Post # 30
Do NOT back down on this. This is a hill to die on. I’m so sorry he’s doing this to you, your fiance is being a total jerk, to put it mildly. There’s definitely something more to their relationship than what you can see. I’m surprised you have so little respect for yourself that you are actually marrying him when he prioritises her over you.
Post # 31
Eeek! I wish for the best of your relationship, Bee, but honestly this sounds like a bad love triangle. It’s good to hear you’re going to therapy. I highly suggest getting this worked out before you even send out invites.
Post # 32
Does your Fiance understand what marriage is? Cuz it involves putting your spouse first.
Post # 33
yupmarried : “Your fiance and 10 other people watched? Nobody defended you? Don’t marry him! And get away from those “friends”!”
This is what I’m trying to wrap my head around OP, this woman drunkenly lashed out at you in some verbal tirade that made you cry and not a single one of them interfered/ stood up for you/ even simply got drunken ranting woman out of your face?!?! What kind of people are they? Are they spineless or were they enjoying the entertainment of a live reality show? I’m side-eyeing the whole lot of them. Your Fiance is beyond side-eyeing, I can’t even fathom how he could stand idly by….I would do more for a fuciking stranger than he did for the person he claims to love!
Post # 34
If she’s not invited, he says “he won’t be happy on his own wedding day”? So he’s literally saying that having her there is more important than marrying you. Just let that sink in… and leave.
Post # 35
So your Fiance and 10 other people let this woman scream at you and no one said anything? I am inclined to think there is more to this story than you have included. Or you are hanging around (and marrying) some seriously shitty people.
Post # 36
ohlookanewbee : 1000+ THIS.
She is literally the most important person when he thinks about his wedding day.
Post # 37
OP can you give us a little more background on what went on:
1. What was this friend so upset with you over?
2. How did your fiance react during this verbal onslaught?
3. How are the rest of these friends regularly? Is there a lot of drama in this group?
Surely you can give us a clearer picture of what went on here without giving up your anonymity?
Post # 38
Whoa. Wait. Let’s take a break from polishing the brass on the Titanic for a moment. Maybe the issue that matters is that this woman screamed at you and verbally abused you as your fiancé passively looked on.
Can you live with that kind of “man” for the rest of your life?
And, please know that nobody *deserves* that kind of treatment. The victim is not to blame.
I’d be seriously questioning whether I would want the groom to attend the wedding.
Post # 39
“If she is there, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over it. But if she’s not, he says he won’t be happy on his own wedding day.” What?
I am so sorry this happened! I was also in a similar situation (actually got slapped) by a drunk girl with no provacation. She was the queen bee of my then-boyfriend’s friend group and everyone, including the bf, just kind of laughed it off. She was also married to another guy in the group but…It definately set the tone for a lot of contention and discomfort, as I am also a more quiet/reserved person. Stuff like this was not uncommon with these people. I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t just “go with the flow.” I eventually ended things and it was like a huge weight off my chest.
I think your trust was really compromised by his reaction and that is more what you are struggling with. Requiring her presence at your wedding does not seem like it would bolster your trust.
Your fiance can be friends with anyone he wants, but the bigger question is, are you OK with that? No matter what the situation was, you do not want this peson there and he is almost demanding it. Is that the tone you want set for your entire marriage? Ugh, this is a difficult situation!
Post # 40
One of two things has to be going on here…
1: There is a big chunk of this story that you’re leaving out; or
2: You have a really shitty fiance.
Post # 41
llevinso : C. all of the above.
Post # 42
He’s putting her ahead of you. I don’t think that’s fair to you
Post # 43
I agree with everyone who’s here saying that the only thing you should be questioning is whether this man is fit to be your husband.
Post # 44
This sets off alarm bells.
She wouldn’t have gone off on you if she wasn’t confident that Darling Husband would tolerate it. And she was right.
They’re either sleeping together and/or he talks shit about you to his friends when you’re not around.