I can give some of the anxiety sided advice for sure. I’m the one with clinical anxiety, and Fiance has to put up with me!
I ran out of my medication and thought my refill got seized by customs (got it today…mom forgot to put down our house number!) and it has been so much more overwhelming to plan this wedding.
I have had mine for years and only needed medication after certain life events made it really, really bad – to the point where my body was attacking itself (gag reflex problems, IBS, etc, all triggered by the slighest bit of stress). It is strange to hear people say it gets better. I thought it would be the case for me, moving here to be with him, having a generally and genuinely sunshine fairytale happy romantic wonderful life of sunshine (…I’m actually not kidding, it’s really like that with him!), that maybe my anxiety would get better. It had little to no effect. I still need my medication, though it’s not so bad that I’m on the daily regimen, I’m still doing “take as needed”. My mental illnesses are likely a matter of genetics and brain chemistry and what have you…so I don’t think the chemical imbalances will ever just fix themselves (though insight on what I have done to conquer one of them is further on below)
Has he tried the generic version of Xanax? That’s what I’m on, .5mg tablets of Alprazolam. They don’t change me at all and there’s no weird moods or feelings (though everybody is different so I can’t say it would be the same for your FI). They just insta-chill me out when I’m starting to freak out. And if I need them to keep my body in check, I can take a few a day.
I would feel more inspired to get off them and all that if I weren’t already battling major depression with nothing but my brain, thanks to years of therapy, medication, hospitalization, and, it’s been revealed now by my sly doc, neuroplasticity. For years, I was able to manage both with just my coping strategies and learned techniques and what have you. But I just couldn’t handle both anymore. Life happens.They generally improve my quality of life so I don’t feel ashamed to be on them. I cannot imagine the strength it must take for him to be working without them!! Anxiety is a different beast than depression, so there isn’t really a way to “stabilize” on meds and learn coping strategies, they are a coping strategy. I hope that makes sense. I’ve been coming to terms with the fact I’ll probably always need some on hand.
It is important not to get sad about it, and for him to understand it’s not his fault he’s feeling this way, that it’s okay to feel this way! My Fiance has been such a blessing to me. I have been compeltely honest with him about my checkered mental health past and my acceptance that I’m a functioning member of society, but a “mentally ill” one. It took me a little while because in the past, men I’d been with had either used it against me in arguements, which just isn’t fair, or changed/been judgemental. It unfortunately carries a huge stigma, which is another issue entirely. But my Fiance has been so perfect about it.
Even when I’m insecure about it, and lament my “broken brain” he simply says “I love your brain.” “Even though it’s broken and not to be trusted?” “Yup. I love all of you, everything about you.” etc. It can really help to hear that when I’m feeling like a total nutcase!
Unfortunately, Fiance is out of town right now or I’d drag him in here to give you his persepetive as he’s the one in your shoes!
I do agree with the PPs above, those were lovely posts! It has actually made our bond even stronger, to get through these things together, and just seeing him and having him hold me when I’m freaking out bring so much relief, like a great big wave of calm! He is without a doubt my rock, and I am so grateful I found someone like him! I know I’m a lot to handle, and the fact he actually wants to handle me 24/7 for the rest of our lives means the world to me! I am teasing him already about how much fun pregnancy is gonna be…hormones and no Xanax for 9 months, get ready for that rollercoater! 😛
I would say be prepared for him to have to deal with his anxiety for a long time, possibly forever, but the absolute best thing you can do for him is to reassure him, and love him to bits, and let him know he can always be himself around you – even his freaking out, anxiety ridden self.
I hope this helps!