Fiance tells me my cat cannot come with me when I move in our new house

posted 3 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

So where would the cat go? Does your fiance expect you to give your cat up to a shelter where it will likely be killed?

In my perspective, pets are family. You either go together, or not at all. Tell him you and your cat are a package deal and he can either take both of you or neither.

Post # 3
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Pass.

Post # 4
Member
2418 posts
Buzzing bee

Keep the cat.  

Put the fiance up for adoption.

Post # 5
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Shame on him! Is is daughter in her 20’s? I mean will they live with you guys on the weekends? Or are the going to visit time to time? Can she take an allergy pill when she comes over? He knew you had the the baby and he sprung this on you now! That’s terrible. I’m so sorry he did this to you.

Post # 6
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Dealbreaker for me!

Post # 7
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

Bye, Felicia (fiancé). Well, at least you found out now before the wedding. Give kitty some extra kisses today. 

Post # 8
Member
568 posts
Busy bee

If his daughters’ allergies are so severe that they can’t visit a home that has pets, this is a HUGE factor your fiance should have mentioned to you long before now. 

My pets are part of my family and a package deal for me. 

People with severe allergies shouldn’t compromise their health and people with pets shouldn’t be expected to give their pets away like it’s no biggie. In the case of severe allergies and pet ownership, this is a fundamental incompatibility- and your fiance didn’t let you know this so this is on him. It’s very telling that he undervalues your dear pets to the point that this is just a last minute ‘oh by the way, forgot to mention but….’ for him. 

Dealbreaker for me. 

Post # 9
Member
6167 posts
Bee Keeper

If your Fiance truly feels he has to choose between having his daughters in his home or having your cat in his home he’s going to choose his daughters. If he’s choosing between you and his daughters he’s likely to also choose his daughters. How old are they? How allergic are they?

I love my dogs and wouldn’t judge you for postponing or canceling wedding plans while you decide if this is something you can work through. Would you leave him over this?

Post # 10
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

reminds me of an ex-boyfriend. I moved in with him temporatily for the summer. He said he was allergic to cats and wouldn’t let me bring my cat. Fortunately my friend took care of my cat for me for the summer. Before the summer was over, Ex boyfriend actually broke up with me bc he said he didn’t love me anymore. No fight or inciting event leading up to his bomb drop. 

Current husband, also said he was allergic to cats. But he always took some kind of allergy pill before he came over to my place and when we decided to move in together, there was no question, he never asked me not to bring my cat. He takes care of my cat as if his own and eventually his allergies subsided.  

So beware, first your fiance who has no regards to your feelings is willing to kick your cat to the curb, the next will be you!!   IF his kid doesn’t want to come over bc of allergies, that’s fine. You can visit them instead .  If fiance still says no, don’t move in with him and either live separately or break up. Such an ass for telling you after wedding planning.

Post # 11
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee

Uhhh he knew about the cat what the hell?! How severe are the allergies?  So are they ok with a claritin? Or are we talking epi pen? Or asthma attack? 

I have allergies in all three categories, some mild some epi pen severe. So epi pen one there isn’t much to do about that other than avoidance. The claritin one is self explanatory they can pop one before they come. The asthma one is harder. 

Hard to advise without knowing the severity of the allergy. But he can’t spring this on you he had to know it could come up if it’s severe. And if they don’t live there it’s much harder to justify.  And the cat isn’t a thing, it’s  a living being. I have cats myself and I consider them family. 

  • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by  sweatergal007.
Post # 12
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee

smallbee :  And  good point about visiting them. I’d be weary and what if you’re next? And cat is now adopted out? 

Post # 14
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

I would never in a million years give up a pet for a man. Period.

Post # 15
Member
6167 posts
Bee Keeper

jordan1234 :  So they never visit ANYONE who has a cat? Can’t they just take a Benadryl when they visit? I’d be wondering what this is really about. 

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