(Closed) Fiance wants to attend his friend's wedding alone

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 181
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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ladykatie82:  please consider calling off your wedding.  This has nothing to do with your career or looks.  This has everything to do with your fiance being a needy, self-centered person.  He does not care about anyone but himself and his image.  He will not change.  You deserve better, everyone does.

Post # 182
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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SweetSweetB:  I’ll bet she looks really cheap And fish-faced!

Post # 183
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - country club

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Annonnie89:  I think she deleted her account, what an ass

Post # 184
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

 

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katyalanalove:  Seriously lady, you need to stop dishing BS advice. 

Post # 185
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee

Pretty sure katyalanalove is just an Internet troll and there is no woman/FI, they’re some lonely loser who just goes on the Internet to stir stuff up. Also just saying, I’m pretty sure their username comes from the TV show Archer.. just sayin 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  minniegrace.
Post # 186
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee

Again, mountain out of a molehill. 

Post # 187
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yeah, I don’t really want to be the lone voice of dissent, but I can understand why your fiance wouldn’t think you would want to come. Yes, you could hang out with the other wives/gfs, but would that be enjoyable? I’ve gone to weddings where I have known no one, and, while I can certainly make conversation, it’s not all that great. Maybe he wants the chance to catch up with friends without having to feel responsible for your enjoyment (as a pp said). I get that, especially if he hasn’t seen the friends in years.

Claiming the women are “cosmopolitan” wasn’t necesarily a dump on you; maybe he doesn’t think you would enjoy spending time with them.

As for the drinking, if he has a REAL drinking problem, sure, that’s concern. But if he drinks at weddings? Come on guys. People drink at weddings. I drink a lot at weddings, and I am the most lightweight person I know. That’s what they do, and that’s WHY many people even GO. Since we are on the planning side, we like to think of weddings as magical and sacred and all about the couple. But really. You invite, 150+ people, you REALLY think everyone there is thrilled to spend 4+ hours adoringly watching you and idly chit-chatting?

I love weddings, but let’s get real. Traditional wedding receptions are not some transcendent experience. People DO go because they feel obligated to, they go to drink, they go to drink, they go to hang out with people they haven’t seen.

Post # 188
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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Annonnie89:  +1

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Karenina:  He might prefer to go alone (and maybe she would prefer that too), but he should have given her the choice.  He shouldn’t decide for her.

OP, I understand having issues with your fiance drinking to blackness – I’ve been in that boat and it probably means you are not a good match. But on top of that, there’s his side of things – my husband likes to drink (maybe too much, depending on your point of view), but if he wants to drink to blackout-ness, he wants me THERE to be with him. The fact that your fiance doesn’t want you there is all you really need to know. Trust your gut on this one and I hope you find the strength to act. He probably doesn’t have that strength, so I’m not sure waiting for him to be responsible is going to work out.

 

Post # 189
Member
13041 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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Karenina:  And even if all those things were true, and I totally disagree, shouldn’t it be up to OP to make that decision herself? 

Post # 190
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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weddingmaven:  Sure. But her original posts suggest that he wasn’t forbidding her to go at all:

“He got his invitation in the mail the other day and said he wanted to go by himself because it would be his old buddies like old times and they would be kind f wild and I wouldn’t fit… My face went white when he told me and he was like, “Oh no. I said something wrong!”

“After he saw how upset I was, he told me he wanted me to go, actually. But I said, that I would have to think about that.”

Sounds like he was being a clueless guy more than anything and thought this would be a great opportunity to get drunk with his old friends more than anything malicious or insidious.

I agree, though, that if he is getting blackout drunk, now THAT would be a concern to me. But I’ve gone to social things without my husband, and he without me, depending on the situation. Not sure why this is “cancel your wedding” material.

Post # 191
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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ladykatie82:  I’m confused. Initially, it seems like you were upset that he didn’t want to include you at a friend’s wedding – a feeling that was completely justified, given that all his friends would be bringing their spouses.

When you talked to him, though, it seems like you focused a lot on thinking he tends to get too intoxicated at these events. Which is it?

Post # 194
Member
42 posts
Newbee

Oh hell no!!  There’s a reason he doesnt want you there. Either he should tell you the truth or you should go and scope it out.  If there’s something weird going on when you get there then you have your answer, and you will have to decide what the future holds for you two

Post # 195
Member
768 posts
Busy bee

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ladykatie82:  Hmhhm..sounds like damage control to me. I mean..he seemed pretty adamant about going alone at first.

<br />Regarding the other wives/gf..I live in the DMV area and most of FI’s friends and significant others either work for gov agencies or the big 4 consulting companies..I do market research and translations. I have 0 clue of what they do and vice versa but we still find something to talk about or have something in common. It never occurred to Fiance that because we don’t work in the same industry or do the same line of work that we would not have anything in common. I think it’s unfair that he did not (will not/does not) give you a chance to at least get to know them and decide for yourself if in fact you would not “fit” with them.

Point #2..you can get separate rooms/hotels. Unless the wedding was in the country and far away from a city.

<br />“Also, he did say that he loves to make me happy and to do stuff with me, but he was afraid I would become unappreciative of him and would start demanding more and more from him and it would never be enough and instead of being fun for him to do that stuff, it would become a chore and he would start wanting to resist.”

<br />This puzzles me. So is he saying that you wanting to be included, introduced to his friends, is demanding? 

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