Fiance wants to invite someone I hate to wedding

posted 2 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Should I invite someone I hate to my wedding because my fiance wants to?
    Yes : (11 votes)
    6 %
    No : (177 votes)
    94 %
  • Post # 30
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Do NOT back down on this. This is a hill to die on. I’m so sorry he’s doing this to you, your fiance is being a total jerk, to put it mildly. There’s definitely something more to their relationship than what you can see. I’m surprised you have so little respect for yourself that you are actually marrying him when he prioritises her over you.

    Post # 31
    Member
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2019

    Eeek! I wish for the best of your relationship, Bee, but honestly this sounds like a bad love triangle. It’s good to hear you’re going to therapy. I highly suggest getting this worked out before you even send out invites. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    11612 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Does your Fiance understand what marriage is? Cuz it involves putting your spouse first. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    5882 posts
    Bee Keeper

    yupmarried :  “Your fiance and 10 other people watched? Nobody defended you? Don’t marry him! And get away from those “friends”!”

    +1 

    This is what I’m trying to wrap my head around OP, this woman drunkenly lashed out at you in some verbal tirade that made you cry and not a single one of them interfered/ stood up for you/ even simply got drunken ranting woman out of your face?!?! What kind of people are they? Are they spineless or were they enjoying the entertainment of a live reality show? I’m side-eyeing the whole lot of them. Your Fiance is beyond side-eyeing, I can’t even fathom how he could stand idly by….I would do more for a fuciking stranger than he did for the person he claims to love!

    Post # 34
    Member
    293 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    If she’s not invited, he says “he won’t be happy on his own wedding day”? So he’s literally saying that having her there is more important than marrying you. Just let that sink in… and leave.

    Post # 35
    Member
    7824 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    So your Fiance and 10 other people let this woman scream at you and no one said anything? I am inclined to think there is more to this story than you have included. Or you are hanging around (and marrying) some seriously shitty people.

    Post # 36
    Member
    2857 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    ohlookanewbee :  1000+ THIS. 

    She is literally the most important person when he thinks about his wedding day.

    Post # 37
    Member
    5882 posts
    Bee Keeper

    OP can you give us a little more background on what went on: 

    1. What was this friend so upset with you over? 

    2. How did your fiance react during this verbal onslaught? 

    3. How are the rest of these friends regularly? Is there a lot of drama in this group? 

    Surely you can give us a clearer picture of what went on here without giving up your anonymity? 

    Post # 38
    Member
    10879 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    irishgirl33 :  

    Whoa.  Wait.  Let’s take a break from polishing the brass on the Titanic for a moment. Maybe the issue that matters is that  this woman screamed at you and verbally abused you as your fiancé passively looked on.

    Can you live with that kind of “man” for the rest of your life?

    And, please know that nobody *deserves* that kind of treatment.  The victim is not to blame.

    I’d be seriously questioning whether I would want the groom to attend the wedding.

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    “If she is there, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over it. But if she’s not, he says he won’t be happy on his own wedding day.” What?

    I am so sorry this happened! I was also in a similar situation (actually got slapped) by a drunk girl with no provacation. She was the queen bee of my then-boyfriend’s friend group and everyone, including the bf, just kind of laughed it off. She was also married to another guy in the group but…It definately set the tone for a lot of contention and discomfort, as I am also a more quiet/reserved person. Stuff like this was not uncommon with these people. I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t just “go with the flow.” I eventually ended things and it was like a huge weight off my chest. 

    I think your trust was really compromised by his reaction and that is more what you are struggling with. Requiring her presence at your wedding does not seem like it would bolster your trust.

    Your fiance can be friends with anyone he wants, but the bigger question is, are you OK with that? No matter what the situation was, you do not want this peson there and he is almost demanding it. Is that the tone you want set for your entire marriage? Ugh, this is a difficult situation!

    Post # 40
    Member
    6833 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    One of two things has to be going on here…

    1: There is a big chunk of this story that you’re leaving out; or

    2: You have a really shitty fiance.

    Post # 42
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    He’s putting her ahead of you. I don’t think that’s fair to you

    Post # 43
    Member
    2776 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I agree with everyone who’s here saying that the only thing you should be questioning is whether this man is fit to be your husband. 

    The End. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    1628 posts
    Bumble bee

    This sets off alarm bells. 

    She wouldn’t have gone off on you if she wasn’t confident that Darling Husband would tolerate it. And she was right. 

    They’re either sleeping together and/or he talks shit about you to his friends when you’re not around. 

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