Fiance wants me to wear Ex's ring

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 61
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Ummm no. I would feel extremely awkward wearing things meant for his ex. Why not sell the items so you can buy something for YOU!

Post # 62
Member
5643 posts
Bee Keeper

Are there any updates OP? Did you talk to him?

Post # 63
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Thank you for even more replies! It’s been a busy week and I haven’t used my laptop in awhile. For some reason the mobile version doesn’t let me use the “add a comment” button.

I’ve sat down with my fiance and gave him the e-ring/wedding back stating I felt uncomfortable wearing something I didn’t see as mine. I tried to be cordial because at this point I assumed he didn’t think anything wrong of it. Surprisingly he was extremely embarrased about the whole thing after thinking about it for awhile and was planning on bringing up with me about it. ‘Just blinded by excitement and density’ he said.

I’m not too sure why he kept it around for so long but I tried to bring up selling the items and he claimed he tried as well but the stress of it all just made him want to stash and forget. It’s rather wishy washy in my opinion but he doesn’t really give me a reason to really think otherwise.

I made note of all the suggestions you all replied with(because I don’t have the heart to show my fiance this thread) and we’re looking into other gemstones because they all look very lovely. 

Thank you for your support!

Post # 64
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
level01fiance :  I agree with all the previous replies 100%, but my question just as a red flag would be why on earth was he holding onto his ex-fiances wedding gown and veil for 4+ years!? Paid for it or not–this is just weird and it would creep me out. 

Post # 65
Member
6863 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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seraphina :  because he apparently shoved it in a drawer to ignore?  I can totally see people doing osmething like that.  Upset about the breakup, don’t feel like dealing with it right then, can’t be bothered later.  There is so much in our house that we’re too lazy to deal with.  I can’t believe anyone thinks that’s a red flag – it’s not like he’s wearing it around his neck or stashed in his wallet.

All’s well that ends well though.  Apparently he feels like a doofus and problem is solved.

ETA: doofus #2 is me; that was about the dress, not the ring, lol.  Weird but I can still see it happening.  I’ve got a couple of trial bridesmaids dresses that I swore I’d sell as soon as I realized the return fees were ridiculous. It’s been 3+ years.

Post # 66
Member
6 posts
Newbee

View original reply
skunktastic :  I thought that too! The dress and veil all made sense to me but the ring was a bit strange. It has material value in of itself. Maybe he has no idea where to sell it and just keeps pushing it back. He’s not one to be so irresponsible(he fights tooth and nails for returns/discounts) but his previous relationship was rather toxic and he’s expressed he felt lucky to find out about the infidelity before marriage.

Of coure the heart is more complicated than words sometimes but I feel plenty trusting of him. Either way he’s receptive to selling the ring so I’d rather not make him uncomfortable at this point.

Post # 67
Member
971 posts
Busy bee

He is insane to ask you such things. Get your own dress and find a simple ring on ebay or something. The ring doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. I would not be happy wearing another womens ring and dress. 

Post # 68
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

That’s really weird, to be honest. I wouldn’t be comfortable with any of those things. I also think it’s a little strange he kept the dress, veil, etc.

Post # 69
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2021

View original reply
level01fiance :  I don’t know about you, but that ring symbolizes the love he has for you. This is more like, “damn I spent a lot of money on this, let me find someone to wear it.”

Post # 70
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
level01fiance :  It’s weird, but if your gut tells you he is one of those “bury and forget about it” types plus a few sprinkles of frugal there’s nothing to worry about.  If he wasn’t over his ex… why the hell would he want to see YOU in her wedding dress, veil and ring!?  He would be “insane” to torture himself like that.  If he really wanted her, he’d be cheating on you in some way with her and hoarding that shit for safe keeping, waiting for her return and not offering it to you.  It’s more likely he is not skilled in dealing with emotions and recognizing the sentimental value in these things at the same depth most of us on this forum do.  Come on people… 

Post # 71
Member
13749 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m glad he didn’t give you a hard time, but something about the way you tip toe around him bothers me, as does the fact he was so dense in the first place. If he’s this cheap or clueless I find it hard to believe it’s a totally isolated incident. I hope you have your eyes open. 

My guess is someone else read him the riot act and that’s why he already knew that what he did was insensitive and is now embarrassed. 

Speaking of that, if he knew, what was he waiting for? If you never brought it up, would he? 

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