Fiance wants his "best friend" who he used to be in love with, to be in wedding

posted 2 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 91
Member
11349 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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sunnyland :  

Nailed it.

Post # 92
Member
604 posts
Busy bee

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simplyshort :  So, I haven’t read anyone else’s replies, but I’m going to give you my two cents on this situation.

1.  No, it is not okay for her to be in the wedding party.  If it was me, she would not even be invited to the wedding.  

2.  I wouldn’t have dated someone in the first place who was actively involved in the life of the person he viewed as “the one that got away”.

3.  I know many people who have platonic, opposite gender friends.  That is not what you are dealing with here.  This is a woman, your Fiance used to be in love with, who during the course of your relationship has gotten closer to him and used him as an emotional crutch during a hard time.  People can have different opinions here, but I don’t think it is acceptable for a man in a relationship to “be there” for a female friend to that level.  I’m not okay with it.  I’m quite sure that she has a mother, sister, girlfriends, coworkers etc. that can be there for her.  It does NOT need to be another woman’s Boyfriend or Best Friend, Fiance, or Darling Husband to turns to.  I think that should have been shut down completely from the get go by your Fiance.  It is not having strong boundaries.  Given the history of that relationship, NO WAY should have been depending on him.

4. I think that she has been unsupportive of your relationship.  She said she doesn’t like you.  Why is your Fiance telling you this?

 

Post # 93
Member
2309 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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ctbxbee :  The OP updated in the comments. The fiance did not tell her what Kristin said, the OP snooped through a text or email convo and read what Kristin said about her. The fiance also complained to Kristin about the OP which may have led to Kristin’s comment in the first place.

 

The OP also updated that she is 100% confident that her husband to be has no romantic feelings for Kristin now. Her reservations are that she doesn’t trust Kristin and she doesn’t want Kristin planning (and attending) the bachelor party (Kristin would be part of the groom’s side, it sounds like).

 

Which, OP, if you’re still reading the comments, you don’t need to trust Kristin. You need to trust your fiance to set and enforce reasonable boundaries with Kristin. If you trust him, it really shouldn’t matter what Kristin does. I think it’s pretty clear from your original post that you don’t trust him as much as your update says that you do, or you wouldn’t care whether or not Kristin was included.

Post # 94
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

Hell NOOO. I’m not the jelouse type but this would not fly with me. She should not even be in his life at all! If ANYONE and I mean ANYONE did not support my relationship they would not be at my wedding. 

Post # 97
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee

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simplyshort :  I’m glad she’s out. I just hate that the onus is being put on *you* to make that final decision. He should’ve been the one to put his foot down and axe her based on her behavior. It should’ve been this:

 

”I cannot believe Kirisin asked to be in our wedding after she talked about you. I told her absolutely not!!”

 

rather than what is actually happening, which I’m 99% sure will be relayed to her as:

 

“I originally wanted you in our wedding, but Simplyshort said no”

 

This was the perfect time for him to use some authority and create some big, seemingly needed boundaries with this girl who clearly does not respect you. He failed to do that and is making you do the dirty work for him by forcing you to make the decision. I think that’s the problem that a lot of us have with this situation, besides the “the one that got away” comment.

Post # 98
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You’re afraid that a girl who has never romantically been interested in your Fiance may suddenly discover secret romantic feelings she has never realized she had because he’s getting married? This is waaaay too rom com for me.

Is her name Julia Roberts? Are you Cameron Diaz? I’m not trying to be flippant but like it’s literally almost the plot for My BestFriends Wedding. 

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