(Closed) fiancé wants me to lose weight

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it took alot of guts for him to approach the subject with you, and I think he did it as gently as he possibly could. You’d be amazed at how mean and hurtful men can be about this kind of stuff. I do understand you still feel hurt, and that you wish it was a non-issue…but beleive me, it’s an issue because the fact that you are uncomfortable with your body has probably not gone unnoticed. 

I myself fluctuate between 130 AND 150…which is slightly dramatic…my husband hasn’t ever said anything negative about how I look though I know it makes him uncomfortable when I am. I mean, when I hide myself when I’m dressing or when I”m fretting over what to wear because nothing fits, I mean I think it does bother him. He may not say to me directly that I need to loose weight but he gets super supportive when I start going to the gym agian, because that’s what always works for me.

He himself has gained weight since the wedding. I haven’t told him he needs to lose it, and it really doesn’t bother me, what bothers me is that he isn’t comfortable in his skin. So I’ve been helping him cut calories by the food and drinks I prepare for him. 

Post # 33
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

In the four years I have been with my husband he has gained about 20 or 30 pounds.  I think all my home cooking has done him in for the worst! 😉 I have weighed the same. I have never had trouble with my weight though, so I don’t have any advice on how to deal with that for you.

But I want to let you know that I love my husband even with the added weight. I am of the mindset that you SHOULD love your hubby even if they gain a little. There’s so many great things about my husband that a few pounds here or there aren’t going to change how I feel about him. I’m very disappointed in your fiance….

I am 140lb and 5’9. I am not model skinny, but I think that is a healthy weight for my height. I had a boyfriend poke at my stomach once like I was getting chunky in the year we dated. I never felt the same about him after he did that. I think some men can tend to be over-critical.

Post # 34
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
@plzhalp:  it’s not about loving someone less, it’s about caring about a healthy lifestyle, and caring about your appearance from a healthy perspective (which can be directly correlated to attraction to an SO). do neither you or your fiance care about being fit and being in shape? do you not care about the increased risk associated with gaining “20 to 30 pounds”? unless your doctor says you are in good shape, you need to work on being healthy, period.

Post # 35
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@blueskies7:  I guess you didn’t read the part where I said that I didn’t have any weight problems. We do care about our appearance and health. We play sports and eat relatively healthy (well I do more so than him). I think if he gained, like, 50 pounds then I would consider it an issue, but 20? nah…

Post # 36
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@blueskies7:  I am not sure doctors are in any position to declare someone in “good shape”. They can run tests and give the results and if they adhere to the BMI standards, pass on that information. 

Post # 37
Member
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I just want to point out that being thin doesn’t mean the same thing as being healthy.  In our airbrushed, anorexic, over advertised world it’s easy to be self concious and insecure.  If you’re weight gain isn’t effecting your health (i.e. increased blood pressure, difficulty breathing, high blood sugar, etc) then it isn’t really your health that’s the issue.  Beautiful brides come in all shapes, color and sizes.  Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for how you look.  If you want to lose the weight go for it, and if you feel beautiful already, then you don’t need to change a single thing.

Post # 38
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

Opposite side of the situation here…  I am 5’8, 115lbs, have been for 10 years.  Living with SO for the last 2 years HE has gained 25-30lbs.  I am still crazy attracted to him but Im not sure I will be if he puts on another 20.. but I have been talking to him about losing weight now for a few weeks because I am worried about his health!  Your Fiance obviously wants to spend the rest of his life with you so he wants you to be around as long as possible!  I’m sure he is just concerned about your health!

The topic ‘fiancé wants me to lose weight’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors