(Closed) Fiancé thinks engage my ring is a waste..

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 77
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@missvyvy:  Oh my. I’m so sorry OP.

Post # 78
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@missvyvy:  it’s clear that he doesn’t truly love you Op, he is selfish and thinks of himself, and the moment you exhibited any self worth or protested against his attitude, he left you. You should be happy. You’ve dodged a bullet I say. You’ll soon realise that you deserve better. You’ll meet a man who buys you not only the ring you want but one that exceeds your expectations. Things will be okay, you’ll see 🙂 you deserve so much better. 

Post # 79
Member
4251 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

If he can afford what you want, and it sounds like he can, then he should. And not because I think everyone “deserves” a big rock.  I think that if something is important to you and it makes you feel happy and wonderful, then that should be a prioroty.  Period.  As long as no one is getting into debt, your wishes should be taken into account. Let’s not forget, he should be “winning your hand” in marriage.  It is not a done deal because he wishes it to be so.  By not taking your feelings into account he is showing exactly what kind of husband he will be.  So he needs to think about that… and so do you.

Post # 80
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@missvyvy:  HUGSSSSSS I’m so sorry. PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT SAY “I deserve this.” Well, I guess in a way you do deserve it. However, I think the “this” you deserve is a man who loves and cares about you, someone who is NOT a selfish asshole. 

I hate to say it, but I think you are much better without him. I understand you obviously don’t feel this way right now, and I don’t know if there is anything I can possiblly say to make you feel better. I just want to say, usually, it’s both parties at fault. However, in your case, IT IS HIS FAULT.

 

Post # 81
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am so sorry! What the heck happened? (((HUGS)))

Post # 82
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

“The ring does nothing for him” – Your Fiance sounds like a reasonable man OP. I think your desire to have a big rock to show off is more troublesome than his practical view on finances.

Post # 83
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

Oh gosh, you poor thing. I hope you are okay. 

Seriously, this is not your fault at all! I can’t believe some of the comments on here. At the end of the day, you deserve someone that will never say “your rock does nothing for me”. That is NOT exhibiting care or happiness for your partner. He obviously went straight out and bought what he thought you wanted, but mostly what he wanted because of the price, and now he’s just done what he wanted too! Oh honey. Wow. It sounds like this guy has big commitment issues – if he didn’t then he would have found out the kind of ring you dream for and tried to get it for you, or talked to you about why he can’t – and he most certainly would have talked to you before deciding to walk out!

This says a lot of immaturity to me, but I don’t know the full story though. Guys do get extremely offensive and I can imagine he did when you expressed your concern about the ring that you have – but to say the things he did, which you cannot take back, and then pack up and leave? I think you shouldn’t go through a wedding and a life with this person, it doesn’t sound like you are on the same page 

Post # 84
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@Claire324:  +1. It’s not about the size; it’s that you would be so grateful if it was all the money he saved for it and so much thought that the size may not be impressive but it could have had a romance and significance you could defend and be proud showing off.  if he had wanted to buy u a ring at all! He doesn’t want to make you happy he does the bare minimum so you can’t say anything without sounding wrong. It’s manipulative and childish. 

 

Post # 85
Member
9212 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Claire324:  But the same thing could be said for the OP. She is not showing caring or happiness for the ring that her Fiance chose for her. Crying that your ring isn’t good enough or big enough for you instead of being happy that you are engaged screams immaturity to me.

Post # 86
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@otto2008:  

First, I’m aware that the diamond thing is a trend that was set by the jewelry industry.  Not only that, but a family that has the majority control over that one very abundant stone.  

Second, I’m also aware that women do care about their ring.  Why wouldn’t they, theoretically they will be wearing it for the rest of their life.  Hopefully.  That is the goal anyway.  

Third, one would hope that their guy put enough thought into it to get a ring that he at least hoped the woman he purchased the dang thing for would actually like it.  

Finally, I’m pretty sure the lack of sentiment this rings represents to her in light of his actions and words are what upset her.  Its possible.  


I’d suggest you go harass women somewhere else.  

Post # 88
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

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@missvyvy:  He is just plain not ready to get married yet from the sounds of it.

Post # 89
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@missvyvy:  He is manipulating and trying to guilt trip you into thinking it’s all your fault. He is making you miserable. This behavior scares me. What is he gonna do when you are married? Move out when you have a fight? What if you have a kid? OMG that would just be even more awful. 

You are not greedy nor materialistic, and this whole thing was NOT YOUR FAULT at all. 

I think if that ring is all he can afford, you’d be more than happy to wear it and be proud. However, you are hurt because he can buy you something much much nicer, but he chose to be cheap and ignore your feelings. OFC the ring does nothing for him, it’s your ring. 

You know what’s gonna happen to his nice computer in 2 years? You can buy the same one for half the price. After 5 years, oops, time for a new one! However, the ring, you can wear it for life. 

Post # 90
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@missvyvy:  I’m sorry you came home to this. You don’t deserve it.

Post # 91
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2006

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@missvyvy:  I read this thread and you shouldn’t blame yourself for any of this.

This whole thing about the ring in this case represents bigger issues in my view. Even if the ring is not as important to him as it is to you, the importance of it for you should have been recognised by him. The fact that he just upped sticks instead of talking through the issues speaks volumes. Either he is just not serious at all about any kind of commitment, or it is just an attempt to scare you and shock you with being abandoned. It is very difficult to say what his intentions are at this point , but in any case, I think  you should just take a step back and try and look after yourself at this point and  sending you hugs…Pps are right, you didn’t deserve any of this..

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