
The title says it all.
I have a picture in my phone from my most recent fitting. I have it on my phone because his sister is overseas in the Army and has asked to see the dress next time we are able to talk online. I have asked and told my fiance multiple times not to look through the pictures in my phone because my dress was in there. He always said something along the lines of “okay, that’s not a problem, I won’t look, I never go in there anyways.” Okay, cool, I thought.
Well, we went camping this weekend, and when we went out hiking, we forgot the real camera back at the campsite, so we ended up using my camera phone since it takes better pictures than his. We took a bunch of pictures, and I told him I’d show him them when we got back. Before we went back to the campsite, we stopped by a local shop/restaurant and I went inside to get a grilled cheese. He said he didn’t want anything. Okay cool.
So we’re driving back and I ate half the sandwich and he asked for the other half, so I decided to be nice and give it to him. After he ate it, he told me that while I was in the store he looked through my phone to see the camping pictures and accidentally saw my wedding dress. I freaked out!! I was compltely beyond pissed started crying and was really really really upset. And then I yelled at him because if he had told me that before he asked for the sandwich I wouldn’t have let him have any (haha).
But no, seriously. I’m still really really upset. I have a month until the wedding and I don’t want a new dress. But I don’t want to wear that one either. I love my dress, but I really wanted it to be special and a surprise. Now that he has seen it, I don’t feel excited about that dress one bit. Not at all. It gave me such good and giddy feelings, but now I don’t even want to look at it. We were never planning on a first look or anything, and I just feel so bummed and upset that this special moment has been taken away from me. I always wanted to see his face when he first sees me as the sanctuary doors open, and now that face knows what to expect and it wont be the same.
I know I sound crazy, but I’ve literally been crying for almost 24 hours because I’m so upset. There’s only but so many “big” surprises like this in life, and this one is just gone. I don’t feel special about it anymore. I may as well wear jeans and a tshirt since he’s seen those before too.
And blah blah blah, I know… my sister said “But the dress will look totally different once alterations are done” but no, it wont. The dress fits perfectly in that picture. And I’m not a crazy big jewelery wearer and my hair isn’t going to be anything special, so in that picture he pretty much saw me on my wedding day.
I’m so pissed and upset and don’t know what to do with myself. I never thought he’d look at my pictures and see the dress, and I never thought that if he did, that it would affect me so badly! I’m seriously flustered and so confused about what to do. I’m afraid I’ll cry walking down the aisle because of either A) I’m wearing a new dress that I don’t like as much, or B) I’m wearing my dress but don’t feel how I want to feel in it anymore…. when I’d rather cry because I’m so happy to marry my fiance.
And I am. I am SO happy to be marrying him, but I just feel sort of cheated out of this moment.
Ugh, I had something else to say but my mind has been running a million miles a minute, so if I think of it again I’ll edit the post.