Post # 16
Member
9388 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
One more for nope.
Help him sell the dress (though if it’s 4+ years old you probably can only donate it.) and sell the ring and use the money to help buy a new one.
If it were a family heirloom I’d get where he was coming from.. but this whole saving money by reusing the wedding ring and dress he purchased for his ex… At best it gives off a vibe that he feels you, she, and in fact all women are interchangeable. :/ I’m sure that’s not what he intends, but you still have every right to not want to feel like you’re filling in for his ex.
Post # 17
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
“We’ve had a casting glitch; you’re replacing the actresss originally cast as The Bride. Here’s the costume.”
I wouldn’t wear her ring. I wouldn’t use her stone. And I would think long and hard about marrying someone so insensitive or hung up on the past or super-frugal–or some combination of those traits.
Post # 18
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: July 2018 - Mount Princeton hot springs
level01fiance : I personally would not be okay with this. I would suggest he attempt to sell or pawn the ring and use the money from that to buy a new ring for you. This should be especially doable if the original ring is a diamond and you are okay with a moisannite or other equally beautiful and more affordable stone. Alternatively, if you do decide you want to go with a traditional diamond, you could have the stone from the original ring (assuming it’s a diamond) re-set in an a setting that YOU choose and since the diamond is typically the higher priced part of buying a ring this wouldn’t be much extra cost.
Post # 19
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
This is really weird. I’ve heard of wanting to reuse a ring, but a dress?? Both would be a hell no from me. He should have sold it all long ago, so no better time than now to get rid of all of it. Use the money from all three to buy a new ring of any kind!
Post # 20
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
Wait… it just dawned on me.
He’s been holding on to his ex’s wedding dress/veil for at least 4 years? And possibly longer?
You’ve been dating for 4 years and I assume he didn’t start dating you immediatley after their relationship ended, so guessing at least 1 year and maybe longer passed before he started dating again.
Who does that? Was he planning “oh, i’ll hang on to this dress and when I find the right girl she can wear it”?
Post # 21
Member
6 posts
Newbee
misslucy : I believe your last statement is what was going through his mind. His ex wanted him to sell the items (she actually paid partially for them, but she’s not pressing charges because of the debt she left him with) but he refused. And he brought this up early on in the relationship. At the time I thought he was just trying to instill the idea of marriage to me but I didn’t think he’ll actually keep them all these years.
Post # 22
Member
7187 posts
Busy Beekeeper
level01fiance : This makes your Fiance sound a little . . . off and also pretty emotionally clueless. I just wanted to add that if his emotional IQ is as low as this makes him seem, you need to make sure you have a good sense of how you are feeling about things that take place between the two of you and that you not dismiss your own feelings about things that he does.
Post # 23
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
Another vote for hell no.
If he wants to save money he can sell her leftovers and you can both use the money towards something new. I’d think my fiancé was joking if he suggested something like that.
Post # 25
Member
13726 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Absolutely not a normal or decent thing to expect or ask of you. If he’s this clueless, it makes me wonder how well you really know him and what other issues he has, with money or anything else.
Post # 26
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
My ex proposed to me with his ex’s engagement ring. I gave it back to him that same night. I told him I didn’t like it and to go and buy me a new ring. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t work out. So, that’s a hard no here.
Post # 27
Member
3511 posts
Sugar bee
TwilightRarity : Low emotional IQ… I love the elegance and subtlety of this phrase…
Post # 28
Member
2370 posts
Buzzing bee
There are plenty of guys who don’t get it about wearing the same ring that was meant for his ex. He probably isn’t stupid about everything, but being stupid about this is a guy thing. I would say there are just about zero women who don’t get this, but very many men wouldn’t.
Don’t be too hard on him just say no, I want my own ring, just because.
Post # 29
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
My husband had a failed engagement before we met and if he tried to give me her engagement ring I would have told him to shove it up his arse
seriously I can’t belong your fiancé believes this is acceptable?
Post # 30
Member
6 posts
Newbee
TwilightRarity : It completely blindsided me, and I still don’t fully understand why he is so clueless about the whole ordeal. He’s never pinched a coin for me, always offering to pay for my expenses, etc. I suppose I should’ve made that clear because I think my wording made some people think my fiance is too cheap/uncaring.
He’s usually very sensitive but I guess wedding details just completely go over his head. I’m starting to suspect he religiously follows magazine articles on ‘pleasing your girlfriend‘ considering I doubt they say “thou shall not make fiance wear Ex’s ring” because it’s rarely an issue.
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