Fiance unhappy with having a wedding

posted 4 days ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

jay6127 :  I get not wanting the traditional wedding, I didn’t either so we didn’t have one but I had to compromise with my husband. He has more family/friends, felt they needed to witness our marriage, I wanted to elope, we found a middle ground that we were both happy with… Your fiances attitude towards this is disturbing. Men arent always interested in being a part of all of the planning but the fact that hes DREADING his own wedding is super concerning. 

Personally, I would not marry someone who acted this way, it just seems like there’s something deeper going on rather than simply preferring to go to the courthouse…

Post # 3
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

 

If my fiance told me he didn’t want to buy a ring or have a wedding I’d question if he really wanted to be married. I know that’s harsh, but it would weigh heavily on my mind. 

The fact that he gets mopey when people ask about it is really concerning to me. I can’t imagine how awful that would feel as his S.O. 

I think you need to get to the root of the reason he doesn’t want a wedding and attempt to really understand it. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

My fiancé wanted a wedding, I didn’t. I sucked it up and am planning it. Compromise is critical in a relationship and you seem to be the only one compromising. 

I wouldn’t marry someone who acts like a spoilt brat when they don’t get their way. 

Post # 5
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I have to agree with the other Bees, I think he’s behavior is a bit OTT.

I mean, we did a lot of stuff, because I fancied them, he would have been totally fine with not having them and I would say I did most of the work during the planning process, but, nevertheless, he was always at all the meetings with our wedding planner, when we went to see the venue, when we went to pay etc.

Do you think it is really about the reasons he gave you? Was he always so negative about weddings? Do his friends have more insight on this? Is he afraid of being the center of attention?

Post # 6
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Are you sure he really wants to marry you?

Post # 7
Member
37 posts
Newbee

jay6127 :  Does he have abusive family members he’s worried about being there, debilitating social anxiety, or something similar? I could see those factors making someone dread their wedding (and I wouldn’t tell someone just to suck it up if they were at play). This seems like a pretty extreme aversion and I’d really want to know what was causing it before I got married to this guy. My own partner is wedding-averse but with a lot of talking we’ve been able to figure out what causes it, which causes we can remove (not having certain family members there, not following most traditions, most likely eloping honestly) and which causes he needs to work through (likely with the help of a therapist). 

Post # 10
Member
585 posts
Busy bee

jay6127 :  What about a private ceremony with only immediate family and a few close friends followed by a larger reception?

Post # 14
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

So with your updates it sounds like he wants to marry you, I can understand your fiancé a bit more since it appears he had some issues with family. That’s part of why I didn’t want a big wedding, my fathers dead and I am not close at all with anyone in my family apart from my mom and sister. My husband is close with all of his extended family, it was intimidating.

it sounds like you’ve compromised and so has he, with a courthouse  wedding and celebration after? That’s what we did as well.

try and think about where he’s coming from, if he’s willing to go down to the courthouse and marry you in an instant (assuming he means that )but doesn’t want the whole shebang I would try to cut him some slack.

jay6127 :  

Post # 15
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Something about your answers made me think that maybe he’s afraid of being disappointed by people not showing up, not liking it, being embarrassed or say something bad about the wedding. If that’s the case, it would be logical to not wanting to be engaged in the process, because if you don’t invest anything and totally detach yourself from the planning, you can’t get disappointed. Does that make any sense?

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