(Closed) Fiance says he's not sure, am I right to be freaked out??

posted 4 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 31
2610 posts
Sugar bee

You seem very level headed and on the right path to resolving this. You’re willing to recognize your downfalls and work on them and he is as well. If your only major problem is that you bicker sometimes about wedding stuff then you’re doing pretty well. I think that people have a false image of being engaged and planning a wedding as this fun, exciting thing. But planning a wedding is so stressful! Particularly when you have complicated family dynamics to contend with. 

I think counselling is a great idea so that you can both get some perspective. I would be afraid to marry someone who’s confidence in the relationship could waver so easily. Hopefully it will show each of you what you need to see. 

Post # 32
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“Oh, ugh.  Now you’re going to be tip toeing around on eggshells to avoid the possibility of any unpleasantness that could displease your Fiance.”

This is exactly what I would worry about. He kind of has all the cards in the relationship right now, and I would be wary of trying to “be a good girl” so I don’t anger my Fiance and then becoming resentful. It’s not wrong that he has doubts (he probably can’t help that), but it’s not your job to make him feel 99% (or whatever number) about marrying you. You can only be the best person you can be (both to yourself and him). He can only do the same. Causally pulling out a number on you is manipulative. My response would be to say, “You’ve expressed your doubts and I’m glad you did. I need to tell you that I’m not comfortable moving forward with planning a wedding with someone who is not on the same page with me. I think we need to step back.” That doesn’t mean you break up, but please don’t feel that you need to convince him of anything.

Post # 33
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’d be pretty pissed off if your fighting style hasn’t changed dramatically since he proposed.  He knew who you were and he asked you to marry him, he doesn’t get to demand that you change as a condition of that.

Depending on exactly how brutal these fights are, either he shouldn’t have continued the relationship if he wasn’t happy, or his expectations of how peaceful a relationship should be are unrealistic.

Because four months without a single fight is wildly unrealistic.

Post # 34
2119 posts
Buzzing bee

Eek! Bee, I would seriously postpone the wedding until you’re back on track. You don’t want to get to August to find out he’s still only at 93%, whatever that even means! 

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