(Closed) Fiance wants to have sex before marriage but against my religion???

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Just have a frank and rational talk with him about this, he should be respecting your wishes. 

Post # 4
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Did you not discuss this at all before you were engaged?  Sexual assault is sexual assault and sexual harassment is sexual harassment, regardless of the relationship you have with the person.  I wouldn’t put up with that shit.

Post # 5
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think there is any easier way to let a guy down by professing your commitment to your religion.  He needs to show a little more respect and self restraint it sounds like you need to be a bit more stern with him rather than “easy”.

Post # 6
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I guess I would argue that you don’t have to let him down easy, as you’re going to be married so you should be able to have open but firm discussions about boundaries and your desire to remain abstinent until you are married (correct me if that is not your wish). You can say that it does make you feel beautiful and desired when he makes it clear that he would like to be intimate and let him know you’re really looking forward to your wedding night, if you’re worried about hurting his feelings by just saying “no.”

Post # 7
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Honestly, i think you need to have a serious conversation with him about your beliefs.  In my opinion, if your fiancee keeps trying to have sex with you despite the fact that its against your beliefs, its a sign that he doesnt respect you and/or your beliefs.  You need to make sure he knows that your conviction that sex before marriage is wrong, is strong and you wont compromise.  Again this is just my opinion, i dont know you or your fi

Post # 8
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Yikes!  I respect and applaud your decision to wait, I think it’s wonderful, and I’m sure your Fiance does too, it’s just…that would be really hard, like standing outside a candy store and not being able to go inside…..I understand that you want to wait, and that is good…maybe let him know the things the two of you CAN do instead of always saying, No….that way he won’t feel rejected and also feel empowered about your physical relationship, since it is a two way street.

Post # 9
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You need to have a serious talk with him, he needs to understand and respect your beliefs, regardless of if he agrees with them or not.

Post # 10
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

Is he of the same religion?

Post # 11
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would wait until you both calm and have a talk with him, about why this is important to you.

Perhaps in this case it’s best to set boundaries for example don’t go into rooms alone, or lie down when you are making out.

Post # 12
5009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

If you say “no” then that means “no”, religion or no religion.

You should definitely have a stern talk with him. NO going easy as his behaviour isn’t acceptable.

Post # 13
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

If you have been extremely clear about your desires regarding your sexual purity than this is a respect issue. I don’t care what guys say they need or whatever excuses or society will give you for that behaivor, do not succomb to it.

Stay strong and communicate. Also, don’t put yourself in situations where there is a big temptation.

Post # 14
826 posts
Busy bee

He should not be trying to take your clothes off when he knows you don’t want to do that.  There is no letting him down easy, you have to be firm with him.  If he continues this behavior, I would honestly leave him…I’d be afraid of him raping you after you’re married because he thinks he’s entitled to your body all the time or something…

Post # 15
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@XxForgetMeNotxX:  I kind of want to go on the ‘well he needs to respect you’ bandwagon, but at the same time I feel bad for the guy… especially if he has had sex before, waiting sucks. Especially since he knows he’s going to marry you.

I hope that this isn’t a pre-cursor for marital issues due to differences in religion…

I would sit him down (at a time when he isn’t horny lol) and explain to him that you can’t wait until you can sleep together BUT it has to wait, and you’ve been feeling a bit pressured/sad by his recent actions. Then assure him it’ll be fantastic once you are married.

Post # 16
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Eva Peron and drummerbride Agreed!

OP, let me first say, I am also not indulging in sex at the moment prior to marriage also for religious reasons.  And I want to encourage you to stand firm on your beliefs and do not compromise.

I am concerned for you entering into a marriage with a man that does not respect your stance on this and is pushing you to compromise your beliefs already! I am not going to tell you how to live your life but if you are pursuing a future/marriage with him you need to set the boundaries and foundations now to ensure that your beliefs (religious or otherwise) will always be respected in the future going forward.

Be blessed, good luck and stay committed to what you believe.


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