How did I miss such a wild thread.
I’ve visited some cutthroat attorneys and seen some wild prenups, but this is on the cutting edge of extreme. It could be that he visited with someone who had designed a very, very one sided prenup — but it would be guided by the conversation of your partner and your specific situation, as well as his goals. So, he entered that space with very ugly intentions.
I am pro-prenup. My situation when I married my spouse was almost identical to yours, in reverse. I had recently completed my residency and was making something in the low 200k’s as a starting salary with an expectation that it would double over the course of my career. My future Darling Husband was making around 95k.
I focused on protecting my family’s estate and inheritance in considering our prenuptial agreement. NOT protecting my salary or assets gained in marriage. I understood the idea that the life I would be building with my spouse would be defined by our partnership, and my family and our attorney helped me discuss ways to keep myself protected in the event of a tragic divorce. But, terms that were fair. Negotiations went back and forth between the two attorneys I think 4 times? We were both comfortable with the final resolution. Now, married for 10 years, I have an understanding of building things as a partnership in a way I only vaguely understood. Your partner is your lifeline, your strength, the other half of you that helps you accomplish things you could never accomplish without him or her.
And that is BEFORE you even bring children into the equation.
My Darling Husband now makes several million more a year than I will ever make. And almost two year ago now, I broke my spine and reduced my hours.
Imagine my dismay if I had signed.
I agree with a PP who said a few pages back that you should collect your clinical patient hours before considering children. Do that at least, because it will be very much harder to do another way. Children can come later.
I don’t disagree with his idea that he would not take a year off for childcare himself. A gap in employment in medicine is the kiss of death. Even women in my department who have children do not do it. I would never.
Also, my family nannies make around 75k a year, with a month off in the summer. They are live-in, and sign only a one year contract at a time because they are in such high demand. They are fed, and provided a vehicle and housing. So they are the closest comparison to what you would doing, as a stay at home parent. But wait, none of them have PhDs.
So your guy might want to increase that 15k to something more like 40k.
I DON’T actually disbelieve that he is intimidated by PhD candidates from respected universities. There is a very distinct difference in the richness of vocabulary and depth of conversation between PhD candidates and graduates from prestigious universities and that of someone from a third tier medical school. You can immediately tell. And yes, people still do pay attention to those things.
You have quite a bit of power and leverage to say no, or renegotiate, any contract he puts in front of you. I don’t believe that I would sign one in your case, and I would also keep my parents’ financial gift for myself.