(Closed) Fiance wants to attend his friend's wedding alone

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 152
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m very troubled by the fact that you laid it all on the table and he didn’t immediately and enthusiastically say that this has all been a misunderstanding, that he’d rather die than lose you, etc. I’m sorry but I would postpone the wedding. 🙁 I couldn’t marry a man who doesn’t seem sure if he wants to marry me. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  dances123.
Post # 153
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

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ladykatie82:  You have every right to be upset and you were totally right to tell him that it wasn’t okay. I love that you told him that you don’t need to be with him if he can’t accept your terms!

But (personally), I think your talk came from the wrong angle. You basically told him that he is not allowed to go off and get drunk with his friends and without you because you don’t trust him. I feel like that’s not something a wife would say to a husband; it sounds a little more like something a mother would say to a son. Not only can I not imagine any adult responding positively to that, I think it just sends the wrong message about your relationship and the kind of dynamic you want to have. And whatever your feelings about alcohol may be, I think it misses the main point, which is why he thought it was okay or desirable to exclude his future wife when he knew all of his friends would be bringing their SOs. 

Post # 155
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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ladykatie82:  I am happy that you got to talk about everything that was bothering you and you laid it all on the table! You deserve someone who respects you and wants to show you off…good job/crappy job, rich/poor,  young and beautiful/old and wrinkly!! Marriage is forever either he wants that or he doesn’t. Stay strong! Good luck 🙂

Post # 156
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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ladykatie82:  yeah that talk and his responses made this 10 times worse to me. I thought he just off the cuff said guys weekend, didn’t realize how dumb he sounded and quickly changed his mind once he realized. But the fact that he didn’t say to you after you explained your side, “I didn’t mean that at all. I am so sorry. Of course I want you there with me. I don’t need to get wasted with my buddies. I want you to meet them and come with me “. He shouldn’t have to think about any of this. The fact that he’s still considering leaving you home so he can get wasted. If he is even thinking about you not fitting in with these cosmopolitan women, yuck. Red flag. He should want to show you off no matter what career you have and no matter who the company is. This is not good. Good for you for standing your ground on these issues. 

Post # 157
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

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ladykatie82:  Please do not count on him to leave you. He looks like the kind of man who wants the best of both worlds.  He will likely do the minimum to keep you while he does whatever he wants outside.  It looks like you don’t trust him. You know him yourself. Like you said you owe it to yourself & future children to protect them.  If you think he is likely to expose you to Save-The-Date Cards under these circumstances while you are not married, how much more at risk will you be when he can do whatever he wants because you aren’t going anywhere (aka married)?

Besides, if he is misbahaving now, I’m sure he will get good at hiding it-if he’s not already doing things behind your back. Please, you have the opportunity to escape now. He doesn’t appear to respect you and his behavior would make me afraid to have any children with him.

 

Post # 158
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

[content moderated for personal attack]

Post # 160
Member
15045 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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katyalanalove:  Yeah, sorry, but from reading your other posts, it seems you not in a place to give relationship advice imo.  If he is embarrassed of her, then he probably just shouldn’t be with her.  One should not be embarrased of the person they CHOOSE to be with.  Or maybe you and your Fiance think he’d be less embarrassed if she would get some plastic surgery and be his personal barbie doll.  Not everything is about looks and someones weight.  Not every man out there is a superficial chauvinist.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  pinkshoes.
Post # 161
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

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katyalanalove: I like that you felt the need to include that your Fiance loves to introduce you to everyone he knows. Because that was totally necessary. As was your FI’s lovely and mature comment.

Post # 162
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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oeno:  Yeah… is there an “unhelpful” option?

Post # 164
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee

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katyalanalove:  Seriously, what’s wrong with you? How can your fiance tell if the OP is fat from looking over your shoulder? You are incredibly unhelpful. I can’t tell if you’re just completely brain washed and misguided or if you live under a bridge. 

Post # 165
Member
889 posts
Busy bee

Wow no way ! Sorry not happening. why would he not want you there when he said the other wives, etc would be there ?!?! Ugh I would be WHITE too ! 

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