(Closed) Fiancé thinks engage my ring is a waste..

• MadamPince
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: December 2014

• juliana192
• 7 years ago

However, it’s a pretty clear fact that he moved himself out of their house without even saying anything to her. So regardless of what happened leading up to that, I’m going to side with OP in this overall situation. Rather than cooling off and initiating a mature conversation with her about she made him feel, he just up and left. Honestly, SO would probably break up with me if I ever did that in response to any sort of argument! That shows so much immaturity and refusal to communicate, and that sort of behavior is completely unacceptable in my eyes.

• Schrodingers-Car
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: October 2009

• aliciaspinnet
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: July 2014

Its hard to come to a conclusion when we don’t know what truly went on, but I suspect both sides have acted badly to some extent. I think that it may be worth looking into counselling to get communication happening again. 

If I had to guess what’s happening, OP is upset because she feels like she’s not being prioritised by her Fiance, whereas her Fiance thinks she’s upset because her ring isn’t big enough. OP may not have expressed her true reasons for being upset and perhaps came across as a bit if a bitch. However Fiance acted like an asshat by throwing his toys out of the pram and moving out. I think if they are to move forward, both of them need to figure out the true motivation of the other person and both need to acknowledge their share of the blame. 

Edit:Oops ninja’ed by the OP. That’s a really big conclusion for your Fiance to jump to, that by looking at someone else’s ring, you were trying to make a thinly veiled jab about your own. Have you told him before that you’re not happy with the ring. If his comments came after a series of comments running down the ring, then it’s understandable that it could have been the straw that broke the camels back. If it came out of the blue then it’s just weird 

• MadamPince
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: December 2014

• msop04
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: March 2013

 I do so much for this man. I could care less about cars but here I am working  overtime and trying to save so that we can purchase the car of his dreams. So  all I wanted was for him to care about the things I care about even if something  like jewelry may seem like a waste to him.

It says a lot that you love him so much that you want him to have the car because it makes him happy… but why are you doing all this for him when he clearly doesn’t care to try to make you happy?  This relationship seems one-sided, but you both share the fault.  

Unless you want a lifetime of this type of behavior, you guys need to have a serious, calm, respectful conversation about this issue (not the ring, but the lack of respect and understanding for your wants/needs).  Why don’t you explain to him that you feel about the ring the way he feels about his car/computer/whatever?  If you were to pick out a huge diamond eternity wedding band for him because his choice of a plain band “didn’t do it for you” he’d most likely be ticked off and I can about guarantee he wouldn’t like it,  much less want to wear it. 

If your FH is unable to have a rational conversation with you, then he is definitely not ready for a commitment as serious as marriage right now.  He will continue to treat you exactly how you give him permission to treat you.  Relationships work both ways. 

• babytoes
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: April 2018

OP, you did yourself a disservice by begging him back into your home.  You sound so sweet and caring; you deserve someone who will treat you the same way in a relationship, not someone who’s as selfish as your Fiance.

• BridalBeckyBee
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: May 2014

How much was his laptop?

• jcent
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: February 2009

• glue_stick
• 7 years ago

• CakeyP
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: March 2014

The second a guy who claims he wants to spend the rest of his life with me moves out of our home over an argment about a ring, I’d be done.
That is so incredibly disrespectful.
I wouldn’t beg him to come home, I’d change the lock and tell him not to bother coming back – I don’t play those kinds of games.

And I know OP said she never mentioned to him that she isn’t satisfied with her ring (at least before) but she does say that she IS unsatisfied, I have little doubt that it came across in her reactions, small comments about things (even not ring-related, like the laptop thing) and expressions. I’m sure he knew a long time ago.
I get it – that hurts, but his (and her!) lashing out is not the way to deal with it.

I think some personal and couple’s counseling would be a good idea if you can’t bear to live without this kind of “man,” but quite frankly I’d reccomend breaking up and keeping it that way.

• Emjai101
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: October 2014

missvyvy An engagement ring is a symbol of his love, just because he didn’t spend thousands on it is not a good enough excuse to call your engagement off.  

I am always sad when i read posts like this, be grateful he proposed to you and got you a ring in the first place.  For some people getting engaged is just all about the ring, which is really shallow.  Are you marrying him because you want to spend the rest of your life with him?  or just because you get to wear a ring on your finger?