Post # 1
My fiancé and I are planning to marry early next year.
Our families are expecting a big wedding. My fiancé is Anglican and I am Catholic, so our parents discussed the possibility of two wedding ceremonies.
My fiancé is keen on eloping and getting married abroad, especially now that we might be looking at two weddings. It seems excessive to him.
This will not go down well with our families. I’m quite sure of that.
I like the idea of eloping but at the same time, I would like to involve my family in my wedding, too.
Our families are already planning ahead and talking about guests, venues, etc. They would be very disappointed and hurt at beingexcluded from our big day.
Not sure what we should do?
I don’t think they’d be happy even if we had a reception for everyone but eloped for the wedding.
Post # 2
Stop trying to please everyone for a minute and see if you know what you, personally, want. When you know that, you can discuss what to do with your fiance. But right now one of the two opinions that matter is missing–yours.
Post # 3
cassandra7 : My preference is eloping with a big reception.
Post # 4
I don’t want our families to be hurt though.
Post # 5
No one is owed a wedding. It isn’t their marriage so it isn’t their call, presuming you are paying for everything yourself. Part of being old enough and mature enough to marry is being able to make decisions for yourself and handle and manage the consequences of that. Nobody LIKES disappointing people. But disappointment is a part of life. At a certain point you have to stop living the life others want and live your life for you. You manage the expectations of others and set boundaries. That’s adulthood.
Post # 6
If you both want to elope I think you should do it! Your families would get over it, and I think a big reception is a nice compromise.
IMO the wedding should be about the couple getting married; not what their family thinks a wedding should be.
Post # 7
if it was my wedding, I do it as I want. if family love you they will support you with any decision you make 🙂 Wedding supposes to be “You and Partner’ big day so it should be you and partner decision 🙂
Post # 8
How about a compromise?
If the wedding is important for both your families, tell them they can plan a reception for you together [only 1, not 2 like they originally planned] for when you return from your elopment. Invite them to your elopment if you wish too!
My guess is that they want the party for social value and you can throw in a vows ceremony as entertainment for your guests. If they are willing to pay for it, and you don’t mind it being a party in your honor, you can just compromise on something like this.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
DO WHAT YOU WANT. I was shoved into having a big wedding because my fiance’s family is Catholic and we would never have heard the end of it. I was able to make the day special and we will enjoy it no matter what, but we would be a solid $40k richer if we hadn’t taken their expectations so deeply to heart. I begged for 30 people at a B&B in the country, but it is what it is. My point is, do not let other people steamroll you or make decisions for you. Establish those boundaries RIGHT NOW, from the start of wedding planning.
Post # 10
Do the elopement with a big reception, it’s about you and your fiance.
My fiance and I felt the same as yours, we decided to do a destination wedding with immediate family (parents and siblings). We didn’t really care too much about a reception, but we are doing a smallish reception a month or so later to include our extended family.
Post # 11
Small wedding with family only w/ blessings/prayers from ministers of both faiths?
Post # 12
I’m of the idea that you don’t owe no one a wedding. I understand family gets excited and would like to be part of your day, but at the end is something between you and your fiancée. I think you should go with what you really want and not take in consideration other’s wishes, at the end of the day your family will understand and be happy of whatever you choose.
Do what makes you happy bee.
Post # 13
I suggest a very small multi faith ceremony with reception that is immediate family only. Then have a bigger, “meet the newlyweds”/”meet the new family” type of potluck or BBQ party. Obviously it would be very informal and you can’t call it a reception.
I don’t see the point is having 2 separate ceremonies.
Post # 14
But nobody wants a small wedding and a big reception. The bride and groom want to elope (“elope” is only a “small wedding” if two people present counts as “small.”) The families want two big weddings based on different faiths. (You could buy most of a house for the price of two big weddings…)
Post # 15
BuzzedBumblingBee : Most of his family is in the country that we live in. Most of my family and relatives are abroad. That’s why our families want to have the Catholic ceremony abroad and the Anglican one here.