- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
Pretty sure katyalanalove is just an Internet troll and there is no woman/FI, they’re some lonely loser who just goes on the Internet to stir stuff up. Also just saying, I’m pretty sure their username comes from the TV show Archer.. just sayin
Again, mountain out of a molehill.
Yeah, I don’t really want to be the lone voice of dissent, but I can understand why your fiance wouldn’t think you would want to come. Yes, you could hang out with the other wives/gfs, but would that be enjoyable? I’ve gone to weddings where I have known no one, and, while I can certainly make conversation, it’s not all that great. Maybe he wants the chance to catch up with friends without having to feel responsible for your enjoyment (as a pp said). I get that, especially if he hasn’t seen the friends in years.
Claiming the women are “cosmopolitan” wasn’t necesarily a dump on you; maybe he doesn’t think you would enjoy spending time with them.
As for the drinking, if he has a REAL drinking problem, sure, that’s concern. But if he drinks at weddings? Come on guys. People drink at weddings. I drink a lot at weddings, and I am the most lightweight person I know. That’s what they do, and that’s WHY many people even GO. Since we are on the planning side, we like to think of weddings as magical and sacred and all about the couple. But really. You invite, 150+ people, you REALLY think everyone there is thrilled to spend 4+ hours adoringly watching you and idly chit-chatting?
I love weddings, but let’s get real. Traditional wedding receptions are not some transcendent experience. People DO go because they feel obligated to, they go to drink, they go to drink, they go to hang out with people they haven’t seen.
OP, I understand having issues with your fiance drinking to blackness – I’ve been in that boat and it probably means you are not a good match. But on top of that, there’s his side of things – my husband likes to drink (maybe too much, depending on your point of view), but if he wants to drink to blackout-ness, he wants me THERE to be with him. The fact that your fiance doesn’t want you there is all you really need to know. Trust your gut on this one and I hope you find the strength to act. He probably doesn’t have that strength, so I’m not sure waiting for him to be responsible is going to work out.
“He got his invitation in the mail the other day and said he wanted to go by himself because it would be his old buddies like old times and they would be kind f wild and I wouldn’t fit… My face went white when he told me and he was like, “Oh no. I said something wrong!”
“After he saw how upset I was, he told me he wanted me to go, actually. But I said, that I would have to think about that.”
Sounds like he was being a clueless guy more than anything and thought this would be a great opportunity to get drunk with his old friends more than anything malicious or insidious.
I agree, though, that if he is getting blackout drunk, now THAT would be a concern to me. But I’ve gone to social things without my husband, and he without me, depending on the situation. Not sure why this is “cancel your wedding” material.
When you talked to him, though, it seems like you focused a lot on thinking he tends to get too intoxicated at these events. Which is it?
So we spent a good deal of time with each other this weekend. We went to the beach and drove around and had a nice time. I tried to keep things kind of cool and light as much as possible today. This time, he brought up his friend’s wedding talk again first. I asked him more about the other guys’ girlfriends and if he thought I would not fit with them because my work is so different than them. He said, “No, not at all. I was trying to tell you that they are not bad people, that they are very ‘together’ so you wouldn’t think all bad about them.” He said that there are really a few reasons. 1. He doesn’t really like going to weddings of people he doesn’t know, so he assumed I wouldn’t (and he really doesn’t! he gets REALLY nervous) 2. He didn’t know where we would both stay because it is out of town and we are waiting for sex until after the wedding. He was like, “at weddings you start thinking about your own wedding and you’re gonna look good in a pretty dress and I’m gonna be all handsome in a suit and I’ll have a few drinks and it’s going to be too much for me, I know.” We really aren’t very good at not fooling around when we’re alone like that, tbh. 3. This was going to be at the end of the bachelor week he was going to spend with just he and his dad and he thought it would be good to incorporate that in the whole bachelor week package. He said he was overthinking it and not really thinking at the same time and that he was sorry and he should have just asked me if I wanted to go and didn’t realize how that would sound to me. He was like, “I guess I have just been a bachelor too long and it’s like teaching an old dog new tricks or something. I do want you to go and show you off to them. I guess it was just an ego thing and I wanted to see my old friends, but didn’t know how to do this logistically.” Also, he did say that he loves to make me happy and to do stuff with me, but he was afraid I would become unappreciative of him and would start demanding more and more from him and it would never be enough and instead of being fun for him to do that stuff, it would become a chore and he would start wanting to resist. I could see that and I have seen others do that to me that were insecure and I felt the same way. He told me he would not blame someone for not wanting to marry someone that gets drunk all the time or blacks out.
So there is that. I want to think that he was just having trouble expressing himself before he, himself was ready to talk about it? That all makes sense… Eh?
Oh hell no!! There’s a reason he doesnt want you there. Either he should tell you the truth or you should go and scope it out. If there’s something weird going on when you get there then you have your answer, and you will have to decide what the future holds for you two
<br />Regarding the other wives/gf..I live in the DMV area and most of FI’s friends and significant others either work for gov agencies or the big 4 consulting companies..I do market research and translations. I have 0 clue of what they do and vice versa but we still find something to talk about or have something in common. It never occurred to Fiance that because we don’t work in the same industry or do the same line of work that we would not have anything in common. I think it’s unfair that he did not (will not/does not) give you a chance to at least get to know them and decide for yourself if in fact you would not “fit” with them.
Point #2..you can get separate rooms/hotels. Unless the wedding was in the country and far away from a city.
<br />“Also, he did say that he loves to make me happy and to do stuff with me, but he was afraid I would become unappreciative of him and would start demanding more and more from him and it would never be enough and instead of being fun for him to do that stuff, it would become a chore and he would start wanting to resist.”
<br />This puzzles me. So is he saying that you wanting to be included, introduced to his friends, is demanding?
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