- 1 week ago
- Wedding: January 2020
I’m desperate for some advice.
My fiance, Tom and I have been engaged for 7 months and are getting married in January, 2020. Two weeks ago, as we were visiting his family in Greece for Christmas holidays, he popped the “pre-nup” question at a night club just before New Year’s eve (still in Greece). He said he had a five hour discussion with his mother regarding finances as they have a sucessful business together. She has a share of 30% of the company. I also now work for him for three months.
His mother told him that I must sign a prenup because she doesn’t want me or my family to steal from her.
With loud music in the background and drinks involved, I shrugged and said OK.
The morning after, I was highly offended as to why she thinks that way so I brought it up with him. He said he believes there’s a chance we would divorce because of the ways I handle our arguments. I typically storm out the house when we have massive rows because it’s my way of calming down for an hour or two. Anyway, I thought that was the worst reason to make me sign a prenup because it means we’re setting up for failure and there’s no trust.
I explained that maybe we aren’t ready for marriage, because my view has always been that as a married couple you are one entity, in everything. He said “why do you care, it’s my money”, which I completely understand however, he can’t even give me good enough reasons as to why I should sign.
His mother controls all of his finances (although he is the one working 24/7 making all of the money for both of them). He also often hides the things he buys for me (which isn’t a lot) from her.
When we first dated, I couldn’t stand him paying things for me so I opened up a credit card account so I could keep up with him. I was working full-time as an office manager, but his lifestyle was so expensive (flight tickets and contributing to trips he organsed, dinners, uber journeys because he’d only take ubers). Before I thought to plan to pay off my debt he asked me to move in with him, which meant more expensive rent. It reached a point where I didn’t have any money to support myself and I’d go into work starving because I was so ashamed to tell him I was in debt.
After we got engaged, I told him about my debt problem. He said he’ll help me pay it off by making me sell his old but yet quite expensive watches and clothes and other things on eBay and take small amounts of money from his account so that his mother wouldn’t notice. I was fine with this and absolutely appreciated the help. But after his mother mentioned me and my family “stealing” from her, it made me look at this situation in a different light.
He gets extremely offended if I mention him mother and her controlling his finances. He told me he can do what he wants and if I’m not happy then I should marry a bus driver.
I am so distraught. I just need to know if I’m in the wrong of not wanting to sign a prenup and considering whether this marriage is already destined to fail.