(Closed) Fiance wants to attend his friend's wedding alone

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I agree with some of the others here.  I’m wondering if there is an ex or something else that he doesn’t want you to know about.  It seems very strange that the rest of the guys are bringing their significant others. The guys could still catch and have fun and you could get to know the wives and fiances.  It just makes no sense to me why he wouldn’t  want you there.  I’d be suspicious.  Definitely a red flag.

Post # 47
Member
15063 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

How can it just be a wild time with  with the boys if their GF/wives are going to be there?  That’s just werid to me that he’d want to go somewhere like wedding by himself.  It would never cross my or my husbands mind to attend a wedding or travel with out the other unless the other had some reason that they coulndt go.

Post # 48
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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MrsBuesleBee:  My thoughts exactly. Either an ex-girlfriend, an old flame, or someone he just really doesn’t want OP to meet/run into.

Post # 49
Member
1908 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Profile Photo stefzbee.
Post # 50
Member
3961 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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ladykatie82:  I find it a little odd and if my Fiance did that, I would not be happy. All the other guys will be bringing their ladies, but he’s going to keep you at home? Sorry, no dice. I would just let him know that you find his intentions extremely rude and you don’t appreciate it and it’s not going to fly.

Post # 51
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Meh.  He stupidly said something then immediately recanted when he saw how upset OP (rightfully) was.  If you dumped a boyfriend every time he said something stupid, nobody would ever get married! I wouldn’t worry unless this were part of a pattern of shady behaviour. 

Post # 52
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

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ladykatie82:  It would bother me too, but perhaps he didn’t really think the suggestion through and just thought it would be a nice opportunity to catch up with his old friends without worrying you are getting left out etc.  The fact that he immediately said ‘oh no’ makes me think he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings here.  I don’t think this is suspicious on his part.

Post # 53
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview

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ladykatie82:  I would be pretty mad actually. My fiance and I use every opportunity we get to show each other off. That seems sketchy to me

Post # 54
Member
940 posts
Busy bee

it would have probably hurt my feelings yes, i don’t think its something to read too much into. My husbands went on camping trips before where he didn’t want me to go along and his friends ended up bringing their wives. Sometimes we just need space. Maybe he just wants to let loose and worry about having fun without being concerned if you’re bored to tears? If he felt immediately bad I doubt he had anything shady in mind. Sometimes guys just say stupid shit. 

Post # 55
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’d be pissed.

Post # 56
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - State Park

I would be seriously ticked. And probably a little paranoid. What is he trying to hide? Especially since all his buddies are bringing wives, girlfriends, etc. 

Post # 57
Member
6412 posts
Bee Keeper

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ladykatie82:  My ex used to do this all of the time, he wouldn’t want me to be there because I had never been there in the beginning, but everyone else’s SO’s, spouses, whatever.  It used to bother me to no end, and it was one of the reasons our relationship failed.  he was so adamant that I couldn’t be there, even though all of the friends that would be there, would text me and ask why I couldn’t make it.  BUT, the difference here is it sounds like your Fiance is willing to change his mind seeing how upset you were.  Personally it would bother me more that he would suggest such a thing especially if we were engaged.  Just a few months in, I wouldn’t be offended at all.

What did y’all end up deciding?  Are you going to end up going?  Or will he go by himself. I wouldn’t break up over this (for suggesting), but I would re-evaluate the relationship if he went by himself.

Post # 58
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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ladykatie82:  So my husband attended an event recently (not a wedding) and he let me know that no one was bringing their wives and that it would just be the guys. Of course, I wanted to go and was a little offended. However, it was truly just the guys (I saw pics) and no one else had their wife there.

I’m confused why everyone else is bringing their spouse but he is not. I would be pissed. 

Post # 59
Member
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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ladykatie82:  i would not be ok with this. we have done everything together since we got engaged unless it wasn’t logistically possible…especially weddings. there’s no reason for you not to go and enjoy time with his friends and their significant others.

Post # 60
Member
8991 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Nope. I’m the last one to be up my husband’s ass — we like our space. But weddings are notorious hookup opportunities. Exes, the one that got away, the one you never had the guts to try with, old friend’s finally-legal cousin, sexy bridesmaid/groomsman… Add in the party atmosphere, usually lots of booze and usually lots of hotel rooms. The bride and groom aren’t the only ones getting lucky on the wedding night. I’d be very pissed and very suspicious if my fiance wanted to go to a wedding without me. Especially if all the other guys were bringing their SOs.

As for what to do, I’d go. Also, some PPs are making a big deal that you weren’t named on the invitation — I would not take that as an insult. LOTS of people address invitations to “and guest.” We know it’s usually the bride who handles this, and good on the ones who go to the trouble of finding out their fiance’s old college buddy’s girlfriend’s name, but I don’t judge the ones who don’t and would never take offense where clearly none is intended. When it’s someone super close to your fiance, or someone you’ve met 2-3 times and been introduced to as the fiance, when those people consider you “and guest” you might wonder if it means something. Otherwise, chalk it up to “they don’t know any better.”

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