(Closed) Fiance wants me to move to his house – NOT giving up my babies!!!

posted 7 years ago in Pets
Post # 77
Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@maxfluffy:  Just popping in to say that I love your black cat. Gorgeous.

Post # 78
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@bebero:  It’s a lot easier to replace a pet than a life partner, that’s for sure. A lot of folks who are allegic to cats are not allergic to dogs – maybe try that. I can’t fathom putting my pets over my husband’s comfort (and I’m the girl who voted I would save my dog over a stranger). The level of love that I have for my husband cannot be compared or replaced.

Post # 79
Member
2399 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I love my fur babies but they would not come before DH..ever.

Post # 80
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am a cat lady and told my FH that as soon as we started getting serious to NEVER make him choose between him and the cats as he would LOSE. He is allergic as well and I have NINE in the house. He takes allergy medicine every day. One option – is to make them into basement cats IF he has a nice finished basement. Invest in an air cleaner and ta da.

Post # 81
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Cats are great. I have one, love her very much. I would never give her away voluntarily. But if the quality of life of the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with were compromised because of it? Well, she’d be happy with another owner, but I could never be happy with another man. It’s about where your loyalties lie. I understand when you got he cats that that lifetime   commitment fit into your life and the way you had planned it, but clearly this was not part of the plan. So the question is: who do you choose? At the end of te day – and I know I’m gonna get flamed for this, but – they’re cats. I’m not saying they aren’t a big and very important part of your life, but are they a bigger and more important part than your future husband??

Of course, if he would be fine with having them in a different, less frequented part of the house and vacuuming, then by all means try to convince him to let tem stay. But I would draw the line at medicating my loved one for an animal.

 

Post # 82
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Blue Horse Farm

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@Sunfire:  yeah it’s crazy how that works!  When I used to come over to his house I would have horrible allergies, we’re talking itchy eyes, itchy runny nose, sneezing every 5 seconds, even asthma attacks on occasion.  It was where I would try and avoid the cat because if I didn’t touch him it wasn’t too bad, but of course, you know how cats are – they love you if you ignore them!

Once I moved in it went away pretty quickly and like I said I can have him in my face now even and be fine.  It’s amazing how our bodies work and how they are able to build up immunity to things!

Post # 83
Member
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

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@trueblue14:  Only if he doesn’t have a severe cat allergy.  Otherwise instead of ta da, he’ll be in the hospital.

 

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@Sunfire:  If your allergies were severe as mine and it sounds like some other PPs you would have never been in a house with 5 cats.  When DH and I were dating, he lived with his parents and they had a cat.  I never stepped foot in their house, until after it died.  I waited a good period of time, and they had vacuumed and washed everything (MIL had a less severe allergy to the cat) and I still had reactions.

Post # 84
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@maxfluffy:  I would never give up my dog in this situation. They are your family. They can compromise, have them take Claritin or some kind of allergy medication before going over. It might be tough in the beginning but FI’s immune system will get use to cat allergies. I use to be highly allergic to cats growing up. My best friend use to have to put her cats outside when I went over and still I will get sick as a dog because their hair was all over the house anyways. My eyes would get so watery and swollen, my nose stuffed up I couldn’t breath. But over time I got immune to them and always worked with animals. At petsmart, I was a vet tech… and now I don’t get allergic reactions anymore. Your body wil build up a tolerance when exposed to it long enough. Claritin also helps me with my season allergies and at work. 

 

Post # 85
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@stardustintheeyes:  I honestly cannot wrap my head around how it gets to this point.  I really can’t.  OP said she’s been with Fiance for 4 years but she didn’t address when the cats came into the picture.  I assumed it was before they were engaged, or even seriously dating, because if this was a serious relationship how does it not come up for her to say “hey, I want to get cats” and him to say “I’m allergic” and go from there.  If the cats predate the relationship, or if they were dating but not seriously enough for her to need to run by him the idea of getting cats, again I don’t understand how the relationship progressed to engagement if cats were a dealbreaker for him.

If I had cats and was engaged or married and magically overnight my FI/DH discovered he was severely allergic to cats and the allergies could not be managed by any of PPs suggestions?  Yes, I would choose FI/DH over the cats and rehome (NOT pound/shelter) the cats.  But it doesn’t happen that way, I don’t think.

Post # 86
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@sailor:  Just some food for thought…. I had cats growing up and was just fine. No allergies to speak of.  I also have always had a dog. So I was not always this way and even well into my 20’s things were managable in most situations. One day, it just got bad, like I needed a hospital stay. It was scary and it came out of left field. I went from having mild allergic reactions every now and then to having a full blown attack that was very dangerous. My thinking after that is, better to be safe than sorry. It can develop and progress over time. It is entirely possible that a few things happened:

-OP got the cats at a point in the relationship where things were not serious and he didn’t have much of an impact on her decision making process for things like this.

-the allergy developed or was discovered after the relationship began.

the possibilities can go on and on ya know? regardless of if you can’t understand how it got to this point, it did get to this point. I did agree that this is the kind of thing that should have been discussed much earlier if it is something that the OP feels strongly about. so to say “THE CATS STAY” given the current situation is just ridiculous to me and the fact that the decision was so easy for the OP makes me question if this is truly the love of her life. I couldn’t choose my pets over the person I believed to be the love of my life.

Post # 87
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@Silly_love:  not everyone is like you. I was actually the opposite. My mild allergies got ten times worse as time went on to the point where its just impossible for me to live with a cat. Or even enter a home that has a cat. It truly is that bad. So depending on the FI’s level of severity and how he specifically reacts, your situation may not be how it works for him.

Post # 88
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

I’m glad to hear OP will not be giving up her cats. They have no one on earth but you. 

Post # 89
Member
4334 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

um so are you just going to wait until the cats die until you get married (and presumably move in?)

Post # 90
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

I love my pets and have had many for life but I would never put them before my husband. There will always be another perfect home for your pets to go to where they will be loved and cared for just the same as you cared for them. It is very selfish to think that you are the only person in the world that can properly care for your animals. My husband has cat/horse allergies, they are mild and controlled by allergy medicine but I have told him many times that if he says they need to go that we will find them a new home. We do not have any intention of getting another cat once ours passes away as I don’t feel it is fair for him to suffer through allergies even if they are mild.

 

Post # 91
Member
11373 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

No brainer for me.  Any guy who couldn’t love my dogs was the wrong guy for me.

 

Luckily, Dh was a dog person & he fell hard for mine early on.  He’s a great dog dad.

I could never give them up for a man.  I could’t even think about it.

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