(Closed) Fiance wants to attend his friend's wedding alone

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 226
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

So we all agree that his excluding OP was a dickish move and that the decision to attend the wedding was hers, not his, to make. We all also agree that there seems to be an issue in the effort he is making in romancing the OP and it definitely needs to be addressed.

But does that really equate to a drunken, self-centred, gaslighting, mentally abusive, narcissistic psychopath a la Carlo Rizzi? I’m sorry but I feel like we’re giving this unromantic guy with a case of footinmouthitis far too much credit. 

 

 

Also, diagnosing someone with NPD requires a serious one-on-one evaluation with a mental health professional. Just saying.

Post # 227
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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Arshim:  exactly, that’s why the OP should take this off a silly board and go speak to someone who can properly evaluate the situation.

Post # 228
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

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Annonnie89:  I definitely agree with you that the Bees’ helpfulness is exhausted at this point.

Some premarital counselling is certainly in order as neither seems to know how to communicate effectively with the other.

 

ETA: I’m surprised someone hasn’t thrown out The Love Languages suggestion yet. 

Post # 229
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

He had a point about the accomodations. If you’re not sleeping together where would you have stayed? What have you done when you traveled together in the past?

Post # 231
Member
536 posts
Busy bee

Going back through and rereading everything, there is a lot of drama in this feed.<br />Take a step back and really think about everything. I think you are focused on this one issue when it sounds like there are other underlying issues in your relationship. If you two are not married yet and you are having doubts on his behavior, really think hard about if you want a future with him. If I was in your shoes, I would have an issue with him attending a wedding solo. Sadly, it would be grounds on dismissal. WITH THAT BEING SAID, I know my guy. I know that him saying this would be a major red flag because he is always getting me to go to places I don’t want to go to show me off. He will invite me to parties where its just his guy friends and I will tell him to go have fun, go have some guy time. Sometime he will push me to go more than other times. However he always wants me there. My situation would be different than yours. Other times you and your guy have gone out with groups of friends, how has he acted? Has he wanted you there? Also, have you ever met his college friends before? If yes, why is this time different than the time you all hung out before? If you haven’t, then think about this… Does he want to go solo because he knows he is going to act differently around these people? If yes, it shows that there is a side of him you don’t know. This side of him he is certain you would not like. You need to experience all sides before marrying the guy because the saying about skeletons in closets are true. So just think about this kind of stuff.<br />You know him more than any of use giving you advice. Is this out of the norm for him? <br />Also, really think about this (and not to put thoughts in your head), a girlfriend of mine was in a similar situation. The guy was bad news and we all tried to warn her. She didn’t go and later found out the reason why he didn’t want her going was because an old fling was going that was single. She is still with him today however he hasn’t been faithful to her since day one. (again red flags for this guy since day 1). Not saying this is the same situation as yours with the guy, however… it could be. Only you would know that because of how he is.<br />Also, some of these bees could be right about him just being a guy and being stupid. If you were just starting out dating, yeah I can see this. You two are supposed to get married. Join together and be a team. This isn’t being a team.<br />Lastly, stop making excuses for him. Please don’t take that harshly, I do not mean it that way. It sounds like you are overlooking what he is doing and turning blame on to yourself. You shouldn’t do that. <br />So my advice (and I apologize this is so long)… stop reading these for a few hours… continue your day as normal… relax and step back from the situation. Think about the relationship and if this is out of the norm. Think about what he said and the responses. Do not come up with excuses like he didn’t invite me because of my career or I’m not good with meeting people. There should be no I’s, Me, I’m, Mine, etc. Talk to him heart to heart. If it was a dumb guy move, he would be sincere and want you to come. Good luck with everything.<br /><br />Ps- The chick who wrote the fat comment…. that’s just rude.

Post # 232
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

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LemonColoredLamps:  I was wondering this, too, like the fiance has no clue the wedding won’t be Male Bonding Time.

Post # 233
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

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ladykatie82:  Hm. Is he from a Western country? This kind of sounds like something I’d only expect from a man from a highly misogynist country, like China or Iran or something, where women can be so easily compartmentalized. 

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