(Closed) Fiancé Wants A House Before Marriage

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@katiebeary:  His reasoning doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Why would you refer to someone as wifey if you’re not 100% on board. Also, why would you agree to be engaged if you’re still not 100% sure!!!! If this is THAT important to him then he should at least compromise by renting. 

Post # 4
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That doesn’t sound right.  No if you don’t feel comfortable doing so then don’t.  Stand your ground and there shouldn’t be an Ultimatiam.  That’s not good to start a marriage off like that. 

You should sit down and talk about how you will pay the bills and divy them up.  Also, you should check into the Pre-marriage classes it talks about that.

Post # 5
485 posts
Helper bee

Um, I think your fiancé should have decided whether or not he thinks you two will “make it” before he put a ring on your finger. 

I say put your foot down. I think you should tell him you aren’t going to buy a home with him unless he marries you.

In your situation I wouldn’t buy a house with him. You two are already engaged, so I believe getting married takes priority over owning a house. 

Post # 6
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@katiebeary:  I would not be ok making a purchase like that together without the legal documentation stating that you two are married. If things go sour before marraige, there is little you can do legally  if the house is only in one person’s name. If you’re married everything changes. I would tell him you won’t buy a house until after the wedding.

Post # 7
224 posts
Helper bee

I think you should both come to a common ground and rent before you get married and buy just after. He may not want that right now – but personally I think it’s the best decision.

Me and my SO have been renting for the past 3 years and believe me, it took a LONG time to get settled in. Not only is it strange living together at first (cleaning up, using the bathroom etc) but paying the bills is an added stress that, despite being aware of, had no idea just how stressful it could be.

Luckily, we were fine – but I was so much happier knowing that if the worst happened, we’d just be kicked out of our flat – not in arreas with a mortgage and a hell of a lot of debt.

It’s put us in a position now where we are both confident that we can afford to live together. Because believe me, I thought we would be fine too when we first moved in, but I got sick and my sick pay didn’t even cover rent – let alone bills. To this day I have no idea how we handled it, but we did and that’s given us the confidence to know that one day when we actually own a property, we’ll be good.

Unfortantely with marriage comes compromise, and you shouldn’t be the one doing all the compromising!

Post # 10
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe could he play house?  You estimate the amount of money it would be for bills and put that money into a savings account every month.  That way you are reducing your variable spending and also putting aside money for a home in a seperate account?

His reasoning is a bit confusing but I understand him wanting to stand on his own feet before getting married.  But buying a house isn’t the only way to stand on your own feet.

To be honest though, my husband and I bought a house together before getting married.  If it worries you and you want to buy a house, you can make a cohabitation agreement that would say what would happen if something happened in the relationship.

Post # 11
4152 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I see where he’s coming from, making sure everything else is financially stable before a wedding.  But for me, marriage should come first.  But I can hardly talk, SO and I aren’t even engaged and I’m moving 6500 miles to be with him.

I can’t offer any advice, sorry.  Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

Post # 13
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  1. I’d stop letting him call me his wife ASAP, if it was me.  You’re NOT his wife yet, so he doesn’t get that pleasure until you are.  😉
  2. Dear god, please do not buy a house together to see if you can ‘make it’.  If anything, find a house together if this is what he wants, HE signs the mortgage and you pay towards it every month.  Don’t put your name on the line if this is a practice run/test.

Post # 15
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Please do not purchase a home with him until you are married. There is way too much financial risk involved in doing that.  I also absolutely would not purchase a mobile home just because you view it as being a less risky option.  I am not at all familiar with the details of the real-estate market in your area; however, any home purchase, even a short-term one, should be viewed according to its advantages and disadvantages for your long-term plans. 

Post # 16
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

If he needs some sort of trial run before marriage, why not rent an apartment or a home? I can see his point about wanting to be financially stable before marriage, as many me define themselves by their ability to financially provide for their family, but you don;t have to buy a house in order to be financially stable. And let me tell you, buying a house is a huge stress ball that is not a lot of fun. It’s much less stressful to rent for a year or two as a transition.


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