(Closed) Fiancé thinks engage my ring is a waste..

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 168
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@Emjai101:  I understand that; it is the thought behind the ring that counts. He should value you as much as he does himself. I am not saying people should demand rings that cannot be afforded, or should say no to the proposal. I had no ring during my engagement.  He should care enough to want to make you happy. Also, just being grateful any man wants to marry you can have consequences.  

Post # 170
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@Schrodingers-Car:  I have been with my partner for 14 years, and YES I am grateful that after 14 years together yes he has decided he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.  

All I am saying is with sites such as this where there are a million females all waiting and wanting to get engaged a males perspective is overlooked, everyone goes in for the kill against the male, the few males that have commented from their point of view on this issue have been told to go to a males forum or to basically not comment, it is all one sided.  

A majority of people are siding with the original poster basically telling her she is right to expect more, he is selfish, leave this man, how dare he spend his own hard earned money on himself and not on a ring for you, when they don’t even know this man.  

Put yourself in his shoes, he proposes, she says she is disappointed with the ring, then shows a picture of the ring her friend received, turn it around, if you brought someone a ring as a symbol of your love and commitment to them and they did that to you, how would you feel.  Angry, annoyed and ashamed, If I carried on like that I would expect my partner to walk out too.  

Post # 171
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@Emjai101:  Did you read ALL the OP’s updates?

 

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@squishee:  I have an ex that was like this as well. It ended up being the pervasive theme of our life together….”Whatever he wanted to have/do was the only important thing”…and he couldn’t care less about his wife or children.

He bought himself a laptop too…and bounced out mortgage payment! He wanted to spend thousands on his car and it was HIS money so he did. He wanted nice new clothes while I didn’t get anything new for years and the kids were wearing hand-me-downs. I had a horse of my own BEFORE we got married (and horses were my CAREER!) and all he did after the wedding until the divorce was complain that I wasted money on it.

I’m so sad that he’s back, OP.

Post # 172
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Oh and to all those that say this is hypocritical…

My DH and I moved in together just before getting engaged (but with those intentions)…at that point it became OUR money. But even without saying that, what did I get him when we got engaged? I paid off his motorcycle and paid for the house for a year and a half because he got laid off…because THAT IS WHAT COUPLES DO! They look after EACH OTHER…not just their own interests.

OP…take the money that you are saving for HIS car and find yourself your own place!

Post # 173
Member
421 posts
Helper bee

I was once engaged before (same guy) but we were much much younger. He didn’t take anything serious he didn’t want to spend much on my engagement ring. He bought himself a nice car though. The ring was pretty but wasn’t real, my frustrations had nothing to do with the engagement ring itself. He didn’t seem to care or even take the effort to care about the engagement. I ended up breaking off the so called “engagement” and later we broke up

 

Before he proposed this time we actually went into a jewelry store, I was thinking it would be earrings or braclet. We went a checked out rings i was soo suprised at how much he knew, i could tell he had been doing his homework ( i was very impressed) This time around he picked out the ring (by himself) and we had a very intimate proposal. He did an awesome job with everything by himself.

 

I know how you feel though it’s not about the ring..It’s about how he is going about it as if he doesn’t care much..Im sorry you have to go through that 

 

Post # 174
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

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@Luayne:  Sounds like we had very similar situations!  And truthfully we don’t KNOW that this guy is like what we’ve experienced.  But we see similarities in the limited information from the OP, and really, IF the guy is the same type we’ve experienced, the OP would be lucky to have seen it up front during this ring blow-out and avoid the guy altogether.

The posters defending the guy could also be right, if this ring/laptop thing is an isolated occurrence.  Only the OP knows for sure the whole pattern of behavior.  I just think calling the OP selfish etc. isn’t doing any good because she’s probably doing that to herself already…I would just like the OP to really think about how this guy is over all, and not shame herself into marrying him because after all, at least he proposed and bought her a ring.

 

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