Post # 1
I was just told that he does not want my cat to come with me when we move in together. He is blaming it on his adult daughters allergies, but they would not even live there. They told them that they would not come to our house if I have a cat. He is extremely close to them, and I guess does not want to upset them. So instead upset me. I love my cat and I cannot believe that he would ask this of me. I am sorry, but he knew I had her and he just now tells me this after the date has been set and wedding plans are underway. What do you guys think?
Post # 2
So where would the cat go? Does your fiance expect you to give your cat up to a shelter where it will likely be killed?
In my perspective, pets are family. You either go together, or not at all. Tell him you and your cat are a package deal and he can either take both of you or neither.
Post # 4
Keep the cat.
Put the fiance up for adoption.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Shame on him! Is is daughter in her 20’s? I mean will they live with you guys on the weekends? Or are the going to visit time to time? Can she take an allergy pill when she comes over? He knew you had the the baby and he sprung this on you now! That’s terrible. I’m so sorry he did this to you.
Post # 7
Bye, Felicia (fiancé). Well, at least you found out now before the wedding. Give kitty some extra kisses today.
Post # 8
If his daughters’ allergies are so severe that they can’t visit a home that has pets, this is a HUGE factor your fiance should have mentioned to you long before now.
My pets are part of my family and a package deal for me.
People with severe allergies shouldn’t compromise their health and people with pets shouldn’t be expected to give their pets away like it’s no biggie. In the case of severe allergies and pet ownership, this is a fundamental incompatibility- and your fiance didn’t let you know this so this is on him. It’s very telling that he undervalues your dear pets to the point that this is just a last minute ‘oh by the way, forgot to mention but….’ for him.
Dealbreaker for me.
Post # 9
If your Fiance truly feels he has to choose between having his daughters in his home or having your cat in his home he’s going to choose his daughters. If he’s choosing between you and his daughters he’s likely to also choose his daughters. How old are they? How allergic are they?
I love my dogs and wouldn’t judge you for postponing or canceling wedding plans while you decide if this is something you can work through. Would you leave him over this?
Post # 10
reminds me of an ex-boyfriend. I moved in with him temporatily for the summer. He said he was allergic to cats and wouldn’t let me bring my cat. Fortunately my friend took care of my cat for me for the summer. Before the summer was over, Ex boyfriend actually broke up with me bc he said he didn’t love me anymore. No fight or inciting event leading up to his bomb drop.
Current husband, also said he was allergic to cats. But he always took some kind of allergy pill before he came over to my place and when we decided to move in together, there was no question, he never asked me not to bring my cat. He takes care of my cat as if his own and eventually his allergies subsided.
So beware, first your fiance who has no regards to your feelings is willing to kick your cat to the curb, the next will be you!! IF his kid doesn’t want to come over bc of allergies, that’s fine. You can visit them instead . If fiance still says no, don’t move in with him and either live separately or break up. Such an ass for telling you after wedding planning.
Post # 11
Uhhh he knew about the cat what the hell?! How severe are the allergies? So are they ok with a claritin? Or are we talking epi pen? Or asthma attack?
I have allergies in all three categories, some mild some epi pen severe. So epi pen one there isn’t much to do about that other than avoidance. The claritin one is self explanatory they can pop one before they come. The asthma one is harder.
Hard to advise without knowing the severity of the allergy. But he can’t spring this on you he had to know it could come up if it’s severe. And if they don’t live there it’s much harder to justify. And the cat isn’t a thing, it’s a living being. I have cats myself and I consider them family.
Post # 12
smallbee : And good point about visiting them. I’d be weary and what if you’re next? And cat is now adopted out?
Post # 13
beethree : They are mid twenties. They do not live at home anymore. They just would be visiting our house. I agree, he would always pick them. I understand if it were life/death and epi-pens were needed. But I was never told any of this and I do not think its that severe.
Post # 14
I would never in a million years give up a pet for a man. Period.
Post # 15
jordan1234 : So they never visit ANYONE who has a cat? Can’t they just take a Benadryl when they visit? I’d be wondering what this is really about.