(Closed) Fiance wants to attend his friend's wedding alone

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
6337 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I don’t like his excuse for not taking you to this wedding and agree with PP there might be an ex or an old flame involved.

Post # 63
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
ladykatie82:  I do think he should include you.

However, just to play Devil’s advocate, do you get really uncomfortable/awkward around strangers? I know that if DH and I go somewhere and he seems uncomfortable or quiet, I worry about whether he’s enjoying himself, which detracts from my own enjoyment (DH is pretty social, so it rarely happens). Maybe he’s afraid he’ll either ignore you when he’s caught up in reminiscing with his friends, he’s worried he won’t be able to let loose, or he’s worried you’ll be uncomfortable? 

None of these are great reasons to leave you behind, but if any of these make sense, it might help you approach the topic from the same angle.

Post # 64
Member
8991 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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ladykatie82:  “I think he is inviting some of their mutual friends to our wedding. I’ve never met any of these people yet.” — This makes it even weirder because the friend’s wedding would be a perfect opportunity for you to meet these people before your own wedding.

It’s a good sign that he changed his mind when he saw how upset you were. Maybe he just wasn’t thinking clearly, but your reaction was completely understandable. If he’s happy to have you come now, I would try to forget about it and focus on having a good time at the wedding. Although, being a cynic, I’d still try to notice who he’s especially excited to see there….

Post # 65
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

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ladykatie82:  When I first read your post, I thought “oh, hell no!” But then I remembered a wedding Fiance and I went to last year.  It was a couple that met when I was in grad school with the two of them, and so all my grad school friends were there, and not many significant others who didn’t also go to school with us or who we knew from that time.  Fiance had a horrible time – and in turn, I did not have a great time.  He doesn’t like most of the people from my grad program (they’re not the friendliest to outsiders when we all get together, so it’s justified), and he just felt like an outsider despite my trying to keep him included.  I think it honestly would have been better had I attended alone, and certainly no funny business would have been going on had I done so.  So maybe that is where your Fiance is coming from. 

But still, the fact that all the other SOs will be there does make things a little fishy.  So I’m not entirely justifying this, just offering a perspective of where he may have been coming from that’s not so awful.  Though even if he preferred to attend alone for a similar reason to the one above, he should have offered you the option, rather than just saying he didn’t want you to attend – that is rude.

Post # 66
Member
1323 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

they’d have their SOs with them yet they’re all going to be wild? um yeah i highly doubt that. this looks shady

Post # 67
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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ladykatie82:  If my guy said I wouldn’t fit in with his crowd, I’d be non-plussed. It’s not acceptable for THAT reason to want to go alone because he’s excluding you which is hurtful and selfish. Other wives and GFs will be there so why not you? Then again, if you don’t really care, don’t make a big deal out of it and let him just go.

Post # 68
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Considering everyone elses spouses are going, I’d be put off by being excluded. He wants a wild night out…. With his friends and their wives and girlfriends.. But, not with you. I don’t want to scream shady but, its definitely questionnable.

 

 

Post # 69
Member
2677 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

How does he know other spouses will be going??

I can’t say I’d call off my wedding over something like this, but I think a heart-to-heart with him about how excluding you feels & why he feels like going alone is the right course of action. 

Post # 70
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’m not one to jump to conclusions but personally I would feel very uncomfortable if my fiance asked me to stay behind. Something does seem a bit off…

Post # 71
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Personally I would be livid!  It helps that he did change his mind when he realized you were upset, but there is a definite reason he didn’t want you there and you deserve to know what it is.  It would be different if all of his other friends were going solo also and he did just want a boys night. I would have a heart to heart and figure out exactly what was going through his mind, specially being this close to your wedding date!

Post # 72
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

This seems weird to me. I’d get it if he and his buddies went off one night in the wedding week to get wild and lef the Girlfriend and wives behind, but to not bring you at all when he was granted a plus one is weird. I’d talk to him about why, something seems off.

Post # 73
Member
13373 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If he really thought that you wouldn’t enjoy this wedding or this crowd, he could have described them to you and left it up to you to decide.  But that’s not what he did. So it is suspicious to me that this was his true motivation. On top of that, some of these people are invited to your own wedding, which kind of undermines his entire premise.  If they are really that wild and inappropriate I’d want a heads up before inviting them to my wedding sight unseen.  

He makes it sound as if he wasn’t so concerned about you liking these people as he was about not feeling comfortable to be with them around you. 

A fiance, or in fact, any significant other or guest, should be invited by name, but the bride may not be up on her etiquette or may have just been too lazy to ask. That part was probably just a  faux pas. I would not take offense where none was intended. 

It’s possible that Fiance did not mean to hurt or offend you, but if so he was pretty clueless. 

Post # 74
Member
4500 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is a big red flag. It sounds like how I’d expect some of my exes, who were wonderful but young and not ready to settle down, to behave. 

My husband invites me to everything. Depending on the situation, I sometimes offer not to go (e.g. To his high school reunion), but he always insists I come along. 

This seems like a small incident, but I think it’s indicative of a larger problem. 

Post # 75
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

Like, WTF

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