Post # 1
<pre id=”yui_3_10_3_2_1411206803203_128″ class=”q_content ellipsis” style=”margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;”>Okay I need to apesk to someone about this because I’m about to flip out. My fiancé lived with his parents up until he was 28. We were together 5 years when he finally moved in with me – and only because I broke up with him for not willing to take the next step.
So fast forward 2 years and an engagement. I’ve been traveling a lot for work and every time I’m gone he stays at his parents house for the duration of the trip.
I don’t understand why and I can’t help but feel a little annoyed or perturbed by it. They live 10 minutes away. We see them every single Sunday. And he’s over there at least once or twice a week to help his m with something or drive her somewhere.
I just don’t understand why every time I’m gone he HAS to be at his parents. Especially because all he does is complain about them – he never has nice things to say about them! What if anything should I say to him? I don’t understand why a grown man would want to sleep on his parents couch instead of his own bed in his own apartment. But maybe that’s it and that’s why I feel so insulted – he doesn’t consider our apartment his home.
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I would also be annoyed by this, but I don’t really have advice. I guess just ask him why?
Post # 3
*need to speak. sorry I wrote this out on an app on my phone, not sure why it pasted so funny.
Post # 4
It must be really annoying but is it possible that because he lived with them for so long he could be afraid to sleep in a house/ apartment alone? It may be something he is ashamed of and hasn’t wanted to bring up because as an adult its seen as a childish fear. It could be that he gets anxiety when you leave and the easiest way for him to control it is to run back to the safety net of his parents?
Post # 5
I would be SO irritated. Maybe it’s just a different value system, but I’d see it as total dependence — he can’t be on his own, and at 30, that’s frickin scary. Has he explained why he does it? Have you asked?
Post # 6
LAX03: Did he move in with you? Is it possible he doesn’t feel like it is his home but rather yours that he stays in? Or as a PP mentioned maybe he is afraid of being alone.
Post # 7
I can understand why you’re annoyed. But really it’s a good thing that he has a good relationship with his family… It sounds like he’s a little overattached though. Maybe you guys need to move into a new home (perhaps some distance away from his parents!) in order to fully start a new life together.
Post # 8
He lives with me. I just spoke wih him and he doesn’t see the big deal. We don’t have cable or any video game systems. So he says he goes there to catch up on shows, and play with his brothers new playstation so he isn’t bored.
Maybe be im thinking too much about this.
I am very homesick right now – I’ve been traveling every other week since August. I guess it’s starting to get to me.
Post # 9
Heck, if I lived with no cable or gaming system and was home alone with parents 10 minutes away who had both, I would go there rather than be alone too! That makes way more sense than a 30 year old who can’t sleep alone.
Post # 10
LAX03: in light of this comment I would to buy the man a playstation! Cause yea, that shit would NOT fly with me!
Post # 11
Just to clarify, I mean that him staying with his mommy when i’m gone wouldn’t fly. Not not having a gaming system
Post # 12
LAX03: I’ll take the other side of the debate lol. Does he have any friends in the area? my fiancé travels quite abit and I don’t enjoy being alone so I usually have friends sleep over at my house. Maybe he isn’t afraid of being alone but just prefers not to be alone. If his parents house is 10minutes away, has cable and gaming systems, and I’m assuming unlimited cooked meals, id probably take that deal too over being bored at home and having to cook for one! If definately consider getting cable or some kind of gaming system if it bothers you so much so the guy has something to do when your not home. Also, check into the friend situation and see if there is someone else he can hang with while your gone if you don’t want him at his parents.
Post # 13
LAX03: I don’t see this as that big of a deal. Some people just hate to be alone. To be honest, I hate sleeping alone in my apartment and if my husband is away, I may go visit my parents and spend the night (but never for the whole time – that’s just inconvenient for me).
I also understand more now that you said you don’t have cable, etc. and he has access there to it. I would be really bored if my husband wasn’t home and I had no cable. He’s probably just doing it to entertain himself!
Post # 14
It’s kind of weird but maybe not that weird, especially since you live pretty close. Did you find your place together or was it your place to start?
I’m going to leave out a lot of possibly relevant details, but when I first moved out with my fiance our apartment didn’t really feel like home to either of us (it was also work as we managed the building…), and every Friday we would go to dinner at my parents place and sometimes wouldn’t leave until Sunday.
So it really doesn’t seem that strange especially as you’re not around, he must just prefer to be around his family to being alone. Could you find out why it might not feel like home to him? I think you’d have to approach it really carefuly though, and it doesn’t necessarily have to have anything to do with you.
Post # 15
LAX03: (shrug). He can’t spend time with you (so there’s no loss), and he gets to spend time with his parents. Sounds like a win-win to me.