Fiance wants me to wear Ex's ring

posted 1 year ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
7816 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your boyfriend wants you to wear his ex’s ring and wedding dress? I’m sorry but this is weird as hell, and would get a big fat hell no from me. If he can’t afford to pay for your ring or dress, that’s completely fine, but it doesn’t mean you should be pressured to wear his ex’s things! I think there are very few women who would feel comfortable wearing their partner’s ex’s wedding ring, let alone her wedding dress, and the fact that your fi expects you to do this is nothing short of bizarre.

I would just tell him you’re not comfortable with it and will either go ring-less or purchase a new ring you can afford. I recently bought a stand-in 10k rose gold wedding band on Amazon for $50…it’s lovely. You don’t have to spend a fortune on this stuff if you dont’ want to.

Post # 3
Member
5538 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think you’re perfectly entitled say this isn’t what you want for your wedding. Tell your fiancé that your dad wants to buy you a dress and you want to find something that is “you” and in terms of the ring just tell him you don’t want the symbol of your marriage to have come from a broken marriage.

How much of a problem this will be will depend on his reaction, although I can’t believe he is so socially unaware that he thinks this is a normal request.

Post # 4
Member
1886 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Heck no. I’d rather have a simple metal band than another girl’s dress and ring. It’s like sloppy seconds. 

I would sell the dress and have him use some of that to buy you a simple new setting for the diamond. Or buy a cheap cubic zirconia ring and upgrade later.

As for the ring, sell the band for the metal and repurpose the diamond one day into a necklace. Or take the diamond and put it into a simple new setting if you really aren’t sentimental.

But it would seriously bother me that she got to choose everything and he managed to afford it for her, but you don’t get any choice on anything of your own. 

Would you make him wear an ex’s baseball cap for the rest of his life?

Post # 5
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

I’m sorry but that’s a fuck no on both the ring and the dress. And I’m not rich. He needs to sell that thing (the ring). I would want a new ring. You can find really nice ones at a lower price. And if you’re not set on a diamond,  the options are endless. 

The dress would be super offensive to me. Like what the hell is he thinking?! I would actually be pissed off at this suggestion. It shows a lack of thought on his part. He needs to sell that thing too. 

Post # 7
Member
2139 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

level01fiance :  lol… like WHAT?! How can someone be that dense. That cannot possibly be an actual request from him. “Hey babe I bought this for my ex but she gone… now you get to wear it”. The ring too. Absolutely not. Say no. Easy as that. “I want to have something that’s for us not from your past”. I’m really side eyeing your Fiance right now. It’s just too ridiculous. 

Post # 8
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee

Him wanting you to wear his ex’s dress, veil, and ring?  That’s creepy “Rebecca” territory.  

Sounds like the dress/veil is no longer an issue, thanks to your dad. 

Would trading the ring in for a different one (perhaps through an estate jeweler) be something he would be open to? 

Post # 10
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Lol, my husband is PURE LOGIC and so he said to me “Hey, want me to save some cash and just wear my wedding ring from last time?” and I was like yeah, no, I don’t want that and don’t do it” and he said ok and that was that. So it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that your fiance suggested it and didn’t mean anything weird by it, IMO. 

Just tell him no, that you don’t want to do that. You can suggest he use the ring to offset the cost of yours if you want since he’s on a budget — but just be honest with him that this isn’t something you want to do. No worries! 

Post # 11
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper

Sell the dress and rings and use the money to buy yourself a new ring.

yes, diamonds have crap resale value, but it would be yours. You can also use the diamond but buy a new setting. 

Post # 12
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

That’s a big HEEEEEECK no from me. He should sell the dress and veil at least. If the ex’s ring has a diamond, you could reset it into a new setting using the money from the dress and veil. If you’re against using any part of the ring, then sell the whole thing and consider a non-diamond alternative. 

Post # 13
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

Dearest Bee, this is beyond weird. It sounds to me like your future husband has some serious baggage to let go of (and I’m not talking about his debts). Look, I get it. He was “wronged” by his ex and is still suffereing the (financial) consequences. BUT- why should YOU? Whatever happened between him and his ex is in the past and shouldn’t have an impact on you. Hence, you need/deserve a new dress and a new ring.

He should have sold that ring ages ago. He could have sold the dress, too (at minimum, donate it) and recover some of the money that way. The truth is that he’s screwed up either way because the value of his ex’s dress/ring will not cover the mortgage and other debts he acquired while being with her, so the fact that he’s still holding on to it all tells me he’s not completely over the trauma of the breakup (sorry!). This is not me implying he’s not over her though. I’m sure he is- he just needs to let go of evertthing else, too. 

Good luck, Bee!

Post # 15
Member
9809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Hell to the nah nah. 

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