(Closed) Fiancé thinks engage my ring is a waste..

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 152
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Moving out with out saying anything? Passive aggressively saying oh nbd were still together I just casually moved out?!?

I’d give him that stupid ring back and be relieved I dodged a bullet.

Post # 153
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@missvyvy:  i would make him buy me a car if the ring is just deadweight to him, paid in full and in my name on the pink slip. 😛

Post # 154
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

hey girls, put it this way…Alienware  is to gaming laptops as Tiffany &  co. is to jewelry.  

Also,  these laptops can run $5000 plus, especially customized.  To me, this shows he thinks he’s worth the best of what’s out there, but not her.  Not that he’d have to buy Tiffany, but his ring purchasing process sounds very careless when compared to a luxury item he bought himself.  And yes, I would say Alienware is a luxury, it is designed specifically for gaming.

 

Post # 155
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@jcent:  I am glad I am not alone in seeing this, but not happy that we do see it 🙁  

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@squishee:  Yep, that is exactly what AlienWare is. It doesn’t sound like he needs it for work unless he is a game developer, or something of the sort. 

Post # 156
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@Emjai101:  I must say that these posts about being grateful that you got any ring, and that a man to want to marry you are starting to get to me. No, it is NOT all about the ring, but that ring represents a lot of thought put into/not put into the process. You want a man who values you, and true intention to make you happy goes into that, within budget constraints. There is being an ingrate, and then there is not being valued and respected.  

Post # 157
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@LeonardLady:  I agree with your suggestion.    I never got an engagement ring because I asked my hubby to marry me.  After being married for almost 3 years we are going in together to get an “e-ring”. 

Post # 159
Member
2049 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@missvyvy:  I’m sorry he left…and I’m sorry he is back.  OP you can do better.  I feel from reading your updates and original post that there is a lack of communication or you may have already made you Fiance feel bad in passing about your ring (not saying you did but is it possible?).  I know if I showed my husband a ring of a friend who got engaged with a ring larger than mine, his reaction wouldn’t be “OMG IM SO SORRY I DIDNT GET YOU A BIGGER BETTER MORE EXPENSIVE RING!!”  My husband spends money on Xbox games and comic books or whatever.  But once we got married our money became OUR money so whatever he spent money on or what I spent money on was always discussed.  I don’t feel that would happen if you were to marry this man. 

 

Post # 160
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

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@heathuhhhhwebbbb:  I totally agree with you on this.  I think this guy would always put his needs ahead of hers down the line when it comes to other purchases.  It really is NOT about the money, it is about the difference in the way he does purchases for himself vs. her.  If you are frugal about spending you are frugal both ways. 

Granted, we only know this guy buys the HIGHEST END GAMING PC out there, and lots of car parts, but it just feels like this would extend to things in the future like their cars, and other household items, etc.

I posted earlier in this thread about my eerily similar experience with this type of guy – whom I married and ended up divorcing.  My ring situation was the same, expcept I never spoke up.

I actually wish this guy did not come back at all.  ugh.

Post # 161
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@Schrodingers-Car:  “it sucks when friends and family ask to see your ring and all they say is ‘Ohhh… That’s nice’

Is that not an ingrate comment???

You may well be sick of reading comments that say “be grateful he got you a ring” or “be grateful he wants to marry you” just as you are sick of reading those posts, I am sick of reading “I hate my engagement ring” or “He didnt spend enough so now I am going to leave him”.

I guess I just got brought up to be grateful for what is given to me…. I wouldnt care if I got engaged with a $20 ebay ring, I am with my partner because I love him and can’t imagine my life without him, no matter what ring he chose for me I would still love it regardless on whether he could afford to spend more or not.

Post # 162
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

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@Emjai101:  What does your engagement ring look like? Are you happy with it?  I ask because unless you’ve actually BEEN through this type of situation you wouldn’t really know how it feels.

This OPs story resonates with me mainly because my relationship with ex was scarily similar to hers.  My exH spent and prioritized in the same way.  I even had the exact same ring as OP.  The outcome was not good.  I may be applying my own situation a bit too much, but I think it’s worth considering.   I guess I see this as OPs chance to do what I did not because I was too busy beating myself up for being “materialistic” and “shallow”.  I should have been paying attention to some of the other flags that were flying as well. 

 

Post # 163
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@squishee:  No engagement ring yet, but coming very soon (I found the ring box in his drawer) but regardless of what it is I know I will love it because he chose it for me.

Post # 164
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you asked for a new laptop for Christmas/birthday or something, would he happily buy you a laptop just as good as his? I am trying to figure out if he is a guy who buys nice things for just himself, or a guy who thinks it makes more sense to pay top dollar for electronics rather than jewelry. 

 

If you asked him to get you a nice laptop, rather than an upgraded ring, and he spent the money without any fuss, would YOU be just as happy to know that he is glad to spend equally for you, or would you still be disappointed that you didn’t have an expensive ring?

 

I don’t know that there is a wrong or right way to feel, but perhaps thinking about this could clarify whether the problem is a different attitude towards jewelry or a different attitude toward generosity.

Edit: Reading more of the comments — I’m not sure why you’d need an Alienware laptop, but still. Same principle. You could always get into gaming, right?

Post # 165
Member
2049 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think there will always be bees who have one of two opinions: 1. They will love the ring (even it is isn’t their taste/size/color/etc.) simply because their Fiance picked it out for them and there is a lot of sentimental value behind it (understandable), or 2. They will talk to their Fiance about changing the ring because it isn’t their taste/size/color/etc. and either their Fiance will be fine with it because they want their future wife to be happy or it will hurt their feelings.

Not everyone has the same relationship.  Not everyone COULD go to their Fiance and say they don’t like their ring because of the sentimental value behind it or because their Fiance might get his feelings hurt and his feelings are more important than the ring itself.

OP went to her Fiance with a photo of a friend’s engagement ring and Fiance exploded on her.  I think that in itself has underlying issues, maybe her initial reaction at the ring was less than enthusitic or whatever.  Then her Fiance moved out and moved back in and is being passive agressive. 

OP I think you need to leave if you can.  Find somewhere to stay where you can think about your relationship.  Finances are one major issue that married couples fight over and you guys seem to be fighting about it not too soon into an engagement.

Post # 166
Member
4251 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

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@Schrodingers-Car:  me either.  🙁

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