Post # 1
Long story short…he stays out most nights if not every night playing video games until 2AM. Most of the time I come home and wait for him to get home from work so we can talk and hang out with each other for bit…and he never comes home. Not even a text to say “Hey I’m going to hang out for a little while.” I’ll either ask him where he is or just assume he’s not coming home. When he does come home, its for maybe an hour and then he leaves. I’ll go to bed alone, having not spent a single part of my day with him other than our phone calls on lunch breaks.
I’ve told him before as calmly as possible that sometimes I wish he would just spend a little time with me at night too. We both work all day. We even designated certain nights of the week for just “us” time. We will do something for a few hours…and he leaves until 1 or 2 right after! He doesn’t understand why this bothers me because “we live together, we see each other every day.” I literally spend alnost all of my free time outside of work alone. If he can stay out til 2 with his friends, why doesn’t he also want that much time with me? It’s really hurtful and he doesn’t seem to care because he only sees his side. He gets angry every time I bring it up. He finally told me tonight that if he’s bored he is not staying home. To me that sounds like I’m boring him. What can I do? I feel like there’s no possible way I can be in the wrong here for just wanting some quality time. How can I explain this to him and make him understand? We have even taken this to counseling and still no change. I’m sad and lonely and want to try and fix this!
Post # 2
You can’t. You’ve already gone well above and beyond in this situation. Never marry someone with the idea of fixing him. He has to want to change and he obviously doesn’t. I’d be done.
Post # 3
I don’t think the problem is you being “boring” I think the problem is you live with a selfish man child who always priorities his hobbies over your needs.
Post # 4
aw9412 : I have a question, how old are you? I don’t mean for this to sound offensive, but you should go and hang out with your friends or do things that you enjoy. I think the problem is that you’re waiting around on him and wanting him to be around all the time when that’s just not who he is. If you weren’t waiting around and were independent yourself I highly doubt this would be an issue especially since you said that you and him take time some time a week for time together as a couple. Most adults in their 30s and older USUALLY have a single date night once a week because they have so much they need to get done during the week like work, gym, housekeeping, kids, hobbies etc that they aren’t up underneath each other ALL THE TIME. Now I would ask him that he would not out of the house EVERYNIGHT until 2am but if he’s in the house and he’s spending his time playing video games, then I don’t see the problem as long as he is still helping around the house etc. Thats time for you to watch a chick flick that he wouldn’t tolerate sitting through, paint your nails, read a book.
Edit to add: also don’t expect him to read your mind. If you aren’t happy with that behavior all the time then tell him your designated date nights you want ALL NIGHT. Sometimes with men you literally need to spell it out.
Post # 5
I am 25 and he’s 24. I do admit for a while when this first became a problem (over a year ago) I was already very depressed and insecure and spent most of my time wanting to be around him.
In the last few months I (and with help of a therapist I have been seeing for a long long time.) have started doing more things on my own and spending more time with friends. It has helped…but it still feels like as far as our relationship goes, I am alone more often than not. I feel like he just doesn’t enjoy spending time with me. I have told him this and asked him what are some things he may like to do together. He always says he is just fine with what we have and that he is always happy to be with me. I just feel stuck on what else I can try to do. Whether it be together or just by myself.
Post # 6
aw9412 : I have to agree with
Mrs_Beer : here. This isn’t about you being boring, though I do think you need to invest in your own time and do stuff with friends, this is about him living like an 18 year old and being selfish. The fact he gets angry when you bring it up screams immaturity. And if you feel so alone in a relationship (I’ve been there) then that screams ‘get out’.
How on earth can you be engaged to a boy (not a man at all) when he’s happy to be out every night until 2 am playing video games rather than wanting to be with you every night.
Seriously Bee, this whole thing doesn’t sound good to me ans you’re worrying and being paranoid because of his actions.
Post # 7
aw9412 : I second the “Man child” vote. He doesn’t prioritize you at all. I seriously wouldn’t waste my therapy sessions on someone like this. Spend time focusing on yourself and find a real man.
Post # 8
He prefers to be with his friends playing video games until 2am every night than being with his own fiancée because he gets bored?? What is he 12? Does he not have a job?
He’s immature and selfish, he’s a kid not a man, break up with him and find someone who prioritises you over their friends and video games.
Post # 9
He’s obviously not ready for marriage, which doesn’t surprise me given his incredibly young age. Because of this, I am honestly not interested in giving you some kind of advice about how to “fix” this, because it shouldn’t be fixed — nor can it be. He is still too young for a serious, committed and adult relationship. It’s time you recognized and accepted that fact and let this relationship go. Sorry, Bee.
Post # 10
Does he have a video game addiction? It makes me wonder when he says you are boring obviously you can’t compete with the graphics and sounds of video games and if he is leaving you every night to play video games that is a serious problem.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
It’s not you being boring it’s him being bored. I bet he has video games at home does he stays home and play? No. He leaves and goes to his friends because he is bored at home and likes to hang out with his friends at their house. My ex use to do this with pool. Always out until late night hours playing pool. So we decided to get a pool table, because he would stay home lol. Well it lasted for a little bit but than it continued. You seem content with your life being at home and relaxing spending time with him. While he likes to be out and do his thing. I think it’s rather excessive that he spends so much time doing it. Just know that you have at least tried to compromise on this and it didn’t work. Maybe you two just are not compatible.
Post # 13
Well, where to begin.
Never marry a man who doesn’t treat you better than he treats himself.
(This is actually my husband’s advice to women.)
If you take his advice you’ll steer clear of quite a lot of mean and selfish people.
In the meantime I can say that your fiance’s behaviour is mean, selfish and unacceptable. There are much better men out there but it’s difficult to find them if you stick with this man.
It does seem to me that your fiance is actually the boring one. He could be saving the world or going on exciting adventures yet all he can manage is hours and hours of gaming. I doubt such a lifestyle is good for his waistline, his mental capacities or his work efficiency.
I always say never marry a man who treats you like an old but comfortable sock – one that he’s fond of but doesn’t put ant effort in to look after.
If he’s not prepared to put in effort to your relationship then leave.
Don’t put up with this behaviour. You deserve so much better.
Post # 14
He sounds like a selfish asshole tbh.
Post # 15
Gee, your fiance sounds like such a great fun guy. Not. He’s the one who’s boring. You can do better than this guy.