(Closed) Fiance will have no family at wedding…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, I don’t really see what the problem is. It seems as though he is perfectly fine with the fact that he will have no family there. yea, it sucks but he is telling you that your family is his family so the only one who seems upset is you. I don’t think you should be upset. A wedding is a time where you commit and promise yourselves in front of all of your loved ones and by the sounds of it, that is going to be your wedding. Stop focusing on the people who aren’t going to be there and be thankful you have such a great family that should sounds like they have enough love to go around!

Post # 4
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I am not in your shoes or in his so I am not what I say really matters but, if he is OK with it I would let it go.  As he said YOU are his family now if it really bothered him I would hope he’d honest and tell you.  It sounds like he has.  Sometimes it is the bringing it up that causes more issue than the original issue to start with.  I will have my parents at my wedding and my Fiance will not as they have passed away.  I can’t feel guilty or bad because my family dynamic is different than his.  I mentioned it too him one time and he said , don’t worry about it.  They have been gone for awhile now and that is just the way it is, let it go. 

I once heard a statement that I love… when you don’t know what to do, Just love them through it.    He know you care and that is what really matters.  have a great wedding and create a great family for him!  Good luck!

Post # 5
4824 posts
Honey bee

Maybe you could set up a webcam so his cousin can watch the vows? I think that would be a nice gesture for both of them.

AGree with PP’s. It sounds like has has come to terms with his situation awhile ago, but you are newer to it and are just going through the emotions now. All you can do is love him and help him and your family truly be the family he never had.

Post # 6
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s not a unique situation. There are many “only children” whose parents have both died, so they have no immediate family.

It’s something you can’t change so just accept it. Seat people equally on both sides at the ceremony and get on with the marriage.

If you dwell on this, it will cause more stress for your Fiance.

Post # 7
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You are my family now

awwwhhhh – this is what i was thinking when i started reading your post.  sometimes good people have sucky families but im so glad he found you and your wonderful family to call home so embrace that and be happy for the love you are giving him.  goodluck!

Post # 8
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

He’s been on his own for many years now.  Its not ideal, but I dont think you should feel bad about it.   Like he’s said, you can’t change his family situation but you’re marrying him and you two will start a new family, your family is now his.  Focus on his expanding newfound family instead of dwelling on his past and lack of.

Post # 9
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m having very few family members there. Right now our ceremony is Fiance: 25 Me:5 (and there’s a good chance two of those people might not be able to come.)

it sucks

i wrote a post about it

Post # 10
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s really wonderful that your husband to be feels like your family is his.  I would let him celebrate that!  My parents loved my husband like their own, even though he had his dad and siblings still, but he didn’t live close to them.  I was always so happy and proud that my parents loved him and treated him as their own.  Home/Love/Family that means the most to him is the family that we created together.  πŸ™‚

Post # 11
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

if he doesn’t feel bad about it, then you shouldn’t either. 

my guys has invited his mom…. and she might or might not come to the wedding. other than that, he has nobody that’s just his. it’s OUR friends and my family. that’s fine. embrace it.

Post # 12
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

There’s nothing to explain to anyone. When you tell someone that he’s just not close to his family, they will understand. I think we’ve all known and seen examples of people who were cheated out of an ideal family and support system and we know that those people can turn out to be great people, eager to start a family of their own. My fiance’ is in a similar situation. While he has a very large family, none of them will be coming to the wedding, only his mother. His father is also, deceased and he never knew his father or his father’s side. His brother is in prison for the next 20 years, his sister may or may not show. But my fiance’ has no problem with this, he’s excited to be getting married, he LOVES my family and they LOVE him. He’s honored to be part of a family and to start his own. He even gets a little weepy when we talk about my stepdad and my stepgrandad both of whom he’s grown very, very close too. Just bringing with your fiance’ into your family is all you need to do and it sounds like you are on your way.

Post # 13
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

OP, I think I can understand what you’re feeling.  My Fiance and I live in California, where most of my family lives, and all his family is back in New Jersey.  On top of that, he has a very small family, whereas I have a huge one.  He has a good relationship with his family, it’s just that there are so few of them as it is, and some of his extended family members may not be able to travel to the wedding.  So at the wedding it’s probably going to be over 100 guests from my family, maybe 10 or less from his, and then of course a bunch of our friends.

But that’s just the way it works out sometimes, and I think that your Fiance, like mine, really doesn’t care.  He gets to marry you and he considers your family to be his own (which is the same way my Fiance feels about my family).  So while I know there’s just something about the whole situation that feels weird, I don’t think you should stress over it.  Don’t make yourself feel like, “OMG, my family is taking over the wedding and they’re going to form a gigantic family monster and stomp around like Godzilla!” (that’s how I feel about my family sometimes).  Know that your wedding is going to be a great time because the people there love and support both of you.  πŸ™‚

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