Fiance wants to invite someone I hate to wedding

posted 2 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Should I invite someone I hate to my wedding because my fiance wants to?
    Yes : (11 votes)
    6 %
    No : (177 votes)
    94 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1446 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    Yikes. I question your FI’s loyalty to his friend over you. Compromising on a person to invite is a great way to start off a marriage, because, guess what, that’s what you’ll be doing your whole life! I see your point and would not want her there either. But are you *sure* she would even come since it’s in Hawaii?

    Post # 4
    Member
    598 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    irishgirl33 :  this is difficult particularly not knowing any of the details. You are phrasing the question in relation to the wedding but it seems what you really mean is you do not want your Fiance to be friends with her. Otherwise you would need to accept she is an important friend to him and he wants her at the wedding.

    How do you plan to deal with this after the wedding? What if she’s around you in a group setting or he invites her to the house?

    Post # 5
    Member
    4845 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    irishgirl33 :   After the way she treated you, and made you feel, your Fiance wants her at the wedding?

    Why?  Because of this??  “But if she’s not, he says he won’t be happy on his own wedding day.”

    I urge you to give that some thought.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    519 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I am pretty sure it is a universal understanding that only family & people that you both love should surround you at your wedding. (I seperate those, because I know how some feel about the in-laws lol)

    If you Fiance wants to invite friends, it should be mutual friends, or at least someone who respects you and both of you as a couple. There is no way I would allow an invite to someone I would see as a dark cloud, or would resent having shell out $ to entertain. 

    I do also see PP view about compromise… but a compromise is two sided.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3676 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

    irishgirl33 :  I’d like to know why he’s still friends with someone who treated you this way. If someone I’m friends with was awful to my SO, especially when he did nothing to deserve it, that friendship would be over. My SO is incredibly important to me and anyone who disrespects him is not welcome in my life. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    9132 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    Was she really drunk or something?  Is there *any* way you can forgive this girl and chalk it up to drunkenness, being super stressed about something and taking it out on you, etc etc?  

    Otherwise, I agree with PP – the wedding is kind of the least of your problems.  What are you going to do about your Fiance wanting to still be her friend and you not being OK with that?  (Oh and btw, I would also not want her there and would be pissed that my Fiance didn’t get it.)

    Post # 9
    Member
    5972 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Unless you’ve left out some very extenuating circumstances (ie you said or did something equally horrible or worse to his friend first or she was going through a traumatic time and apologized sincerely and remorsefully for her outburst at you) then her treatment of you and your FI’s complete lack of consideration for your feelings is a major red flag. 

    And regardless of the circumstances or context of the fight, wtf did your Fiance do- watch? He should have intervened somehow, whether it was telling his friend off if she was the one out of line (see extenuating circumstances above) or simply trying to diffuse the situation/ separate the two of you. Second red flag. 

    IMO it’s perfectly fine for guys to have platonic female friend- but alarm bells always go off to me if he appears to put her feelings ahead of yours. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    9544 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I’m appalled that he would want to invite her! I would not budge on this. She does not get an invitation.

    I also think this is a red flag with your fiancé. Maybe pre-martial counseling to address this would be a good idea.

    Post # 11
    Member
    9623 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    if someone did that to my spouse they would NOT be a best friend of mine.  him wanting to invite her anyway makes me rethink him.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2132 posts
    Buzzing bee

    No you shouldn’t invite her, and I’m going to say it – their friendship is inappropriate.
    Anyone who treats you like that should be cut TF out of his life. This would be one of those “it’s me or her” situations for me, and I don’t mean just the wedding. She would be GONE.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2888 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    Absolutely not! I would honestly take a long hard look at your relationship. Why in the ever loving world would he want to invite this woman to your wedding if she treated you so poorly? Why did he not do anything when she was going crazy on you to begin with? I’m sorry but a friend never comes before a significant other and I would be appalled that he is acting like this in general. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    6321 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I’d take a long, hard look at your Fiance. Because he wants to invite her, he is still putting her feelings above yours. That’s a huge concern for the future, IMO. Not only did he not defend you, but he seems to value his “friendship” with her over your feelings. Was he ever more involved with her than friends, because it sure sounds like it…

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