Fiance wants me to wear Ex's ring

posted 10 months ago in Rings
Post # 31
Member
6303 posts
Bee Keeper

Honestly, holding on to and asking you to wear his ex-fiance’s wedding dress and veil is pretty creepy.  I doubt they say “thou shall not make fiance wear Ex’s ring” because it’s rarely an issue. Yes–rarely an issue because even most seriously clueless men know that this wouldn’t fly with most women. 

If you like the stone in the ring he has you can set it in a new setting. If not, look into trading it in toward a new ring or just plain selling it. 

Post # 32
Member
10454 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

level01fiance :  

Women are not fungible. We are not widgets in a box from which you can grab one widget or another and it won’t matter because they are all the same.

Something is quite odd here. What is his explanation for holding on to the ring, dress, and veil all this time?

This not even in the neighborhood of normalcy. And I give major side eye to men who blast their exes.

Every word may be 100% true. But, just exactly how did she cause him so much debt? And how did he allow things to get that far?

 

Post # 33
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Greenspot Farms

I would take the ring to a pawn shop and trade it for something else. I got a very simple gold band from a pawn shop and I love it! I also got a diamond band as well…. I got both rings for less than the price of 1 that it would have cost me new!

Post # 34
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I honestly find it creepy that he kept her dress and veil and honestly thought it was an ok thing to ask you to wear them… 

Makes me wonder… How much do you and she look alike? Could it be that you’re simply a replacement for him? 

Post # 35
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I do think it’s creepy too, but maybe he just doesn’t realise how personal these things are. I would say that you could sit him down and agree to sell them to make some money putting towards a new dress and veil?

Post # 36
Member
9623 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

level01fiance :  it’s not your wording that make people wonder.. it’s the fact he held on to a wedding dress for years with the idea his next bride to be would wear it. I don’t think there is any way you can word that which wouldn’t leave some wondering if he generally makes less than great choices in the name of saving a few dollars.

It’s too bad too, if he had sold the dress right when they broke up he would’ve gotten the smallest loss on the thing.  Which probably contributes to people thinking there is more to him holding on to her dress than money.

Post # 37
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Oh hell no.

Post # 38
Member
1171 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Thats freakin weird. 

Post # 39
Member
323 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like your fiance got stiffed very badly to me. Your fiance is trying to save some money. I actually get it. I thought of some ideas on how to persuade him to sell the ring and wedding dress if he is not comfortable with them. I also have other ideas that may not require getting rid of the ring or the dress.

 

Here are some options regarding the ring:

1- You can resell the ring in kijiji, ebay or other sites and get as much value as you can for the ring. My fiance sold his ex’s ring to his close friend. 

 2- Since diamonds are expensive. You can take off the diamond on the ring and sell the ring. Buy another ring without and diamond and place it on the ring. You will be only recycling the diamond and not the ring.

3- Go for lower budget ring so that your fiance is encouraged to sell the ring. There are so many nice cheap engagement rings that you can buy with the money that your fiance receives from selling the ring especially that you are not very particular.

4- Some people don’t wear engagement ring when they get engaged. It may be better not to wear any ring at al than to wear your fiance’s ex’s ring. There are so many ideas that have replace engagement rings online. 

5- You can melt the ring and make another ring for yourself.  This may become more expensive than the other choices.

6- Buy a wedding ring together and wear it as your engagement and wedding ring. Some people wear the same ring for engagement and wedding. You fiance may be on board with this since he won’t have to worry about buying you a new ring. He can also sell the old one and benefit from it.

 

Here ares some options for the ex’s wedding dress:

1- Resell it and buy a low budget wedding dress with the money that you receive. Wearing another used dress is still better than wearing the dress of your fiance’s ex. you can find many websites that sell preowned wedding dress that you may like.

2- You could also buy the wedding dress with your personal money so that he doesn’t suffer another debt.

3- This option may not be for you: You could go for a very small wedding or elope to avoid huge expenses on the wedding dress. This option is not for every one but it saves money if you wear a new wedding dress.

4- Alter the wedding dress to your liking and save money on buying a new dress. After all, the ex did not get married in that dress. It also sounds like she has expensive taste, so, there is a possibility that the dress is nice. If the dress needs major alteration because it is not your style, then it’s just cheaper to buy another dress. This may not be a good option for you.

Good luck. 

 

 

Post # 40
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Fifty shades of no!!

 

Post # 41
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Tell him while you were cleaning out a closet you happened to find an ex’s pair of boxer shorts and excitedly tell him that because he is so thrifty he can wear them now! 

On a more serious note…he shouldn’t be reading articles “how to please your girlfriend” if you are getting married, he should know you  and what would please you and have the common sense to ask if he is unsure. How could he get this one so far off the mark??

Post # 42
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

Fuck no. I read it out to my Fiance and he agreed this is really strange. Also I can’t imagine wearing his ex wife’s anything. 

Post # 43
Hostess
3209 posts
Sugar bee

I always give my man shit and call him a cheapskate. When I read him that your Fiance wants you to wear your ex’s ring, dress, and veil, the look on his face was one of shock, horror, and disbelief. That says it all for me. Even a fucking cheapskate things that’s batshit crazy.

CRAZY TOWN, my friend. And it’s already been brought up, but I also have to ask – why DOES he still have these things? If he was in so much debt I’d have thought he would’ve sold them all to recoup some losses.

Post # 44
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Runnnnnnnnnn

Post # 45
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

No to the dress, no to the ring. 

Sell the dress and veil, sell the diamond ring or have it reset (but I’m not big on using anything from a broken engagement). If you still feel bad about asking for a new diamond ring after the sales, look into moissanite, lab created diamonds or other precious stones – Sapphires, Rubies, Emeralds are all beautiful non-diamond choices that bring the price down.

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