Fiance tells me my cat cannot come with me when I move in our new house

posted 3 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 136
11646 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I also think it’s possible that the daughters did bring this issue up much earlier and the fiance ignored it, intentionally, until now. 

Post # 137
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I don’t like cats. Like they’re really not my thing and I’m allergic. You know what I do? I don’t date men with cats. Yes that cuts out like 40% of the possible dating pool – but I know I never want a cat in my home – so why would I start dating someone with a cat. It’s not like it’s hard to tell. People bring up their pets pretty early on in a relationship. If you date people with cats, you end with cats. Period. Your fiance is using this 100% as an excuse not to move in. And if he is actually making this decision for his daughters benefit (which I don’t believe he is) that’s insane. How much time do two adults in their 20s spend in their fathers house? How has he raised two people who are so inconsiderate that they would demand someone permanently give up their pet because it was vaguely inconvient for them every few weeks?

Post # 138
523 posts
Busy bee

Oh hell no. 

I would never give up my animal cat or dog for a man & neither should you…that’s crazy that he’s all of a sudden asking you to do this when he has known you had a cat since the beginning and besides that i think he’s just using this as an excuse not to move in! 

Post # 140
192 posts
Blushing bee

gomezandmorticia :  i figured it was a typo but just wanted to make sure. I don’t want OP to think that even a small percentage of people would be ok with leaving their pets behind. A pet is for life!

Post # 143
11646 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

jordan1234 :  What do you mean “if?” How long does it take for him to say he’s very sorry, that the cat will be coming with you no matter what, and that you will figure out the rest? 

Post # 144
169 posts
Blushing bee

jordan1234 :  Nope. The daughter will be visiting, what, a few times a month at MOST? Probably less? No way in hell would I be “getting rid of” a living creature at all, let alone because of someone may or may not visit occasionally. Unless her allergies are anaphylactic she can simply take an antihistimine and you can block your cat off in a different part of the house for the visit. That’s what I do when I visit friends who have cats, and it’s never a life altering issue for me. 

Post # 145
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

jordan1234 :  There is a saying that, you don’t really know someone until they don’t get what they want. Or until they hear the word NO. 

You are testing this theory. You said no to his crazy demand to leave your cat behind. How he handles this will tell you a huge amount about his character. 

Post # 146
214 posts
Helper bee

Good for you for staying firm and keeping your cat! I’m looking at my cat now as I write this, and the just the thought of giving him up is unbearable to me. He’s traveled across the country with me, and been with me through everything. When I moved in with my ex, he was allergic to cats, but he took zyrtec every day and just dealt with it.

Thankfully my current boyfriend is not allergic to cats – we don’t live together but he recently moved into a different apartment with the goal of me moving in with him, and he made sure it was pet friendly because he knows my cat and I come as a pair. Always.

Pets aren’t toys that can be discarded once they become a little inconvenient, and I would have a hard time being with a man who didn’t understand that. I saw a grave for a cat and the epitaph read, “He was only a cat, but he was human enough to be a great comfort in hours of loneliness and pain.” I think that’s very true.

Post # 147
1961 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I don’t mean to be so blur but your fiancé is letting you know that his children are more important than you and your cat, and now you have to make the decision who’s more important your cat or your fiancé.

Post # 148
44 posts
  • Wedding: June 2019

It says a lot about his priorities and ability to empathize if he thinks someone can part with a pet like that. Those are things that don’t change over time.

Post # 149
568 posts
Busy bee

weddingmaven :  THIS

jordan1234 :  You’re right Bee, when issues crop up we see how our partners handle things and it can be a test of the relationship. He told you to get rid of your cat like it was no big deal and did not consider your son’s feelings or yours. IMO he was already tested and failed.

I think deep down you know he’s failed you but are clutching at straws hoping he’ll prove himself to be a caring partner after all. Sorry but in my books he doesn’t get any brownie points for belatedly agreeing to a compromise after you give him an ultimatum. I would be uncomfortable moving my child or my pet into a home where they weren’t welcomed. Your fiance disregarded your son and his feelings in all of this and it seems he’s only grudgingly trying to compromise on your cat. 

I’m also concerned over the cat only being allowed in ‘certain parts’ of the home. I don’t care if it’s a large home, it could be Buckingham Palace, does this mean the cat will be shut away from his/ her family? How will your son feel about his beloved pet no longer allowed in the family areas? Pets form an attachment to us just as we form attachments to them, it’s not a happy life for a pet to be kept apart from his/her family. And what if you move in and then your fiance and/ or his daughters say that sequestering the cat and keeping the floors swept and washed isn’t enough? What if you’re asked to give up your cat after you and your son move in? I can totally picture a fiance like yours biding his time for a few months then saying ‘hey, we gave it a shot, now its your turn to compromise and rehome your cat’

Sorry Bee, I don’t like anything about this, including your update. 

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