(Closed) Fiancé taking 3 week vacation without me… Thoughts?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 91
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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peaches332 :  I think 3 weeks to visit family overseas is a good amount of time. Plane tickets cost a lot and so when my family or I go overseas to visit family, we always stay a minimum of 2-3 weeks to make the most of the pricey plane tickets. 

Post # 92
Member
2133 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s family. Sure it sucks that he will be gone but it’s one of those “it is what it is” situations. 

If he was visiting a female friend for that length of time, err then you would have reason to be upset.

Post # 93
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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aussiemum1248 :  why can’t she just go for less time and leave him there?!?! I have family abroad and it’s totally different , going to Africa for 7 days rather than as long as I can for the money it costs makes sense…. Also living without family and not seeing them due to Fiances for years takes its toll.

Also you ShOULD be taking time to go with him to see family you will soon be apart of…

Post # 94
Hostess
4751 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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amb1030 :  Oh no definitely not!  My parents are just super weird about sharing rooms lol.  Even FI’s baptist parents let us share a room now that we’re engaged. 

Post # 95
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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peaches332 :  You’ve put 10’s of thousands towards the wedding and he hasn’t put a dime? (Post 34). As a few posters have said, the trip isn’t your biggest worry then. This guy doesn’t care about the wedding. And if he knows you’re putting all that money in, he doesn’t care much about the relationship either. I think you should seriously evaluate if you want to marry this man.

p.s. To the people saying “he has to see his family”, it’s not even his immediate family, it’s his cousins. I rarely see my cousins, and I certainly wouldn’t be travelling to see them when there’s a wedding to save for. 

Post # 96
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

I’m going to agree with the commenters who said the bigger problem here is that he’s contributed no money to the wedding. Heck no, that’s not ok. Doesn’t seem like he cares much for paying for the wedding and you will become resentful (or have already) because of it. 

You should talk to him about that for sure!

Post # 97
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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peaches332 :  Is there a reason he has to go for 3 weeks? Why not make it 2 weeks? Or like 10-12 days? I think that since he recently got a new job, he needs to start putting money away for the wedding. Since its family he’s visiting, I don’t think that means that he shouldn’t go, but I think a good start would be to cut his trip in half and put the money he would have spent on the second half of the trip away for the wedding. 

Post # 98
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee

My question is, does your Fiance know how much money you’ve contributed to the wedding? Have you had a discussion about the budget, and how much each of you would contribute? Does he want a huge wedding? Do you guys have a date set and any vendors booked already? I feel like a lot of info was left out here.

As for the trip, 3 weeks to see family he rarely gets to see on the other side of the world is just a blip. Let him go. Let him have fun. If you can swing it, go for a portion of the trip. 

Post # 99
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

This does not sound like it’s about the trip. He invited you, you couldn’t go. I’d be gutted that I’d missed a cool trip but I’d let it go and hope he had fun. There will be plenty more trips as a couple.

BUT this money thing is whack- why is he not contributing anything? Have you discussed this? That’s a way bigger issue than a three week holiday.

Post # 100
Member
4226 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

Before DH and I got married we’d go on seperate vacations. He once went to Montreal for two weeks to visit his friend (a yearly tradition they’d had years before I came into the picture) and it didn’t even occur to him to invite me. I also went on a few trips without him to visit family and friends – but they usually only lasted about a week. 

I totally get how you are feeling…if finances were affecting my wedding plans I’d raise an eyebrow too. But in this situation (visiting family he hasn’t seen in years) I’d let it go. That being said, don’t let this fester and ultimately boil over…CALMLY discuss your feeling because open communication is very important!

Post # 101
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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peaches332 :  I’m not gonna read 7 pages of comments, and answering to your original post: he needs some time alone with his family. I’m in exact situation as him: my family is in Ukraine, my mother, brother, beloved step-dad, and hordes of other relatives. I can only afford to go there every few years, and each minute with them is precious. It doesn’t make sense to go to Europe for a week or less, due to a large timezone difference and long travel: it wastes at least 2-3 days on travel and to adjust to their local time. I’ve been with my husband for 14 years, and went back to Ukraine about 9 or 10 time, each time for 3 weeks or longer. And guess, how many times my husband went with me? Once! Only for the last week of my vacation a long time ago. He loved it there, but it’s a pain in the butt tiring  for me having to translate every word and every joke, so it’s gonna be a long time until he goes there again. It also is very expensive to pay for 2 people, when only one really needs to be there. 

I say, stop your unnecessary jealousy. It doesn’t make you look good. Instead, plan your own little vacation when he is overseas. Spend some quality time with your own family. You need to appreciate the fact, that your family is close by, some people can’t see their loved ones for years. 

I gotta tell you, if my husband ever told me, that I’m not allowed to see my family or travel on my own, I’d dump his ass right then and there. Yes, we miss each other, but that’s how our reunions are even sweeter.

Post # 102
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

He hasnt seen his family in years so I wouldn’t be bothered by it. I will admit though it would bother me though that he turned down all the vacations you want to go on though. I think a lot of posters are missing that. I hope your fiance invited you. If not than I would re consider things that he is willing to go away for 3 weeks and not invite his own fiance. But if he invited you then that’s completely different.

Post # 103
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

If you were invited and he is visiting family, then I think it is 100% ok!

Post # 104
Member
569 posts
Busy bee

You’ve saved tens of thousands while he hasn’t given a dime?! If he has been able to contribute but hasn’t, he has ZERO  interest in having a wedding or worse, getting married.  

Beware of someone who puts barriers and bumps in the road as to why they can’t contribute to creating a life with you.

 

Post # 105
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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lexipediabride :  wait I’m confused you are his future wife and his brother is engaged why aren’t the future wives invited? Wouldn’t that 2 weeks be a great time for the fiances to bond with the future families. It just seems odd to me that they are acting like they are holding onto their old family instead of accepting that the family is growing and being inclusive of the new family.

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