(Closed) fiance wanted to be at his 'friends' delivery…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

Its pretty clear that this man doesn’t deserve you or your time. Leave him, cut ties with him and move on. He is choosing her above u, and I totally agree with u – leave now while you still can and find someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated.

Post # 33
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree with the other women….IS HE THE FATHER??? That would explain a lot! You are so better off. Pack your stuff and get outta there while you still have your dignity.

Post # 34
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m really, really sorry but I have to agree with the other bees’ suspicions that there is a strong likelihood that your fiance is actually the father of this other woman’s baby.  I can’t imagine any other reason why he would want to be in the delivery room.  This is coming from someone whose best friend happens to be a man and we’ve been friends for nearly twenty years, but there is absolutely NO way that he would ever want to be anywhere near me while I was giving birth!  He and I are proof that men and women CAN be just friends, but it’s honestly a rare thing that doesn’t come without its challenges.  Every one of my boyfriends except my husband has been jealous of my friend and I honestly don’t blame them.

I had this ex who claimed to be just friends with his roommate and I was willing to believe that because of my own experience with my own best male pal, but I was foolish to do so because I went through the exact same thing that you’re going through with your fiance and his so-called “friend”–they went everywhere together without me, he’d drop everything (including me) for her whenever she needed anything, he was always doing all kinds of favors for her, he was always nicer to her than he was to me (he’d pick fights with me while continuing to be cheerful towards her), they were always poking at each other (any excuse to touch each other), they were in each other’s bedrooms at all hours of the night (even when I was in the apartment), he got extremely pissed off at me one night because I didn’t say goodnight to them (when they were in her bedroom together with the door shut), she’d just come barging into his bedroom (without knocking) while we were in there together but he never seemed to mind this, he always seemed jealous every time she went out on a date., and she even bragged to me how he BEGGED her to come live with him (right in front of him no less and he never denied it).  Long story short, I was a fool to put up with as much from these two as I did.

Based on all of this, like I said, men and women CAN be just friends, but there’s a fine line between being close friends and just plain inappropriate behavior for someone in a committed relationship.  My ex and his roommate were obviously more than friends and it seems the same way for your fiance and his “friend.”  My advice to you is to RUN.  Whether he’s physically cheating on you with this girl or not, he’s definitely emotionally cheating, and that’s just as bad.  Your fiance has made it clear to you that this “friend” of his means more to him than you do.  You deserve so much better than this!  As someone who’s been there, I would NEVER tolerate this from a man again and I hope you won’t either.  If anyone ever meant more to my husband than me, I would be gone.  You will be much happier if you find someone who’s willing to focus on YOU.  Remember, in your relationship, you should NEVER have to play second fiddle to ANYONE!  It should be about YOU, not about HER or anyone else!  As much as I love my friend, every time I’ve had to choose between him and my husband, I always chose my husband and I always will because that’s how it’s supposed to be in a marriage.  In fact, it’s the only way it CAN be if the marriage is going to last!

Post # 35
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with the many other posts that suggest he is the father. Usually when things like this don’t make sense, he is lying about something. I was not engaged to my previous SO when something similar happened, but I can empathize. She was there ALL the time. She was over when I was not. Hell, he WANTED her over more than he wanted me there. He always got incredibly defensive of her and of himself. Things just weren’t adding up. One day the THREE of us were playing cards and he had the nerve to flirt with her right in front of me. We broke up that night. They dated six months. She left him because she couldn’t deal with his JEALOUSY (imagine that). He was a very controlling and jealous person (which ironically is usually how a guilty person acts). It is ultimately your decision, but I can promise you that you deserve better! And you will find it. But you have to get out.

I’m so terribly sorry you are going through this.

Post # 36
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
@Brielle:  

 

If his agenda were to help this woman, he would be delighted to involve his Fiance.  They could do so much more as a team.

His actions tell you he has already made his choice.

Post # 37
Member
9108 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m not a gambling woman, but I’d bet grandpa’s farm that he is that baby’s daddy. Regardless, he could not possibly be more clear that this “friend” is more important than you. It’s time to decide whether you agree with him, or whether you feel you’re important enough to leave him and find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. I guaran-F-ing tee that his behavior and priorities will NOT change after marriage. 

Post # 38
Member
11522 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

View original reply
@sassy411:  

I completely agree with you, especially about the team approach. My DH is a pastor and often has people coming to him for help and counseling. He tries never to be in a situation where he is alone anywhere with a woman, and, if he needs to go to visit or counsel with a woman, he will take me with him, and we will both work together as a team.

Post # 39
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

Uhm. I’ll ignore my suspicion that he was the real one night stand and focus on this:

He’s kicked me out several times over this and I just feel like this is the biggest nightmare ever and he refuses to see why Im upset.”

I’m sorry, what the hell? Is that normal? He’s KICKED YOU OUT SEVERAL TIMES? That is NOT okay. You don’t kick out your future wife over arguments about your “friend.” And if he restricts you hanging out with men, you absolutely have the right to throw that back at him, especially in this situation. And he asked for the ring back… F-ing ridiculous, that just shows who holds the greater place to him.

You should be relieved the engagement is pretty much over. Make it super over, that’s my opinion. I’m exhausted from your relationship just reading that post, I can’t imagine actually living through it! Having this woman play an overly-active role in his life is obviously more important to him than having a future with you.

You deserve better, seriously. He’s an asshole.

Post # 40
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This relationship seems to have all sorts of problem. I know this is not exactly what you want to hear, but it is good you found all this out before you married him. I think you should move on. My husband has a lot of female friends, but all of this just seems very odd….

Post # 41
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I also wanted to add that even though this so-called “friend” of your fiance does deserve the title of homewrecker, she would have no power to hurt you or your relationship if your fiance didn’t allow her to do so.  He’s the one who is destroying your relationship by allowing this woman to come between you and putting her needs ahead of yours.  This is all HIS fault.

Post # 42
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Most of my friends are male, but I certainly would have never asked any of them to be in the delivery room with me! I also agree with a PP, it really bothers me that you are not “allowed” to have any male friends but he can put the needs of his female friend over your needs?

Oh honey, this situation is not going to get better I am afraid. You have tried counseling – a long conversation is not going to cut it. And it’s definitely NOT cool that he has “kicked you out several times over this”. Not cool at all.  He doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t care about your needs. It’s time to move on.

Post # 43
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

OP: Any update on this?  Hope you’re doing okay…. 

Post # 46
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sounds like either he is the father or extremely madly in love with this homewrecker. I’m sorry you are going through this but I feel like you need to restore some of your pride and self worth! Don’t ever give a man the time of day if he kicks you out for telling him how you feel..in this case about his “friend”. He’s kicked you out multiple times, bullied you, and humilated you. It’s time to move on before you become the crazy one in the story. Let him have her and her one-night-stand child because it’s clear that it’s what he really wants. Screw him!

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