(Closed) Fiancé thinks engage my ring is a waste..

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 122
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@j_jaye:  Either you simply can’t grasp the concept of what this thread is truly about, or you just want to be argumentative.  Either way, I would appreciate it if you didn’t address me directly, and I will give you the same courtesy. 

OP, i’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I know you must feel really hurt and have conflicting feelings.  Regardless of what is said by anyone on this form, you are the only one who truly knows what is best for you.  I’ll be thinking of you. Good luck. Stay strong. Take care of yourself first.

Post # 123
Member
434 posts
Helper bee

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@j_jaye:  Did you see that her Fiance moved out without saying anything? Sure, OP might not have gone about expressing her feelings the right way, but moving out of a house after you just proposed is 100% more immature and selfish and ridiculous than being unhappy about him not spending enough. 

Post # 124
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@missvyvy:  I think this goes both ways:  if he had thoughfully chosen a ring for you, and it happened to be small, I’d say you’re over-reacting and are very ungrateful.

But is this case, I think I might be upset that he has the funds, but just doesn’t see me “important” enough to spend some money on.  I’m not a big jewelry fan, and I prefer a smaller ring.  That said, I know my husband would have made sure I had the ring I wanted (within reason/finances pending) because he would want me to be happy.

Post # 125
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This might be a very good time to evaluate what you want in a man.  You obviously love him, but are very annoyed with him and some of his traits. However it’s these traits that bother you, that are kind of deal breakers.  Sure, you might be happy in moments, but can you be happy with him over the long haul?

 

He walks out when things get tough or you have a few arguements without any intention to work them out or understand each other’s feelings.  You were engaged, not on a 3rd date.

You mention that he’s careless with money and buys whatever he wants for himself.  Are you a saver?  Do you feel like he wants to show you off to his friends as much as he wants to show off the other stuff he owns?  

You’re obviously feeling neglected and I think it’s much more than the $ of the ring. I get it.  If my husband decided on the equivilant of going to Walmart one day and picked up an ER on the whim and proposed while we were going over to the KFC, I’d be pissed.  People here can call me selfish but I expect someone to have the practicality of thinking long and hard over something as engagements and not make it seem like it’s “just another day/moment.”  Some people might be ok with that, but I think a couple should have a general understanding of each others expectations and be willing to either accomidate or talk them through if they think something is unreasonable.  You two are obviously on completely different pages and it’s dangerous to figure the big things out after you’re already married.

Post # 126
Member
9207 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@juliana192:  Yes I saw that and I think it was a pretty justified action given that to him it probably seemed that the ring and not the proposal was the most important thing to the OP. I think he realised that he didn’t want to continue a relationship with someone he thought cared more about an item/thing than the meaning behind it. If this was a women everyone would be telling her she did the right thing moving out when her partner put themselves and their feelings first which is exactly what the Op did. She didn’t stop for one minute to think about what her reaction, which was childish and bratish, would mean to her partner who just proposed to her.

Post # 127
Member
434 posts
Helper bee

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@j_jaye:  But he’s continuing the relationship. He “just moved out”. Which makes no sense to me, and it seems like an immature reaction so that he doesn’t have to have a real conversation with her about it. 

Also, it would be immature to break up with someone by moving out without telling them. That is a total mark of disrespect for your partner if you can’t even sit down and have a mature conversation to end the relationship.

Post # 129
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@missvyvy:  glad to hear he’s back and you guys have another chance to talk and work things out. Good luck!

Post # 130
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Some men just don’t give a crap about rings. I’d say a lot of them.  Mine cost the same as a months rent. Seems fine to me. If you just got the ring, then let it grow on you. He might be having some money issues, or tired of hearing you talk about rings. Take a break from it for awhile and bring it up.

Post # 131
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

 

 

1.  She did state the size and a discription of the ring.  

 

2.  Her self worth was clearly affected by this.  Coming to her thread that she created for support then putting her down and further erroding her and her emotional state.  Yes, I do think that is.  

 

3.  Again, I clearly stated that I don’t think it is about the size but the lack of some stone, but in the lack of thought when making this choice.  

 

4.  Yes, there probably is more to this than we will get here, it is the interenet.  

 

 

 

Post # 132
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@j_jaye:  If I had given my DH a hot pink diamond eternity band to wear the rest of his life because plain bands don’t do it for me, Damn straight he’d complain, and rightly so, because I did NOT get him what HE liked; I would have gotten him MY preference only. The thought counts. 

What OP’s man did is equivalent to if she had gottem him a Chromebook that can be the only computer he can use. 

Post # 133
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@missvyvy:  *Hugs*  Be careful with this one. The ones who take 0% of the blame are scary. This tends to grow throughout your lives together, until he believes he can do no wrong, and that you are always wrong. I may really be jumping the gun here, but please look up Narcissistic Personalities. I hope I am waaay off base. 

 

Post # 134
Member
9207 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Schrodingers-Car:  There is a big difference (as I have already stated)  between calmly discussing like an adult how the ring might not be the right one for you and what the OP did. Just because someone gifts you something you don;t like does not give you the right to act like the OP did. 

Post # 135
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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@j_jaye:  (And everyone arguing with j_jaye)

The problem is that we don’t actually know how the OP originally brought it up. If it was introduced as a rational conversation but devolved into a petty fight about the size of the ring, then the OP’s Fiance is probably the jerk in that situation for ignoring her point of view. So I see why people are comforting her and taking up for her. She says the issue is with lack of thoughtfulness and there’s no real reason not to take her word for it.

BUT the OP says “Last night fiancé and I got into an argument about the size of my ring” and then goes on to discuss the amount spent on the ring. So I definiely see where j_jaye is getting that the OP probably seriously offended her Fiance. If I went after my Fiance with “This ring is too small! You did spend enough! You spent $$$$ on your bike and only xxxx on my ring!” you’re dern tootin he would be offended! He would probably say mean stuff about me and my ring if he felt like I was attacking him over a gift that he got for me.

Post # 136
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@j_jaye:  

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@Nostawyn:  

I agree that if it was brought up by OP in an ugly manner, then her Fiance had a right to be cross.  I do think he should not have pulled up stakes, though.  There is so much we do not know here, and I have a feeling about their relationship, but I guess most of us could say that in one way or another.  I do wish we had more details. One of my guesses is that perhaps he had been putting  himself first quite a bit lately, and this was the last straw, and she told him in a less than tactful manner. I am not sure. 

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