(Closed) FIance upset about me inviting my Friend- what do I do?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would just tell him that he doesn’t have to go to her table when you are mingling with the guests, and if she gets near him on the dance floor he can just walk away. There’s a good chance he won’t have to say a word to her, and he won’t even notice her.

It’s obviously important to you to invite her so I would stick with that. I’m not a big fan of one of my hubby’s friends, but she was there to celebrate with us b/c she’s my hubby’s good friend, he was happy, and I had so many other people there to keep me busy that it didn’t bother me at all.

Post # 18
2298 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with FutureKMM…I think he is being immature. Unless she did something truly, truly awful to him, he is overreacting. He won’t even know she’s there. Honestly, the fact that he’s moping about this now and saying he isn’t even looking forward to the Big Day because she might there is extremely melodramatic, in my opinion. The fact that he is pouting about this and may continue until April seems very emotionally manipulative…he’s not going to tell you not to invite her, but he’ll just be so unpleasant you’ll decide on your own not to include her, or to uninvite her, so he gets his way without actually demanding she not be invited. Very immature and extremely passive aggressive.

Post # 19
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This is hard but realize that if you have more than 50 people it’ll be so busy that if you choose not to you don’t have to speak to some people!  I really think that if it is important to you he should try and drop the grudge a little.  For you.  Once you’re married compromises like this are endless and what better time to start than the wedding!  Since you’ve already sent the save the dates – he just has to buck up and get over it.  It’s to late.  Hopefully they won’t be able to make it.  You have to be adults about this and whining about having someone you don’t like at your party is very childish.  This is about the both of you so you each have equal say.

Post # 20
5656 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Try flipping this around and putting yourself in his shoes for a second.

If your Fiance had a friend that really annoyed or angered you whenever they were near and you really felt that this person would put a damper on your whole day, would you just be okay with having them there on your wedding day, one of the most important days of your life?

If your answer is no, I think you should sympathize with him a little bit more. This day is really important to him, he has been looking forward to it for a long time and he wants it to be awesome. This is his day too, afterall.

On the other hand, I feel like it is a little irrational to let one person ruin your entire wedding day just by attending it. The only way her attendance is actually going to ruin the day is if he continues to make this much of a fuss over it.

Post # 21
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’ll be interesting to see where all these “FI’s opinion doesn’t matter as much as mine because *I* want my friend there so he needs to get over it” people will be in the future.

@Future MrsM – I’m with you 100%. Its NOT just about the bride contrary to popular belief. Its almost irrelevant what the specifics are — some people just do not get along. And if she irks him to that point, then it is what it is. The friend doesn’t get to dictate his feelings. She’s called a “truce”? So what. How do we know that she hasn’t been a complete a$$ to the point that her so-called truce doesn’t matter to him?

I’m 31, there’s a friend –very close– that I’ve known since I was 12. Fiance does NOT like said friend. It was a non-issue. I had to explain to friend why they weren’t invited. Now, this may put a rift in the friendship (though it shouldn’t). Marriage is about the two getting married. If you aren’t willing to put your spouse’s interest above your own sometimes; Goodluck.

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