Post # 1
Last night fiancé and I got into an argument about the size of my ring. I mentioned that he spent twice the amount on his laptop and he basically said that a rock does nothing for him. Im so upset with him right now it’s crossed my mind to call everything off. I dont want to sound like an ungrateful bitch but I really am disappointed. It sucks when friends and family ask to see your ring and all they say is ‘Ohhh… That’s nice’. But the biggest thing is that he doesn’t believe I deserve any better. The proposal and purchasing of the ring was done quickly and that’s just the type of person my fiancé is, he’s impatient, and so I’ve tried to understand that. But everything is really getting to me. Am I overreacting here?
Post # 3
Yes, you are most definitely overreacting. The main purpose of your engagement ring shouldn’t be to get shocked and awed reactions from family and friends. That’s incredibly shallow.
Post # 4
@missvyvy: I can see why you would be bothered, especially because it seems to stem from him not caring what is important to you, and valuing his opinion (and purchases!) above you. If the way he does things is really bothering you, it might just be that you two aren’t really compatible, and this ring issue is just bringing it to the surface.
Post # 5
@missvyvy: I’d be upset because he’s making it all about him “the ring does nothing for him”…well it should be about what you want and what both of you want together! Your FI should want you to be happy, but it sounds like in a way he’s not interested? Agreed with pp- maybe you are not compatible and the ring thing is bringing the differences to light? Best to get everything discussed and sorted out before getting married.
Post # 6
@missvyvy: I agree with jessicadarling – it seems like you are more upset about other issues. If you were just upset about a small diamond I would say that is a bit materialistic but since you seem to be concerned with the proposal and other aspects of your fiances personality, you need to deal with that. If you are willing to call everything off over this, it seems like there are bigger problems – have you talked calmly about it with him and explained why you are upset? Some people really are very practical about gifts and money and it doesn’t have anything to do with how much they care about you.
Post # 7
And that’s what is bothering me. I feel that if he loves me like he says he does he would want me to be happy and care about what I want. It’s not the money that matters but if he can spend double the amount on a laptop then i think I deserve just as much if not more.
Post # 8
@secretbee33: I do agree with some of what you’re saying. It’s just that my fiancé is not practical with money at all, he spends tons of parts for his cars and electronics so it’s a bit upsetting that he spent the minimum amount on a ring for me when I feel like that should be just as important. I know it may seem shallow but it isn’t the diamond that’s really getting to me. It’s that he doesn’t think I deserve more or really care.
Post # 9
@missvyvy: Why don’t you offer to help pay for an upgrade/bigger stone?
Post # 10
You want to call your relationship off because your ring is not big enough?
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle
My FI had a lot of input about my ring because he knows how it reflects to the eye of the public: it’s a declaration of his love for me, yes, but it’s also a socio-economic statement. As much as people hate to admit it, engagement rings are luxury items and many times are viewed as a status symbol. I can see why you are disappointed if he spends twice as much on a laptop than an engagement ring that you are to wear your entire lifetime. BUT, I agree with others in that it seems like the engagement ring is now the symbol of deeper issues you have in your relationship.
You are engaged. You will be married. If you do not work on your communication issues along with addressing other personality flaws you see in your FI then I think your marriage might start off on the wrong foot.
You need to sit down and really address all your issues and feelings… and don’t start the conversation with “my ring is too small.”
Post # 12
Um your ring will be around your finger longer than his laptop will be around. In 50 years that ring will be on your finger and his laptop will be in the Smithsonian.
I’d take a look at the way he looks at the other ways he treats you. Do your gifts ALWAYS benefit both of you or is it something without strings?
Post # 13
Are you upset that he’s insulting your current ring, or are you upset because he won’t buy you a bigger one? I’m confused.
Post # 14
i do think if its that important to you, you should upgrade your own ring. or have him get you a super nice wedding ring. most guys dont understand rings or earrings or necklaces. not my DH anyways. it took him 7 years to realize i just like shiny things in general. men dont. hmmm reading your last posts. ..you should tell him about wanting him to believe you deserve it. hes going to be your DH for .. well ever. so talk to him and tell him that. it isnt the fact that it does nothing for him, its that it does something for you and you want him to see that and actually care. but if you are thinking of leaving him over something like a little ring or a laptop. maybe you should marry him. mr right shouldnt make you think about leaving him right after you got engaged.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle
@souza_2005: +1, engagements should be the happiest, most exciting time… outside of newlywedded bliss (can’t wait!!).
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
I feel you.
I think you have just reasons for your dissatisfaction.
First, he got you something you don’t really like. Ok. No big deal, and that doesn’t really bother you.
However, he put ZERO thought into it. So, if it is the thought that counts, he soooooo failed. So, it’s not that he got you a ring you didn’t like, but rather he made it clear that he didn’t even desire to get you something YOU wanted. He got you something that was convenient for HIM. And if that ring is supposed to symbolize how much he cares for you, then that’s not much, is it?
He should be thinking about you when he makes that decision, not about himself.