Fiance wants to invite someone I hate to wedding

posted 2 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Should I invite someone I hate to my wedding because my fiance wants to?
    Yes : (11 votes)
    6 %
    No : (177 votes)
    94 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    437 posts
    Helper bee

    Ugh… I feel mad for you! Lol! Never mind your future hubby… I think by reading the other posts, it’s pretty clear he’s in the wrong… but, I think this female friend of his has a lot of nerve showing her face at your wedding after this. If I were her, I certainly wouldn’t. This just shows that she has no respect for you as the woman in her friend’s life! She can happily indulge herself in all the festivities that YOU/your family paid for after she acted like such a heinous bitch to you! Let that soak in a bit. She should be ashamed of herself. A wedding is the celebration of BOTH the bride and groom. If she doesn’t get along with you, she has no business being there… what an asshole! I don’t care if you started the fight and made HER cry, whatever the whole story is, the fact that you don’t want her there should be a good enough reason for her not to be there! It’s your wedding too! You can forgive her if she apologized, but you DO NOT have to have her at your wedding! That is complete bullshit! 

    Post # 62
    Member
    775 posts
    Busy bee

    HELL no. Seriously, my husband and I are a unit and everyone else is on the outside. My loyalty is to him first above everyone else, our families, our friends, everyone. That doesn’t mean he’s always right but I would always side with him and discuss any problems or issues in private. I agree with PPs, I’d be concerned that there are feelings on both sides. It’s a super strange situation. If anyone ever treated me this way my husband would immediately cut them out of his life. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    3049 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    Unless there’s some added details on why she yelled at you randomly,…

    Personally, I wouldn’t be entertaining marrying someone that stood by and watched you get verbally attacked and especially stood by as you cried. I further more wouldn’t entertain marrying someone who still prioritized having such a nasty person in our life over my own feelings. 

    I wouldn’t invite her to the wedding and I would be walking away from your fiancé if he can’t realize how monumentally shitty his own response to it all was and has been.

    Post # 64
    Member
    3049 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    Side note…I just really want to know what her deal was and what happened that caused her to go off on you.

    Post # 65
    Member
    5889 posts
    Bee Keeper

    soymilk :  Seconding this. 

    OP hasn’t been back to update us, but I really feel we’re either missing a huge piece of the puzzle or her Fiance and his friends did nothing while she was being bullied. 

    Did OP say something indefensible that led to the other girl going off on her? If OP said something horrible (racist or homophobic or some highly insensitive comment about the other girl) that resulted in everyone within earshot siding with the other girl, then I can see them not coming to OP’s defense if they viewed her as the instigator/ bully, not the other girl who reacted to what OP said/did. Even so, even if OP was out of line and even if Fiance didn’t agree with whatever OP said or did, as her partner he still should have done something to diffuse/mediate the situation rather than just standing by doing diddlyfreakingsquat-  even if he thought his partner was at fault, he could at least have taken her by the arm and removed her from the situation/ the other girl’s ranting. 

    And if OP truly didn’t do anything to bring this about, I think she needs to rethink this whole group, Fiance included, who would all stand there doing nothing while someone in their midst was verbally attacked. 

    Post # 66
    Member
    3049 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    RobbieAndJuliahaha :  Agree. It’s not like names are being posted so I don’t really think there’s a reason why the details of what happened can’t be shared…even if she were to post on these boards and saw the scenario to recognize it…., if op didn’t do anything wrong on her part, who cares if she reads it especially since I’d be done with all of them anyways. It’s not like its tied to an established account since it’s pretty much a throwaway account. Lastly not like you couldn’t delete the topic anyway in the end.

    I think there’s something more we all clearly aren’t being told.

    Post # 67
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    Yeah…I would be more concerned with why you are marrying a man that lets his “friends” treat you like that. Nope, no and no. 

    His attachment to her and lack of urgency towards your feelings towards her is a giant red flag. Like the giant flag waving in the back of the chorus line in Les Mis. That’s how big that flag is. 

    This is where I would draw a very definite, large, clear line in the sand …so to speak.

    Post # 68
    Member
    9946 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Remember the Phil guy from the other day who was obessed with some chick he never dated and wanted to have her at his wedding to get back at her?

    I like to pretend this is Phil’s wife in this one.

    Post # 69
    Member
    2776 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    slomotion :  I thought the very same thing when I read his post. 

    Post # 70
    Member
    6752 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t be planning a wedding to someone who stood silently by while his friend went off on me like that in front of a group of people. If it happened again, tomorrow, what do you think he would do? Do you think he would have your back? 

    As PPs have said–you’re either leaving out some really important information or your Fiance is a giant douchebag or both. Regardless–it seems you’ve made it clear that you won’t be happy getting married with her there and he’s made it clear he won’t be happy getting married if she’s not. You’re at a stalemate. Put the planning on hold until you’ve spent some serious time in counseling. 

     

    Post # 71
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I am one of the few who voted yes! I think if he is her close friend, and is going to be in his life and his friend group, then the reality is, she should be at your wedding, and you will need to be “friend adjacent” to her. If that really hurts you, you need to keep re-visiting the route of her cruel outbreak at you, and your Fiances silence, – Is it their personalities? Was it a one time thing? Was it related to jealousy, stress, a rough personal patch, etc?.

     

    The reality is his life + your life = one life. That starts your wedding day, good luck girlie!

    Post # 73
    Member
    269 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    RobbieAndJuliahaha :  I have a feeling it’s deleted been looking for it to see if he replied to us and cant find it ! Phil was obsessed with a woman who is not his fiance and basically said he was getting married to rub it in her face that she never dated him..lol 

    Post # 75
    Member
    2078 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Taking this at face value: I would be very alarmed and hurt if my Boyfriend or Best Friend stood by while someone was yelling at me and I was crying (even if I wasn’t 100% innocent in the matter). But to then add the fact that he is insisting on having her at the wedding and says HE WILL NOT BE HAPPY ON HIS WEDDING DAY WITHOUT HER?!! Wow. Damn. Something is very, very wrong.

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