Fiance wants me to wear Ex's ring

posted 1 year ago in Rings
Post # 46
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow – just wow

Post # 47
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

level01fiance :  Yikes! I totally get it. This would be a big fat NO For me. To me engagement rings are family heirlooms even if they are only starting with you. Personally if i were in a situation where i couldn’t afford the ring I wanted I would get a super simple thin band, and get an engagement ring with one of those lab created diamonds that are insanely cheaper than a natural diamond. Then whenever we had the money I would just update the stone later. No one has to know your diamond isnt’ “real” 

This ring is a symbol of your marriage and someday would go to your daughter or your grandkids for their wedding. Don’t let him make you use his Ex’s ring. Sell that sucker, or take the dimonds from it and make a neckalce. Just don’t use it for your rings. 

Post # 48
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

You’ve been Dating for 4 years before getting engaged and he still has /saved her ring dress and veil with him to eventually use on another fiancé?? In all those years and through all those financial troubles he chose to keep them with him …instead of selling them and using that money towards the debt she left him Orr just selling them because it’s creepy to keep them? Has his exs wedding dress just been hanging in your guys closet all this time like it’s nothing? I’d say hell no to all of it and would have questioned him on why he was still clutching to them looong before this! It sounds like he’s not over her if those kind of items have been such close possessions all this time. 

And she wanted to just sell them and have money go towards those finances… instead he chose to keep them close.  Also you stated he offers to pay stuff for you and isn’t usually cheap with you. Let that sink in. It’s completely his emotions and sentimental value he places on her wedding belongings behind keeping them and you using them

Post # 49
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Definitely a NO. Thats so sweet of your father and i think you should have a serious one-on-one talk with your fiance about the dress AND the ring. 

Post # 50
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Some bees have already given lots of great ideas, especially selling the ring and keeping the diamond and having it reset. It would be cool if there were other bees who are in the same situation or whose marriage didn’t work out who might want to swap diamonds or rings, then each bee ends up with a ring that doesn’t have their/their partners bad past experience attached to it. Unfortunately there are probably not enough on this board to make it work… But would be cool! 

For the record I agree with the consensus. Also if you wanted to try an alternative stone you could try moissanite 🙂 

Post # 51
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Four Seasons Hotel Los Angeles at Beverly Hills

Wow. Reusing a diamond, I could understand maybe, as they are a big investment and you can always get a new setting and make it into a completely different ring, but wanting you to wear his ex wife’s dress and veil?? That’s creepy af. 

Post # 52
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

The fact that he even still has these objects after four plus years is troubling. I mean if you were really in debt that badly you could’ve sold that dress and ring online for money to at least help get you OUT of debt a long time ago. That coupled with the fact that he actually wants you to WEAR the dress another woman picked on what’s supposed to be there happiest day of your life and the ring he picked out for another woman for the REST OF YOUR LIFE? 

Are you sure he’s not severely brain damaged? 

Post # 53
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Post # 54
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Here’s my two cents.  

Sell the dress.  Reset the diamond (if you like it) into a new setting, using the money you get from the dress, plus whatever you can afford.  That way it is yours.  And you’re also reusing a diamond which is great for the environment.

Post # 55
Member
967 posts
Busy bee

Totally weird! The ring is bad, but holding onto the dress really makes it bizarre.

my ex asked for my ring to give to his new woman. I saved her from this situation and told him to go buy her a new ring, I was keeping mine. I eventually had the diamond reset for a right hand ring. I have no regrets. But I wouldn’t have wanted to reuse it for my engagement ring.

Post # 56
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

Hells no sister! I haven’t read all the posts but its a no from me and every other woman who would rather walk over hot coals than wear a ring from a failed relationship. And it’s not about the money either, there are so many beautiful options rather than diamonds.

 

NO, just no.

Post # 57
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

thebeekeeper :  Actual LOL at your response and I wondered too…

Post # 58
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

These responses are just confirmation for what you already knew…

Post # 59
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

Yeah that would feel weird to me. There’s nothing wrong with passing those things down, but not from an ex. I understand money is a an issue but personally  every time I looked at that ring, I’d think of his ex. I’m sure he will understand and it’s just a financial thing. 

Post # 60
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

LOL this is absolutely ridiculous. Just explain to him that you’d rather not wear the ring he bought as a symbol of his love and devotion to HIS EX. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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