(Closed) Fiance says I'm getting fat and you better get that in control.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Honestly he seems super self centered. Or else he would say that he thinks you have gained some weight and THEN he’d support you to loose weight and eat healthier. Dont let him ruin your self esteem! 

Post # 77
Member
5974 posts
Bee Keeper

Gee, sorry ladies, this one’s taken undecided

I haven’t read all the comments but I’m sure the Bees have covered the whole ‘ditch the douchebag’ angle. 

IF you had a legitimate weight issue, legitimate as in a genuine health concern, not because you’ve gained four pounds since high school- a decent  caring partner would want to help you, not hurt you. A decent caring partner would speak to you from a place of sensitivity and concern and would want to encourage you, would offer to accompany you to a doctor or a gym, would offer to go for walks with you, eat and cook healthy together. 

Someone who makes mean and awful comments like you describe, this is more about his character than your real or perceived weight issue and if he speaks like this to you about your appearance, it’s a good indicator of how he treats you in general. 

You need to gather up your self-esteem and not let anyone treat you like this- kicking this guy to the curb would be job one to build your confidence and self-respect. 

 

Post # 78
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

That’s borderline abusive, verbally and emotionally. It’s cruel, it’s ignorant, and he is wrong. I’d leave him. 

Post # 79
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

 

I am eating a cookie while typing this post.  A chocolate chip cookie with walnuts to be precise, it has 460 calories.  It is glorious.  I also walked 10000 steps and ate a breakfast of fruit.

Now onto business.  His words aren’t abusive nor are they particularly nasty.  It may have taken him a lot of courage to utter those words to you, and you should be grateful.  It is important that you appreciate that entering a longterm relationship involves assesing all of the things we have in common with our partners.  We need to decide if we each want children, if we are compatible roommates, if our priorities jive, and also we need to know how our fitness goals mesh.  My body isn’t perfect, nor do I pretend that it is.  However, me and Fiance have both decided that we will pepper our chocolate splurges with activity whenever we can so we can (hopefully) live long full lives together.

If you want to sit back and cynically make fun of those who treasure their bodies, maybe you are the problem.  Maybe you need to find someone who shares similar interests as you and will be happy sitting with you on the couch, watching my 600lb life, and eating trisuits with brie saying “at least we’re not that fat”. Consider this a wakeup call.

Post # 81
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

snowlovingbee :   …Physical appearance is a reflection of a person’s internal world and reflects a sign of pride in self and self-respect…

 

I’m extremely well groomed. I take pride in my physical appearance but I’m slighly overweight. According to your statement overweight equals bad and must reflect that my internal world is in chaos. I call absolute bullshit on your observation. I’ve met well groomed people who’s internal life is an absolute mess. I’ve also met people who are not appearance focused but have all their shit together but just don’t place importance on the vessel that carries them through life.   

I also disagree with your observation that contrary to common belief that looks do matter. We evolve past that in a long term relationship. Most of us will probably say we don’t find 70 year old men attractive but god willing we will all have long happy marriages and will find ourselves married to 70 year old men. Do we ditch our Husband’s because suddenly they are the definition of what we find unattractive??? Not likely. We will find them ‘sexy as’ because we have evolved past the superficial of physicality in a long term relationships. Your partner is attractive to you because of what’s on the inside….

OP, your partner didn’t express his concern about your weight for important reasons such as health but as someone in the medical profession I can categorically say that weight isn’t the only marker for poor health. It can be an indicator but many anomalies do occur in that assumption. He brought it up only in the physical attraction sense.

Do you really want to be together with someone who only finds you attractive with stipulations attached. As other bees have said what will happen in ageing, childbirth and illness? Do you want the stress of feeling you have to meet his standards throughout life or run the risk of losing him?  

 

 

Post # 82
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Can you two make working out a fun date night? like three days a week hangout at the gym together? or go for morning runs together? But I agree with everyone else, his comments are rude.

Post # 83
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee

Goodness. I would automatically assume he will want a younger “prettier” girl after you have had his children, got a stretch mark or two, and aged 20 years. 

Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. If he threatens leaving at all then why is he asking you to marry him? 

DUMP HIM.

 

Post # 84
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

kels207 :  I also had this kind of situation before my marriage but the difference is that you fiance told you to lose your weight while I felt it by myself. I had no time because I was a working woman and then, I started jogging every day in the morning and the body shapers helped me a lot to get a fit body. (comment moderated for violation of TOS) 

Post # 85
Hostess
8206 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

This thread is a year old so I am closing it. 

The topic ‘Fiance says I'm getting fat and you better get that in control.’ is closed to new replies.

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