Fiance wants to invite someone I hate to wedding

posted 2 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Should I invite someone I hate to my wedding because my fiance wants to?
    Yes : (11 votes)
    6 %
    No : (177 votes)
    94 %
  • Post # 45
    Member
    2238 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

    One of my favorite things about Fiance is that he once said to me “I’m making a life with you. I didn’t pick anyone else. I’m always on your side; even if you’re wrong.”

    And he meant it. He’s demonstrated his willingness to push back when his family has treated me less than kindly. He’s more mad at people who don’t treat me well than I usually am. I know, no matter what, I can trust him to stand up for me and support me. 

    Your Fiance has demonstrated something else. He’s shown he’s willing to see you be verbally abused and not only do nothing to stop it, but remain friends with the perpetrator. Such good friends in fact he’s willing to resort to emotional blackmail “I wont be happy on my wedding day”? Really dude? That’s your emotional locus at your wedding? Mmmkay.

    You have heard this from other Bees but if the situation is as you describe, you aren’t with someone who is truly devoted to you. You aren’t with someone who understands the covenant of marriage is in part a promise to put no one before your spouse. You aren’t with someone who respects and values you enough to confront someone who is mistreating you.

    You should be with someone who does all of those things.

    Post # 46
    Member
    197 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Tell him it’s her or you. He won’t choose you because he’s in love with her. Why aren’t they together?

    Post # 47
    Member
    658 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I would not marry someone who stood there watching his own SO getting humiliated and yelled at in front of friends and puts his “friend’s” feelings over his own SO. Why is he marrying you if he cares about her feelings more? He didn’t even intervene! What was he thinking? AND the fact that you haven’t forgiven him yet and is still fighting about this today. Red flags.

    I hope counseling helps and that your Fiance realizes his actions were hurtful to you. Maybe it’ll help him realize why he cares about his friend’s feelings more than yours.

    Post # 48
    Member
    8863 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    ohlookanewbee :  Yep, exactly.

    irishgirl33 : , how can you marry someone who told you that? He is literally saying that on the day that he marries you, that will not be enough to make him happy. On the day that he marries you, he will be unhappy if he can’t bask in the loving glow of the woman who screamed at you, hurt you, and humiliated you in front of him and all their friends. How can you live with him knowing this? How could you believe his vows when you know that while he’s saying them he’s pining for her?

    Post # 49
    Member
    395 posts
    Helper bee

    Admittedly I skimmed and didn’t read all the posts.  I encourage you to talk to  your fiance about how you feel and why.  You need to be honest how and why it is important this woman not come to y our wedding.  you then need to gage how will  you react if fiance chooses this woman. What do y ou want to do? Is this a deal breaker for the wedding?

    I also wonder, not blaming you, if ther eis another side to the story as to what happened. It may hurt but you need an objective perspective.

    Finally what about a heart to heart with this woman.  If you really love your fiance and you know this friend group isimportant maybe having a heart to heart woith her would be good. 

    Now there is two ways to look at this. How much does the fiance love you to support you?  And or how much do you love the fiance to bend to have his friend at the wedding.

     

    I think you might have to make a decision as to what you can live with.  Will this end your relationship if he doesn’t choose you and fully support you?

     

    Better you find out now as horrible timing this appears to be.  I hope it all works out.

    Post # 50
    Member
    6228 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Hell to the fuck no- to all of the above. To bitches who use alcohol to give them courage to verbally assault people. To people who stand by and let asshole women go off on a crying person without interrupting or saying anything. To men who are so comfortably and casually disrespectful of their partners that they say some screaming asshole’s presence at his wedding is so important that he won’t be happy if she isn’t there.

    I would eliminate ALL of those people from my life. They suck fat hairy goat balls.

    Post # 52
    Hostess
    8690 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: Dorset, UK

    If this were me, I would be uninviting MYSELF from this wedding. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    The only person your Fiance should need at the wedding in order to be happy is YOU. 

    The fact that he considers someone who would yell, curse, and denigrate his wife-to-be a real friend is  a problem. If my best friend was ever mean or rude to Darling Husband, I’d drop him in a second. Darling Husband comes first and will always be the most important person to me. You should come first for your Fiance.

    Post # 55
    Member
    20 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    My husband had a friend like this, someone that I really didn’t like. There was no question. She was not invited to the wedding. He didn’t even ask.

    This whole story just hurts my heart.

    Post # 56
    Member
    37 posts
    Newbee

    I hope OP is alright… it must be a shock for her to see everyone saying that her relationship should be questioned (which yes it definitely should be!), especially if she hadnt thought of this herself.

    Now, maybe it’s just me as I’ve been through a lot in my past so I’m very defensive and protective, but if anyone spoke to my SO like that I would definitely be losing my temper and probably even getting physical (not the right way to handle things, but it’s the truth). I’m petty as f*ck too so I’d also go out of my way to make their life a misery until they left the friendship group 😂 but not everyone is as bad a person as I am. 

    I think OP, you definitely need to consider whether this wedding should even go ahead. I’d be concerned that there are feelings between the 2 of them, and you need to save yourself from that whole heartbreak as soon as possible! My SO usually doesn’t defend me against another female, as he knows I can handle it myself, but he would definitely defend me against a male – and I think if you were there crying, he should have stepped in. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    3686 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    WTF is wrong with your fiancé?!?!  An acquaintance of my husband’s talked shit about him a few years ago, and I still want to destroy the dude.  If one of my friends treated my husband badly, I’d tell them to go fuck themselves.  The friendship would be over.  

    I don’t think he’s loyal to you at all.  

    Post # 58
    Member
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    Here’s the thing… it doesn’t matter if you deserved it or not.  You actively dislike her so she doesn’t get to come to your party.  

    Post # 59
    Member
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    ImMrsSnow :  YUP.   It’s your party.  You each get to veto people that you can’t stand.  More importantly, other people don’t get to tap dance all over you and get an invite.  Stand up for yourself.

    Also, who are these “friends”? Geesh!  Block-block-block…. blocks all around.

    Post # 60
    Member
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    No. No no no no no no no no no no no.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

    No.

    sprinkled with more no.

    because no.

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