(Closed) FIance upset about me inviting my Friend- what do I do?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

If you want her there, then invite her.

Post # 4
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sorry your Fiance and friend don’t get along. It sounds like your Fiance needs to handle this better. Your friend is willing to call a truce and I’m sure you could sit her as far away from the ahead table if your Fiance would like but it’s not fair to say that you can’t invite her. He needs to get over it, he doesn’t have to talk to her or be by her but it’s not right to sulk around and make you feel bad about it.

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

He won’t even know she is there, this shouldn’t matter. The time you guys will spend talking to people not in your bridal party or at your dinner table is so small, we felt like we really didn’t get to connect with anyone on a significant level. He should just get over it.

Post # 6
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

He shouldn’t make you feel like you have to choose between him and her, I’m sorry.  I would still invite my close friend.  She sounds like she’s willing to compromise, so tell her about this crap and maybe she’ll just stay the heck away from him at the wedding.  I hope for your sake he can come around eventually and be civil with her. 

Post # 7
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I understand not wanting someone there because it’ll “ruin” the day.  For my wedding, there were two people that fell into this category: my boss and my husband’s high school friend.  My boss I chose not to invite because no one else cared, but my husband invited his friend.

This guy doesn’t bring out the worst in me, but a couple of years ago, he got really drunk and wouldn’t stop hitting on me.  My husband didn’t seem to think this was a big deal so all I got from the guy was an apology and now he still creaps me out.

Anyway, he came to our wedding, but with all the excitement, I saw him for maybe a moment or two and that was it.  I was able to ignore my ill feelings and it didn’t ruin my day at all.  So…I think it’ll be fine if she’s there.  He probably won’t even notice.

Post # 8
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

This happened to my parents. My mom had a good friend that my Dad didn’t like, and he asked her not to invite her to their wedding. So, my mom didn’t and it ruined their friendship. My mother never got over and brought it up multiple times when I was growing up! I’ve heard the story a thousand times…

I think that unless there is some specific reason your fiance doesn’t want your friend there (like michelle86’s reason, for instance, she hit on him), I’d invite her anyways. I think your fiance needs to grow up a little bit here, and compromise on this since clearly its important to you and he TOLD YOU that she could be invited. It’s really juvenile to say that, but go on sulking about it. I agree with everyone else, he won’t even know that she’s there. Definitely discuss it with him, and if he knows how strongly you feel about having this person there, he should come around. 

Post # 9
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I know I am being contrary here but let’s turn the tables around. What if the situation was different?What if your fiance had a friend that you didn’t like and insisted on still inviting him? You may say that you wouldn’t mind but considering that there is some past drama would you really? It’s his wedding day too and if he feels uncomfortable about the friend, that should be taken into consideration. I am not saying to shut the friend out entirely but perhaps the drama between them really hurt him.

Post # 10
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@casteel_dream: I second that.  I am sorry about the situation, but I think you may have to talk to your friend and explain that it will make him uncomfortable.  You may ask her to do other things with you like dress shopping or hen party.

Post # 11
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I was in the situation where I really detested my friend’s (BM) husband – and my Fiance (now H) loathes him, as do some of our other friends. He has been known to get very drunk, make cutting and accidentally insulting comments and even brawl with bouncers on occasion. I talked to my friend and I thought we had agreed he would be officially inivted but she would discreetly arrange not to bring him under some other ploy. I addressed the invite to her as I thought it would prevent her getting in trouble and make it easier for her to keep to our arrangement. However, by the time the wedding came, she had conveniently ‘forgotten’ our arrangement and kicked up a huge fuss in front of her parents about this situation, so I had to field angry phone calls from both her and her father (who was also invited to the wedding). In the end I agreed he would be invited and she could bring him to the wedding if he wanted to come. In the end he couldn’t come because of work committments anyway, but it was awkward seeing her parents (who had witnessed the whole drama and were upset too) and even her, as she now knows how much I dislike her husband. Looking back I probably wouldn’t have noticed him there anyway (I barely got to speak to all the people I really cared about and made an effort to speak to) and I am not sure our friendship will survive this one way or another. So I say invite her, and seat her far away from your FI!

Post # 12
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You have to hash it out with Fiance but if he really doesn’t want her there…uhmm, who is more important? Her or your (almost) Husband?

 

You can’t just disregard his feelings and invite her anyway. You can try to get him to see it from your point of view. That’s your friend…he doesn’t really need to interact with her because it’ll be so much going on. But if he stands firm about not wanting her there, you should respect his position.

Post # 13
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you should tell him that you guys will be busy greeting all the guests and that he will most likely not see her for longer than a hello. Tell him that you have already invited her with his permission and there is nothing you can do about it now. HE needs to let it go because you two will be busy and need to relax and enjoy the wedding. 

There were a few people (family) that i didn’t not want to have at the wedding but my mother insisted on inviting. I hardly saw them! I said hello, moved on to more guests or dancing 😉

Post # 14
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly – I think your Fiance needs to grow up a little bit.  He told you that you could invite her and now he’s sulking around the house because you did??  That’s not immature or anything.  Plus, she’s willing to call a truce on their past and he continues to hold grudges about it.

I disagree with the PPs who say that you should consider who is more important, your Fiance or your friend.  You shouldn’t have to cut people who are close to you from your life and your most important celebrations just because someone else close to you doesn’t get along with them.  Having already had my wedding I can truthfully tell you that he won’t even notice that she’s there.  Continue to invite her – you should be able to have your close friends at your wedding just like your Fiance should.

Post # 15
Member
14418 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree that he needs to grow up and stop holding this grudge.  I don’t understand how your friend can ‘bring out the worse’ in him.  Temper?  Behavior?  How and why does she effect him so much??  What does he not like about her?  It’s hard to see if he’s justified without knowing.  Even so, the fact that he’s not willing to compromise or work on it even though her friendship means that much to you is a little disturbing.

Post # 16
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

#1) The FI is not a bad person because he doesn’t like her friend.  People are allowed to have their own opinions.  He shouldn’t have to pretend to like the friend just because his Future Wife does.

#2) Weddings are for the Bride and the Groom not just the Bride.  Both should be happy and excited about their special day.  If the thought of the Bride’s friend attending makes him feel like the happiness of the day will be diminished then this should be taken seriously and talked through.  In the other post, the Bride mentioned that her friend is loud and obnoxious and has gotten on her FI’s nerves in the past.  She also mentioned that it would be hard for this person to go unnoticed at the wedding because she is so loud and obnoxious.  It sounds like the Groom has a legitimate reason to be concerned.

#3) It’s not about choosing between the Fiance or the friend but it is about the Wedding Day and who is more important on that day?  You’re not going to have a wedding with the Bride and her friend.  The wedding day is about the Bride and the Groom and both should feel comfortable and be excited about their special moment.

I would talk to the friend and explain the situation to her and get her response.  A true friend would agree to tone it down at the wedding and stay in the background.  If she refuses then it’s not worth inviting her to the wedding.

I tried to see this from my perspective if my Fiance had a friend that I did not get along with.  I would hope that he would consider my feelings (and not just his friend’s) on our wedding day.

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