(Closed) Fiance wants to invite Ex and her husband?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ColoroftheSky:  How long were they together? And how serious was it? And how long ago was it? And is inviting them going to be difficult due to the budget or venue capacity?

Post # 4
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

WHY? It’s just NOT respectful to you! And I would not have gone to their reception either, it’s an EX and stays in the past!

Post # 7
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

I would NOT invite them. It would be very uncomfortable for me. SO and I don’t have serious exes to invite so it won’t be an issue, but I can only imagine.

Post # 8
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either.

Post # 9
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would say, just invite them. They had a long term relationship and have stayed friendly, and she is married now. Maybe they won’t even come to the wedding, but it’s the thought that counts. It’s the furthest thing from a threatening situation (not that you said you felt threatened-I guess I just feel it’s not inappropriate for your fiance and her to still have a friendship).

I would say the only argument against inviting them would be budget. Maybe your fiance will agree to put them on the back burner for invites until after you’ve really solidified your guest list? Maybe once you’re 100% done with your list, you can take a look at inviting them.

Post # 10
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If they were that serious I wouldn’t invite them. I understand not burning bridges, but I feel like if its a serious relationship, you don’t want to be reminded of it on your wedding day. Its a plus that shes married now, but that doesn’t fix everything. Just tell your Fiance that the budget is really tight and you only want to invite people you talk to frequently. I suspect that when you went to their wedding, your Fiance and her were talking more often, which is why she extended the invitation.

Post # 11
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would say no way!!  Someone posted a blog on another thread here yesterday, and there is one line in it that keeps sticking in my head and I think is applicable in your situation.  It’s a list of 15 things to do to stay married for 15 years (and longer, I assume): 

11. Do not put yourself in trouble’s way.

Leave your ex boyfriends and girlfriends alone. I’m sure you’re very trustworthy. Aren’t we all? The thing is, there’s absolutely no reason to test it. Your husband and your marriage are more valuable than any friendship. Any friendship that troubles the marriage should be over immediately. Protect it with knives and teeth, not because it’s fragile but because it’s precious.” 

http://lydianetzer.blogspot.com/2012/04/15-ways-to-stay-married-for-15-years.html

Post # 12
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ColoroftheSky:  ummm we don’t know the details so it’s hard to say–she invited you to her wedding he may feel obligated to return the favor. It all depends on how serious their relationship was, how long ago it was, and if there is any chance of drama.

Personally, I wouldn’t have a problem inviting her, she’s married now and it isn’t as if they are super close or anything (so she’s prob not hung up on him) they just don’t seem to have hard feelings or anything….

Post # 13
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Awkward!! l would be very uncomfortable with that personally and would not allow it.

Post # 14
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I could see if they had kids together or something, but otherwise it seems kind of unnecessary.

Post # 15
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If it’s going to make you feel uncomfortable having her there, I don’t see how he can insist on it; the answer should simply be no.  What’s more important, that you’re comfortable on your own wedding day or that his ex-girlfriend attend the wedding?  Just tell your Fiance how you feel and hopefully that will be the end of it.  You’re not a bad person for not wanting her there and you can’t help how you feel.  Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@DrRoberta:  Ps thanks for posting that link, it’s cracking me up!

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