- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2016
So I’ve posted a few times on here about how my fiancé has been flip-flopping on our wedding plans, how he “doesn’t want to be the centre of attention” and how we finally decided to change to a smaller wedding in my hometown at the aquarium. I’ve tried to explain our wedding is not a show. Its a celebration bringing together our friends and family.
Im currently living in my FI’s hometown, far from home, basically no friends here. So I’m often browsing wedding stuff on Pinterest and running ideas by him. Yesterday I was looking at invitations, showing him some.
Out of the blue, he says we should put off the wedding another year. We got engaged in late November, after a year and half of living together. I wanted a long engagement, at least 18 months. He was fine with that. So we set it for summer 2016. Which will also be around our 3 year anniversary.
So when he says he wants to put it off another year, I am obviously astonished and ask why. He brings up my fear of pregnancy and childbirth (tokophobia) and says “you know how you want therapy to get over your fear of pregnancy? Well maybe I need therapy for the wedding.” I say well get therapy then! He just kind of dismisses that, and says he doesn’t want to put deposits down. we both stop talking, and I go to bed and cry myself to sleep.
This morning were not saying much, then he says “you shouldn’t be mad at me”, I say “how am I supposed to feel?” He says nothings changed. He isn’t afraid of marrying me, just the wedding. He said we can put deposits down when he gets paid for his most recent project. He says he’s sorry my friends arent here to help me plan but that he can’t hear about it, and maybe I should go plan with his sister. I don’t say much because I’m too upset and he leaves for work.
has anyone else experienced something like this? He’s said before he would rather we just go to city hall and get married, the two of us. I used to work as a wedding planner, weddings are my passion. I felt I’d already compromised on the smaller wedding then he throws this at me.
i want to be sympathetic, because I can understand having an irrational fear, but it’s really hard when this is something that matters a lot to me and his family, etc.
Google isn’t helping. Everything that comes up is fear of commitment and marriage. I want to do premarital counselling. do you think this is something they could address?