Post # 1
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: July 2013 - Four Rivers Environmental Center
We don’t make a lot of money. We, or at least I, devote all money to bills and wedding savings.
He LOVES video games. He has the main few that he follows religiously.
He collects for more than just the game play, he is obsessed with quality and the collection.
I have been saving to order my dress and I want to do it by Nov 7 in order to get it in and have enough cushion to get it altered and make it perfect, and 2 of his favorite games are coming out within a week of eachother. He HAS to buy collector editions and get them ON the release date, and that’s almost $200 that he can’t contribute to the savings for my dress / the wedding in general.
I don’t know if I am being selfish since it’s MY dress I want to get but it’s needed for the wedding, and we are on a time crunch. I am so upset and anytime I suggest waiting for the games a week or two he acts like I’m taking something from him.
I never get to buy ANYTHING I want, except food and we are both guilty on wasting money in that aspect.
I don’t know what to do….
Post # 3
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
I hear ya. My Fiance and I got into it today because he wants to spend $300-400 on a World Series ticket. One ticket! I love baseball, but that is ridiculous. In the end, though, our finances are still not officially combined and I can’t tell him what to do with his money. I know he has been putting money toward wedding savings, but I don’t know how much. If it comes down to it, if I am contributing more because he didn’t save enough, some of our decisions will ultimately be my decisions… If he wants something special at the wedding, he better damn well save for it and buy it himself, just like I am doing.
Post # 4
Member
4930 posts
Honey bee
I think it’s a little crazy that he has to get them on the release date. My FH loves his video games, but he’ll gladly get them used from GameStop a couple weeks after they’re out.
I don’t think it’s being selfish that you want to be able to order your dress. You need to order it soon or it may not be in on time. His games could wait, but he doesn’t want them to. I see a difference here, especially since it sounds like he indulges in video games pretty frequently.
Post # 5
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
Negotiate. One game now, and one for Christmas. It’s time he pulls up his big boy pants and realizes that life does not revolve around video games.
Source of info: The same discussion Hubby and I have each and every summer and fall regarding fishing and hunting clothing and equipment. Except he doesn’t get to wait for Christmas; he gets to see what he has left over from last season, and reuse it.
Post # 6
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I think he should be saving too. You should discuss money and budget how much you hope to save each month vs. how much should be used on “fun stuff.” It sounds like he just needs to break his single guy ways and start thinking like half of a couple.
Post # 7
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper
If he collects them and purchases collectors editions he may not be able to get them after release date, lots of the time collectors editions need to be preordered or sell out very quickly.
That being said, I’d ask him to compromise. Pick the one that he couldn’t stand not having the collector’s edition for and have him purchase the other later as a regular edition.
It sounds to me the issue goes much deeper than a few video games, though. You two needs to sit down and come up with a budget where you both get a little fun money and are equally contributing (percentage wise) to bills and savings.
Post # 8
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: July 2013 - Four Rivers Environmental Center
Thanks guys, it’s just annoying. These are games he’s been looking forward too FOREVER and he has put a good 5 or so on hold until whenever more appropriate.
@AlwaysSunny: He DOES save. Most of our savings for other things have come from him (during summer he has a MUCH higher paying job than me) and he has paid for a lot of the deposits and I pay as much as I possibly can, so I can’t so much say he pays for nothing. It’s just now that I set a deadline and appointment to order my dress, it seems worse to me.
Post # 9
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Since from your update it sounds like he’s not just randomly spending whatever he wants and neglecting the savings, I think you need to allow him some toys. It’s not fair to expect him to put 100% of his disposable income towards the wedding.
Post # 10
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: July 2013 - Four Rivers Environmental Center
@mrsSonthebeach: We only just in the past… month maybe or less started doing FULL extra money into savings. We used to go out a lot and buy fun things quite often. (I usually only spend money on little wedding things, but that’s by choice because I’m obsessed).
He also collects retro games and comic books, and buys those whenever he wants. Just now that we need it bad, it matters and is starting to hurt us financially.
Post # 11
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
@jymdrw: But if you have mostly been able to put money into savings, but are now saying that all discretionary income must be allocated to the wedding, you are essentially asking him to go “cold turkey”. I can understand that you are under pressure to make sure the wedding goes as you want it it, and that that includes making sure all payments are made on time. However, if it’s going to cause a strain between the two of you, then I would suggest what other posters have; create a budget, and give each of you a set amount each month for discretionary-non wedding purchases. That way he won’t feel that his interests are no longer important in the face of the wedding. While the wedding may be more important now, is it worth the discord later on, after the wedding?
Post # 12
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@jymdrw: Maybe it’s time to set a budget for discretionary spending, and then he can spend it however he pleases. You could choose a fixed dollar amount or a percentage of income. If you choose to put your discretionary money into savings, that’s your choice. If he wants to buy games, he can buy them guilt free.
Post # 13
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: July 2013 - Four Rivers Environmental Center
I just really don’t feel like $200 is worth it for 2 games. We have spent money on things very recently and that’s WHY we are in this position now. We recently took a trip to visit friends for a weekend and spent money on going out every night. I don’t mind if he buys a ~$40 every so often or gets food or goes out, but it’s just a HUGE purchase that we really can’t handle.
Post # 14
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
@primcess: My fiancé wants to go to the World Series too, and I LOVE the Cardinals but not for 300+++ a ticket! Grrrr! Then again I have a serious handbag problem.
Post # 15
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper
@jymdrw: So you knew these games were coming out, you knew that they’re his favourite and he would be planning to buy them and you suddenly try to impose a rule saying that ALL fun money has to go to wedding savings? That hardly seems fair. I stand by my earlier statement, you two need a budget that allows you spending money. In your post you said “we” visited friends, “we” spend money going out, “we” are in this position, so the collective you should come up with an amenable solution, not just taking away your FI’s spending power.
Post # 16
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
the wedding is your toy, and i’m sure it’s costing a heck of a lot more than $200. not that he doesn’t want to marry you, but i’m guessing you’re spending money on details and upgrades that he would never think of and doesn’t understand, but is putting his money towards anyway.
i don’t know your financial situation, but i would talk to him about how the timing is stressing you out, and figure out a way to make it work, where you BOTH compromise. whether it’s that you both put yourself on a budget for food for the next few weeks/month, that you put either his games or a part of your dress on credit, that you push back something else you were going to pay for for the wedding (or make a smaller deposit on it), or whatever.
while i’m sure your finance is going to LOVE your dress, he would love one that was $200 less just as much, and it’s not fair to expect him to give up what he loves just to make your dream come true. compromise!
ps// i haven’t re-read any of your previous posts so if previous deposits have been bigger than necessary due to HIS wants, this may be a bit of a different conversation, although i would still advocate for talking it out and coming to a compromise you can both live with together 🙂
